Based in the sunny climes of Florida, Uberrime is a handmade sex toy company that produces some of the most gorgeous dildos I’ve ever had the pleasure to get my paws on. Their wares are all silicone, all body-safe, and come in all shapes and sizes. As soon as I laid my eyes on the myriad of designs and colours available, my want monster got the boner of its life. Not long after, Uberrime’s charming and very friendly owner, Marco, granted me the opportunity to choose any product I wanted for review. Well, those of you who know me won’t be at all surprised to hear that I picked a tentacle. And now it’s time for me to wax lyrical about the gloriousness that is the Uberrime Xenusoid.
Well, it will be after I give you a bit more info about who Uberrime is. As I said, the company is run by Marco. What I didn’t say is that it’s run exclusively by Marco. Yep, from the very first spark of an idea to the designing, sculpting, pouring, unmoulding, boxing up and shipping of every Uberrime piece, there’s just Marco. For the time being. Now that prominent stores in the US are beginning to stock Uberrime products and pretty much everyone who comes across them wants one, I predict that he’s gonna have to start staffing the joint up.
Now, feast your eyes upon the Uberrime Xenusoid. Isn’t it stunning? I knew it was the one as soon as I saw the design. Even just looking at its picture online had me dancing in my pants and desperate to do bad things to it.
Are you dazzled by the remarkable colour combo? Samesies. I love it so much, partially because it’s awesome, and partially because I chose it. Yep, as well as the pre-made goodies listed on their site (also their Etsy store and other stockists) Uberrime offers custom builds for each of their designs. And not just for colour.
For my Xenusoid, I sent Marco a picture of my favourite fish and he did a stellar job of capturing the colours for me. Something else that you can customise is the firmness of your toy. Mine came in the Xenusoid’s default soft/medium density and I’m so happy that it did, cos it’s pretty much perfect for me.
The semi-shiny, platinum silicone is flexible, soft and squishy. The Fella says it has a similar density to Wine Gums. I’d rather cannibalise my own leg than go near gummy sweets, so I have no idea how accurate the comparison is. Suffice to say it bends freely in all directions, from whichever point of the toy you like. And that’s as much to do with the design as it is the silicone.
The Uberrime Xenusoid is, in a nutshell, a texture lover’s dream. There isn’t a single inch of its 8” length where there isn’t something exciting going on. See, rather than knocking out another Kraken-esque dildo, Uberrime shook things up a bit and went extra-terrestrial. Yes, this an alien creature, not an oceanic one. Most tentacle dildos are textured on one side and smooth on the other, but because of its background switch, the Xenusoid has two completely different textures to offer.
The front is where you’ll find the suckers, and the attention to detail is outstanding. Dozens and dozens of tiny circles within circles, some of them near flat, others slightly more pronounced. If, like me, you have a sensitive vaginal opening you’re in for some super subtle stimulation from those lil’ suckers. I hate alliteration, but am I changing the middle of that sentence? Nope, cos it’s all true.
Accompanying the gentle sense of a surface that’s constantly changing is a huge helping of aural stimulation. Those suckers make actual sucking sounds when the shaft is thrust in and out of a wet vagina. It’s a crackly, popping sound, and I love it. Being able to hear my own arousal is hot!
As much as I love the suckers, the outer side of the shaft is where my heart truly lies. The first thing I thought when I looked at it was, it reminds me of a spine. In the product description, Uberrime describes it as armour. Now I imagine the Uberrime Xenusoid as having Armadillo style plates that allow it to curl into a ball for protection when under threat.
These vertebrae-like ridges feel fucking incredible in use. Both my vag and my butt respond to them so well. Vaginally, I like thrusting. Just holding on to that lovely base and going at it hell for leather, making use every single one of the 6.5 insertable inches. It’s long enough, soft enough, pointed enough at the tip to give me delicious cervical stimulation. Slipping it behind my cervix? Seas and oceans of gushing. I can go g-spotting with it if I wish, too. But something magical happens when I turn it back to front…
The way the bold ridges whip over the tightest bit of skin at the bottom of my vaginal opening makes my legs tremble so much I kinda lose the use of them. I’ve had this happen with glass loads of times, and really girthy dildos, but never with a silicone dildo that I would consider small. And with hard toys, I sometimes inadvertently draw blood, but that’s never happened with the Xenusoid. I’m guessing it’s the softness of the ridges that prevents it.
The Uberrime Xenusoid has a tapered shaft and it measures 4.75” around the head, 5.25” around the middle, and 6.25” near the base. Vaginally, I only have to use the first four inches to take myself to the point of collapse. But anally I need, or rather want to have the whole thing in me.
Again, thrusting feels absolutely fantastic. One of my favourite sensations is that of my opening contracting around toys that dip and swell. Slow thrusts met me feel it distinctly and intensely, faster thrusts feel more aggressive but oddly smoother. I mentioned in this review that I’ve fallen in love with pairing the Uberrime Xenusoid with a thrusting vibrator. Just having it inserted anally while the vibe strokes over it from inside my vagina is heavenly. Some might find it a bit too harsh and pinchy, but I really enjoy it.
As with all soft dildos, I do find that solo anal insertion can be a bit awkward. If I don’t use enough lube my butt won’t open up to allow the tip entry. I try to get it in anyway, but it just bends. On the flip side, if I use too much lube I can’t keep the shaft stiff enough for insertion. That’s more to do with my ability to reach than it is the toy, though.
On the website, Uberrime says that the Xenusoid probably isn’t harness compatible. I’ve pranced around with it dangling from my Aslan harness and I reckon it would be absolutely fine for strap-on play. You’d just need to ensure that your O-ring is tight and maybe think about a bit of padding if the base is pressing against your skin.
One thing I can’t avoid saying is that the Uberrime Xenusoid is a dick to clean. The suckers have umpteen nooks and crannies and it’s vital that you get into each one. Especially after anal use, or if you share your toys with others. As it’s a hand-poured dildo and not a conveyor belt one, it isn’t without imperfections. Well, one at least. There’s a very small area where a sucker has separated from the one beside it, causing a tiny split. I know it’s there, though, so I take care to make sure it’s clean. I use soapy water or toy cleaner, but you can bleach it if you want. Uberrime includes a care sheet with all orders so you’ll have detailed instructions on how to keep your piece at its best.
I really can’t recommend Uberrime enough. I felt involved with every step of the ordering process. It was quick and easy, and Marco is super accommodating. He kept me fully updated about the status of my goodies, he knew where in the world it was, when it was delivered…Marco just really cared about my entire experience. He cares about his customers, wants them to be happy and have what they want. And his products are bloody amazing. Yeah, you can get cheaper silicone
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