This review has been four months in the making, folks. Four months of trying to get the Fella to drop his drawers so that I could get to work on his cock with one of the cute little masturbators from this Tenga Egg 6 Pack.
Don’t get me wrong, the boxers came down easily enough. But before I could say which texture do you want, he’d whipped the Hot Octopuss Pulse III Duo out and declared it the toy of the day. He’s a spoiled brat when it comes to that thing, and I’m a sucker, so I reviewed the other things MEO had sent me instead. Well, it’s high time I got to telling y’all about these fab little eggs, so here goes…
As the title of this review says, you get six Tenga Eggs in this variety pack. From what I understand, there’s a few different selections out there, but only this one at MEO. It isn’t a mystery pack. What you see listed is what you receive.
If you’ve never seen a Tenga Egg before, you’ll want to know what they are. Basically, they’re disposable penis masturbators. Arriving in wrapped, plastic egg shells, they’re Kinder for grown-ups, except there’s no chocolate to munch on before you get to the toy. Oh, and the toy inside is definitely not crap!
Made from super springy elastomer, they stretch to accommodate most penis sizes. The outside is smooth, looking very much like a hardboiled egg, and the insides are a treasure trove of exciting and not so exciting textures.
Technically, they’re a single use toy, but we’ve found that with careful cleaning and care, you can get up to five uses from a single egg before it becomes too misshapen for pleasurable use. If you’re a furious wanker who likes to drag the masturbator right to the base of your shaft, the lifespan is greatly reduced. But, if like the Fella, you prefer to concentrate the textures of the egg around the head of your cock while the other hand works on your shaft, you get more bang for your buck.
So, here’s a rundown of textures in our Tenga Egg 6 Pack, and the Fella’s opinions on them:
SPIDER
Being a couple of fans of all things even remotely goth, it was a no brainer that a toy named the Spider was gonna go first. Horizontal and vertical lines criss-cross to make a very fine spider web pattern that runs from the very top of the egg to the bottom. It really is a super fine texture, the gridding only standing out a few millimetres from the toy’s surface.
Once it’s stretched it becomes, in the Fella’s words, “A thick condom that feels like less than nothing.” Keeping it loose and rolling it around the head of his cock didn’t seem to improve the sensation for him, which was a shame. I so wanted the Spider to be our new favourite.
TWISTER
Soft, squashy, flappy tyre tracks. That’s how the Fella describes this. And I can see where he’s coming from. The Twister boasts half-centimetre deep blocks that wind around the egg, looking a bit like the blades of a fan. At the tip there’s a nub, perfect for tickling the urethral opening.
I think the Fella is probably just a fan of these bolder, soft textures, because he loves the Twister. He likes me to move it against the curve, cos apparently that feels better. And he lies just enough lube to make the elastomer lose its stickiness, because it’s easier for him to feel the textures. These Tenga Eggs may well be the first instance of wetter not being better in the Scandarella household!
CLICKER
Aah, the Clicker. What a controversial little critter this one is! It caused a ruck on Cara Sutra’s Pleasure Panel a couple of years back because a reviewer freaked out at what they called it’s ‘frog spawny’ texture and refused to use it. But the Fella ain’t no wilting cock, and he was very happy with this one. The Clicker is covered in little soft nubs, each of them around half a centimetre long. There’s a pattern to them, of circles, little flower clusters, and stand-alone spots.
I get toe curling reactions from the Fella when I roll this one around the tip of his cock, and he asks for a little shaft action from it, too. He says, “It looks like an alien’s head to me, and that should be weird but it’s not. I like this one, it feels good.” So there you have it. Stamp of approval!
SILKY
As soon as I opened this one up and checked out the texture, I knew it was going to crash and burn. That surprised me, because I’m almost sure we’ve bought the Silky on more than one occasion. Revisits usually = good.
But the Silky is possibly the least textured of all the Tenga Eggs we’ve used. I guess that, as the name suggests, it’s supposed to be smoother and gentler than the other options, but that makes it kinda pointless. It looks like the finest icing on a delicate little cake, and truly does become flat when stretched.
The Fella wasn’t impressed at all. Again, I kept it focused on the head of his cock, but he said, “If I had to choose between the Silky and a hand, I’d go au naturale. To get anything from it you need to grip really tight and the thing stretches over my head and suffocates my cock. I don’t like coming in that one, if feels too restrictive.” Great if restriction in your thing, but disappointing if it isn’t.
STEPPER
I thought this one would be the Fella’s fave, hands down. The Stepper is covered from top to bottom in little cupped half-moons. Some face up, and some down. They’re thick, flappy, and feel bold enough to the fingers. To my surprise, he said they didn’t feel like much.
He said, “Those lumpy bits had the potential to be a bit toungy, but that didn’t pan out. It was nice, in so much as hand jobs are nice, but that one I could take or leave.”
WAVY
We have a favourite! I didn’t think this would be the one, but it is. The Wavy looks like a flower, with thick ridges that wave around the egg in steps. The texture is probably a centimetre deep, and that makes it the boldest of all the options in this Tenga Egg 6 Pack.
The Fella loves having this one stroked up and down the first couple of inches of his cock, with a little twist around the head on the down stroke. He comes so fast when we use this one, it gives me as much pleasure as it gives him. I try to make it happen as quickly as possible, he tries to fight it, fails and comes everywhere, and we’re both left with our own sense of satisfaction. His thoughts? “Yeah, get more of that one, please.”
———————
So those are our opinions on the Tenga Eggs you’ll find in variety pack one. I should mention a couple of things here. The first is that you get a sachet of lube inside of every egg, so you’re ready to go for your single shot if you prefer to just use them once then bin ‘em. It’s a water-based lube, and if you keep your egg for another few goes, you’ll need to make sure you use water-based. We have used hybrid lube with no issues, though, just so you know.
And the second thing I want to mention is, wand heads. Yep, I received this wand for review recently, and it came with a foil packed egg that was basically the Tenga Egg Wavy. It was intended to be stretched over the head of the wand to give a different dimension to the stimulation on offer. For me, it was shite, but if you get that particular wand and like the whole disposable sleeve thing, don’t buy their brand eggs. They have very little choice in texture, and they’re expensive. If you like that sorta thing, stock up on Tenga Eggs instead.
This pack is probably best bought as a gift. It comes in a plastic egg box with each of the eggs individually sealed, so I reckon it’d be a fab thing to find in a stocking at Christmas, etc. If you haven’t tried Tenga Eggs before, the six pack is a great way to sample a range of their textures – from mild to mighty – to discover which type suits you best.
Whatever your reason for wanting a pack of disposable masturbators, click the banner below and go pick some up from MEO.
