Easter is coming, I’m all out of eggs, and there’s nary a bunny in sight, so I’m getting my cuteness quota filled with this Kinky Kat Bullet from Doc Johnson’s Wonderland range.
I’ll warn you now, this review isn’t gonna be a glowing one, so those who don’t want to see me bash a Kat, look away now.
The obvious draw this bullet has is its connection to Alice in Wonderland. I love those stories and the movies, especially the one the flawless Johnny Depp got his mad hat on for. I don’t think it’s the little girl in me either, because the Fella loves them too.
When I spotted the Wonderland range, I nearly choked on my gleeful squee. I wanted them all, but the Kinky Kat especially. I’m not usually one for buying sex toys that look for all the world like children’s toys, but there has been a handful of times when I’ve just had to make an exception, and this is one of them.
When it arrived, I was instantly in love with the packaging. It’s made to look like a book, even down to the page effects on three sides and the title on the spine. Inside there’s a cute picture of the full range, and the Kinky Kat itself.
I absolutely adore this thing to look at. It’s pink (which isn’t usually my thing at all) and it’s gorgeous, and I just love it. It’s made from silicone, with an ABS plastic cap, and it’s waterproof. The whole thing is fixed, though. It’s not a sleeve which can be taken off so the bullet can be used alone. What you see is what you get.
When it comes to vibrations, I knew going in that I wasn’t going to be impressed, though for £35 I’d have expected a bit more than I actually got.
The Kinky Kat runs on one AA battery, and is operated by a push button on the base of the unit. The first click gives you a high frequency, irritating buzz, and I’m afraid that’s the best you’re gonna get, because it starts on its highest speed. The next two clicks give you middle and low speeds, and each click after that introduces you to the 7 available patterns, each of which is as uninspiring as the last.
I tried telling myself that I loved it, and I wriggled around like I was having a great time while the Fella put the Kinky Kat to use, but my clit wasn’t fooled and neither was he. All it did for me was make me itchy, and slapping your partner’s hands away so you can scratch your crotch isn’t really conducive to a sexy atmosphere.
The Fella is usually a big fan of less than spectacular vibrations, but even he slapped my hand away and said it felt like things were crawling on him wherever the bullet touched him. He didn’t think my “Do you think the Kat might have fleas?” joke was funny, and I promise I won’t be offended if it doesn’t raise a titter for you either.
Alice fans who have clits that don’t mind surface level vibes would probably get a kick out of this toy, but other than that, I can’t see a great many people liking it. That said, I should make it clear that, despite the rubbishness of them as sex toys, I do plan to buy the rest of the collection at some stage, just because I can, and just because I love how they look. We all have our quirks, right?
If you’d like to pick up your own Kinky Kat, click on the bunny below.
The Doc Johnson Wonderland Kinky Kat Bullet was a purchase. No affiliate links have been used in this post.
