Y’all may have noticed that Scandarella has been awash with We-Vibe reviews in recent months. From partner vibes like the Sync to products for solo players like the Wish, there’s been a lot to talk about. You see, We-Vibe are expanding their lines quite rapidly these days, with the introduction of cock rings, butt plugs, and love eggs. But the latest product I’m gonna focus on is something completely different again; the We-Vibe Bloom Kegel System.
Those of you who have been with me since the blog launched will probably have picked up on my love for kegel exercisers. I honestly think they’re essential bits of kit for anyone with a vagina. So much so, I even wrote a long-assed post about it for Luxury Vibrators. Kegel products really are great. I mean, all you have to do is pop ‘em in there, feel the jiggles, vibes or even just gravity, squeeze your muscles around them and, hey presto, within a few months you’ll be experiencing things you very well may never have experienced before.
The We-Vibe Bloom may look like just another kegel product, same as any other, but it isn’t. We-Vibe have taken aspects of different kegel sets, rolled them together and made a pretty unique product.
Encased in lovely smooth silicone (gloriously coral-hued silicone), the Bloom isn’t just a bog standard vibrating exerciser. It’s a vibrating exerciser with three progressive weights. Yep, you can tailor this set to your personal needs in so many different ways, it’s made it straight to the top of my ‘if I could only recommend one’ list.
What you have, is the base piece. At approximately 2” in insertable length with a circumference of 4.25”, it’s sized to suit pretty much everyone. It’s smallish, compact, and with a retrieval cord of 3.5”, there’s plenty left dangling outside of the body, offering peace of mind to the less experienced wearer. I know first-hand how nerve-wracking inserting small objects into the vaginal canal can be when it’s new to you, so those cords really are comfort makers.
Speaking of comfort, that cord causes me absolutely no problems during use. It is quite thick, as these things go, but it’s made from the same smooth silicone as the rest of the base piece. That makes is slide naturally around the vulva with a little lubrication, and there’s no digging or chafing. I’m not sure I like the little bead on the end, though. I thought it was just something to do with picking up Bluetooth signals or whatever, but it seems to be nothing more than a finishing bit of plastic.
Anyway, at the top of the base piece is a white plastic screw thread, and in the hole it the top you’ll find the charging point. Thank fuck We-Vibe kept that magnetic charging malarkey away from the Bloom! A pin charger (USB, of course) is what you get here, and it’s far superior to any magnetic business. That said if We-Vibe’s other stuff charged this way they probably wouldn’t be waterproof, so I mustn’t whine too much.
That’s not to say the We-Vibe Bloom isn’t waterproof, though. Cos, as soon as you choose one of the three weighted balls and screw it on, it is.
No, they ain’t eggs, they’re weights
These progressive weights are made from the same silicone as the rest of the piece. Each is numbered very subtly, right there on the silicone. The base weighs 35g and the progressive weights are:
- 1 = 10g (45g including base) suitable for novice kegellers who have had vaginal births, or who are over thirty
- 2 = 30g (65g including base) suitable for those with some kegelling experience who need to step up their exercises
- 3 = 45g (90g including base) suitable for intermediate kegellers who need more of a challenge, and those who want to maintain their PC muscle’s strength
As I said above, all you need to do is select your weight and screw it tightly onto the base piece. They’re all the same size, so once your Bloom is assembled you’re looking at about 3.5” in total insertable length. It’ll take on a peanut shape that’s slightly slimmer at the weighted end, and this is a perfectly comfy shape to wear.
So, while that interchangeable weight is a common thing in standard kegel exercisers, this is the first time I’ve ever seen it in a vibrating one. You get the best of both worlds, and that’s what sets the We-Vibe Bloom apart, in my opinion.
A button (which is an indent in the base piece) gives the Bloom life. You get We-Vibe’s standard ten pre-set modes; four intensities of constant speed, and six patterns. If you choose to use that button alone, all you can do with the Bloom is pick your mode, insert the exerciser, and accept that this is all you’re gonna get unless you want to keep whipping it out so you can change it.
In my recent Jive review, I said a remote control would have been a brilliant addition. Alas, the Bloom doesn’t have one, either. To get the best of it, you need to use the We-Connect app. It’s free on the Apple Store or Google Play Store, and literally takes seconds to download.
Now, I have a confession to make. When it comes to upgrading and updating things, I am a useless shit. Seriously, my last laptop lived for something like five years, and I never updated it once.
When I was doing a final opinion check on the Bloom, a thought occurred to me. I should update the app! Now, to be honest with you, I’m not an app lover, so I hadn’t really gone into depth with it. All I’d done was use it as a remote. But there are some great options on there for creating your own patterns. It even separates the dual motor toys from the single motor ones, so you’re not just creating a pattern you like, you can create different ones to suit specific toys. For me, that’s a fuck on cos I’m not really a pattern fan, but for those who are this is a brilliant feature.
Something that is definitely missing from the app, is a kegel program. I had hoped the app update would magically throw one at me, but it didn’t. I think adding a basic set to follow would have been such a good idea, but unfortunately, it isn’t a thing.
This leads to the thought, well, it’s just a peanut shaped love egg, innit? Well, yes and no. Yes in the sense that all it does is vibrate, no in the sense that it’s progressively weighted. But I did wonder how I was supposed to take what the We-Vibe Bloom offers me in the way of vibes and turn it into an exercise program that would help strengthen muscles.
The answer is the pattern called ‘Tease’. It’s perfectly timed for a basic work out. I’ve discovered that the eight slow pulses are great for holding a steady squeeze, then when the vibes change to a rapid sixteen pulse stretch, beginners can take a rest, and more advanced players could switch between taking a rest and doing a fluttering set of quick squeezes.
Once you’ve got some experience under your belt, trying to follow the different patterns will offer your muscles different intensities of exercise. The fact that the app is on your phone screen will likely give you a clock somewhere, too, so you can easily set yourself a time limit.
So, with the Bloom being a We-Vibe product, I know loads of folks will be wondering if it can be used as effectively as a sex toy as it can an exercise helper. Well, that’s a toughie. The Bloom is a single motor vibrator, and it does bring We-Vibe’s signature rumbliness with it. But the power is nowhere near what I’ve come to expect from this brand. At first, I did wonder if it was maybe the shape or the detachable nature of the weighted end. But on testing the vibes with no weight, I can definitely feel a lack of pizzazz.
If the Bloom had been intended to help a body reach orgasm, I would have been so disappointed. But it isn’t. Not entirely. Some people will get orgasmic thrills from it, but I know as many other people won’t. It’s powerful enough to work with, but not to play with.
But you can wear it anywhere, even the bath or a swimming pool, so that’s a couple of bonuses. The waterproof aspect makes it easy to keep clean, too. Just ensure you don’t let any water get inside, cos it’ll die a thousand deaths if you do.
My final thoughts are positive, though. The Bloom is a fab little exerciser. It would be a perfect choice for those folks who only want to have to buy one. Don’t wanna have to source heavier weights every time your current exerciser stops being beneficial for you? Check out the Bloom. If you want weight options, but also vibrations, check out the Bloom. In fact, if you want a kegel exerciser of any type, click the banner below to check out the Bloom. It’s small but mighty, and I love mine.
