Yesterday I offered you my thoughts on the Teddy Love Vibrating Bear. They weren’t the most positive of thoughts, and that’s understandable because it isn’t the best of products. In fact, it could well be the worst. Today, it’s the turn of the Teddy Love Heart-Shaped Butt Plug, and yes, my thoughts on this toy are just as grim.
This plug came to me along with the bear. It wasn’t bubble wrapped, nor was it wrapped in paper. I found it rattling around the feet of the bear in a little (open) Ziploc bag.
Anyway, when I’d spotted the plug on Teddy Love Toys’ website, I’d fallen for it hard. Stainless steel, rosebud bulb, and a heart-shaped base finished with a gorgeous caramel coloured glass gem. I do have a heart-based plug already, but the colour of this one was irresistible.
Because I was so enamoured with it, my disappointment when I saw its size was intense. I double checked the product page, wondering how I’d wound up choosing a plug that’s spectacularly wrong for me. As it turns out, the reason is because there isn’t any sizing info on said product page. All there is to suggest that the plug will be small are the words, ‘sure to please beginners.’
From end to end, the Teddy Love Heart-Shaped Butt Plug measures up at a miniscule 2.5-inches. The bulb is 1.5” with a girth of about 3.75-inches. The base has a girth of about 3.75”, too. Now, I’d love to say that the shape of the base would be enough to prevent the butt from sucking it in, but I truly don’t believe it is. In my opinion, this plug is not anal safe.
My arse could swallow this up in a heartbeat. Any arse that’s accustomed to being stretched by anything more than the little finger could swallow it up. A bit of pressure from the outside, even if it’s just from chubby cheeks, and it’s adios amigos.
Not even the Fella – who likes smaller plugs – would entertain it. He actually asked me if there was a hole in the Teddy love Bear, cos he thought it was intended as a decoration for that. I assured him that it was, indeed, meant for human use, and he was quite shocked. He said, “Well, you can’t put that up your arse. Use it as a paperweight for Post-It notes instead.”
But, even if the plug had been safe to use, I wouldn’t have. Because the quality is shockingly subpar.
After I’d finished ranting about the size, something occurred to me. Where the fuck was the gem? We looked for it, and it turns out it was in the bottom of the teddy bear’s box. It had been glued in, and had fallen out during transit.
But I don’t believe for one second that it was anything to do with the shoddy way it had been flung in the box. It’s all to do with bad build. You see, that gem had been superglued into the base. And when I popped it back in, I could see that it didn’t quite fit. It’s off by about three millimetres. Not a lot, but more than enough to be bad in an anal toy. In any toy, in fact.
And worse, the cut out for the gem is so poorly done. It’s ragged, sharp, and the curves of the heart are sporting a couple of deep scratches, while the point has a huge ding in it. I won’t have it that it happened during transit, either. Nothing in that cardboard box inside another cardboard box could have done such damage to stainless steel. If that is even what it is.
Now, I know I could have contacted Teddy Love Toys and explained that the plug was no good. They would probably have offered to send a replacement, but the fact is, I didn’t want one. I was concerned that they would suggest that I didn’t review it once they knew how unhappy I was. But that doesn’t sit right with me. Negative review avoidance never will.
On top of that, I noted that they have a ‘no returns offered on any product, unless it has a defect’ policy. If you do have a dud product, you get 30 days to lodge your complaint. After that, you’re lumbered with a broken thing. Given that I’ve had two Teddy Love products that have both been dire, I wouldn’t my put trust in such a short returns window.
So, all that together is why I’ve chosen to review a product I’ve never even used. I think people need to be aware that Teddy Love Toys doesn’t sell quality own-brand products. In my opinion, this plug isn’t safe for anal use. Others might disagree and that’s perfectly fine, but I won’t be recommending it to my readers.