I’m about to share one of the most exciting things that has happened to me in my entire sex toy reviewing career. When Crimson Princess became a sponsor of Scandarella they gave me permission to choose any product I liked from their store for review. Well! They carry so many amazing things it could have been a case of a kid in a candy shop, but luckily for me, I’ve long kept extensive lists of toys that have caught my eye. And this seemed like the perfect opportunity to get my hands on something I’ve wanted for ages. The rather incredible Swan Wand.
When someone says the word ‘wand’ my mind immediately conjures up an image of the Doxy. Or Harry Potter, depending on the conversation. See, when I think of the classic wand shape I think of long handles, usually wired, and narrow necks that make using their large domed heads internally not just impractical but also inadvisable. But more and more often I’m seeing what I would class as a vibrator badged up as a wand. That seems to be the case with the Swan Wand…if you’re a fan of uber girthy vibrators, that is.
Every inch of this wand is silicone. Bright pink silicone that’s super matte and loves dust as much as I love coffee. Thank god for the included storage bag is all I can say there. There isn’t a handle, or a neck, or even a cable to this wand, it’s just one solid piece. It’s a USB rechargeable toy, but unlike most things these days it’s a jack charger and not micro USB. The port for the pin is situated in the very centre of the shaft and, while it looks open and vulnerable to fluids, it isn’t. It’s 100% waterproof and fully submersible, so all is well for water babies and soapy water washers.
Now, if you’ve read many of my reviews you’ll know that I’m partial to big fat dildos. It’s a good job that silicone options are so widespread now cos I really do love ‘em. The thing is, no matter how much I love them I still find them lacking sometimes. Not because they don’t feel good, but because I have a greedy vagina that sometimes demands more. Sometimes, it wants to be filled with a girth that comes with vibrations.
When that happens, I resort to holding my Doxy against the base of a dildo and making do with transferred vibes. On occasion, I’ve even thrown caution to the wind and inserted my Doxy. Not advisable, folks. Getting it in is a piece of piss but getting it back out again after orgasm is not an enjoyable experience.
But the Swan Wand solves the shit out of my ‘want more can’t sensibly get more’ problem. It’s a double ended toy that measures 10” from tip to tip. One end has a reasonable circumference of 5”, which is probably one of the most common girths for vibrators. But the other end…that has a girth of 7 glorious inches around its widest point. I can’t think of many (if any) safely insertable vibrators that come close to being this chunky.
So, it’s clear that I was always gonna be a fan of how big this toy is, but size isn’t everything. What’s most important is the vibes…
The Swan Wand is a dual motor toy, each end having an independently controllable one of their own. If you’re playing solo you can opt not to have the ‘handle’ end switched on, and if you’re sharing the toy you can switch on both and each user can select the mode that suits them best.
The controls are found in the centre of the toy and there are two of them. Firstly, there’s a travel lock. Holding both buttons down for five or so seconds switches this lock on and off. A buzz lets you know if you’ve been successful. After that you have two options; a tap on your chosen button switches on the corresponding motor, and subsequent taps give you access to the Swan Wand’s seven modes. Alternatively, holding the button down lets you adjust the intensity of constant vibration from lowest to highest. To turn it off both buttons need to be tapped together.
These buttons can be a bit awkward to use, depending on how I play. Using it as a standard external wand is fine, but when I have the toy inserted the buttons end up inside of me. To change up the vibes I have to slightly withdraw the toy. To turn it off I have to whip it out altogether cos my fingers just slip over the wet buttons if I try to do it with even a small portion of the wand still inside me. This can suck a bit during orgasm if I just want to change the setting. And if I’m caught mid-wank and need to turn the toy off it sucks massively, cos it isn’t a quiet thing and pulling it out unleashes all the noise that my vag had been muffling.
I bet you’re thinking, for fuck’s sake, Ella, just tell us what the vibes are like! Well, they’re extraordinary. They’re powered by what Swan calls ‘power bullets’ and they are fucking incredible. I’ve not come across a toy as powerful as this that I didn’t have to plug into the wall. The quality of the vibes is exactly what I love; deep, rumbly, and totally kick-ass.
For its maiden voyage, I used the smaller end on my clit while the Fella did a spot of fingering. I honestly paid no attention to what he was doing cos every part of me was all about the vibes. Strong orgasms, delivered quickly. The second time I was expecting the same level of vibrations just dampened by the broader surface, but nope. The larger head is much more powerful than the smaller end. Even though it was on my clit I could feel it inside of me and I told the Fella that that was where I wanted it.
So, naturally, he lubed it up, slipped it in and used bondage tape to secure the outer part to my neck. Yes, he wrapped tape around the vibrator then pulled it up my back and around my goddam neck. This not only choked me a little bit, which was good, but it also ensured that the head of the wand was securely mashed into my front wall. Every time I moved my head the wand ground against my g-spot. It took a little finger wiggling and nail nipping to get the vibes switched on, and then he held my We-Vibe Tango against my clit. He just sat there and watched me die from a pleasure overload.
I don’t really like doing the whole ‘I came so hard I found religion’ thing in reviews. I’m always conscious that my experiences have a direct influence on other people’s expectations. I’m aware that some folks might feel broken if they don’t come as hard, or as often, or at all. But this time I can’t not. After that experience – which has been repeated more than once to the same effect – the Swan Wand has become my number one toy. It’s so good I’m finding it hard not to scream just fucking buy one right now.
In my opinion, the only thing better than it vibes wise is my Doxy. But it still tops it cos I can’t insert my Doxy. I can’t take my Doxy in the bath. I can’t wash it in the sink. And I can’t hold one end of the Doxy against my clit while the Fella slips the other end up his butt. The Swan Wand is versatile and magical. I adore it and think I always will.
If it sounds like something you might want to add to your collection, click the banner below and head on over to Crimson Princess.