Last New Year’s Day, I reviewed a dildo that I had wanted since pussy was a kitten. It was big, bold, and beautiful and twelve months down the line my love for it is as strong as ever. Then November gone saw the arrival of another dildo that was large and in charge and I saw the potential for a new blog tradition. From now on around here January 1st will be known as Scandarella’s Big Dong Day. Here are my thoughts on the latest addition to my gallery of big dicks – the Split Peaches Unicorn Horn Dildo.
As I have in another handful of reviews, I’m not gonna bother building up to the ‘but do I like it’ part. I mean, of course I like it. I fucking love it. The Split Peaches Unicorn Horn Dildo is a magical bit of kit and it’s dominated the bedroom since the day it arrived. I shit you not, peeps, I literally cannot keep my orifices off it. Whenever I’ve settled down to test another dildo or a vibe I’ve only managed to stay on task until I reached a certain level of arousal. As soon as my body switched from working mode to wanking mode I’ve leapt from the bed and ripped the Unicorn Horn from the cupboard, slathered it in lube and sat my arse straight on it.
But more about that in a minute…
First, a bit about Split Peaches. If you want silicone insertables that look absolutely nothing like cocks – be they human or fantasy – Connecticut based Split Peaches is where you need to be. Pretty much all of their toys are heavy on texture and everything is made from high quality, body safe silicone. Whether your jam is myth and magic, steampunk, or even Dr frigging Who, there’s bound to be something for you. Hell, you can even get a glow in the dark grenade for your ass. Not many places can boast that, now, can they?
Nearly all of their toys come in a range of sizes, so you can either choose one that you can use right away or opt for something a lil’ bigger that you can train your body to take. The size range for the Unicorn Horn Dildo is:
- Small – 6” insertable, 5” circumference (1 5/8” diameter)
- Medium – 8” insertable, 7” circumference (2.25 diameter)
- Large – 10” insertable, 8.7” circumference (2.8” diameter)
I’m sure you’ve guessed (especially since I called my horn large and in charge at the start of the review) that I opted for the biggun. And, by heck, it really is that! This sucker is the length of my forearm, and at its widest point, it’s thicker than my wrist *swoons*.
I love how firm the silicone is. Only the top part of the shaft has any flex to it, the rest of it is too dense to give. There’s no squish to it either, so not only is it a super firm fuck but it’s also surprisingly easy to use. Some lengthy toys can be a bit unwieldy, bending this way and that when you try to get them in you with lubey hands. But this one stays solid so no matter what angle I go in from, I can get right on it with no fucking about.
And, though I know you can see it right there in the pics, I can’t not mention the colouration. Split Peaches offer some fantastic colours from metallic metals, luminous pinks and glow in the dark greens to pearly whites, candy twists and rainbows. I opted for ‘Pastel Pleasures’ cos I’ve not seen anything like it anywhere else. I expected it to be lovely but every time I look it I’m stunned by how gorgeous it actually is.
So, using it
Texture! Oh my gawd, the texture of this thing is incredible. You probably look at it and think, it’s just a simple twist, Ella, calm the fuck down, but it really isn’t.
It’s a bold assed twist with defined bumps that are so deep I can feel my openings widening and closing around each and every one. Its size means I’m wrapped around it so tightly even the parts of my vagina that only usually register the roughest of touches know this thing is there. But it isn’t rough by any means. Other than the humps formed by the twist, the Split Peaches Unicorn Horn is completely smooth. An intense fuck by a smooth silicone toy. Magic!
This is one of those toys that make me curse the length of my vaginal canal. I want so much to be able to lower myself onto it and keep going – down, down, down – until I feel my vaginal opening stretching tight and the chunky base pressing against my body. But I can’t, I get 6 or 7 inches in and then I hit the wall. Because of that, I don’t feel like I can use the Unicorn Horn to its full potential vaginally.
But sticking it up my butt – or rather, splitting my peach – is another matter altogether.
This is where the real magic happens for me. Just as my vaginal opening does, my anal opening feels every single rise and fall of the twist…except with probably ten times the intensity. I learnt long ago that my butt is much more sensitive and responsive than my vag, and also that I can take a much longer length in there. To my absolute delight, I can sit on the Unicorn Horn Dildo and, with a few bounces to distribute the lube properly, keep going until every inch is in me.
The weight of it keeps it mostly still so I can ride it hands-free, and if the Fella is playing he can change the way it feels by twisting it as he thrusts. When I come while using this toy I come hard. So hard I sometimes don’t realise that I’ve let myself get carried away and I’ve hurt myself. Yeah, not the smartest thing I could do, is it? But I’ve discovered that using a lube syringe to deposit some of the slippery stuff (a good quality water-based anal lube like Sliquid Sassy) directly inside of me as well as outside and on the dildo itself goes a long way to preventing wank wounds.
Something else I love about the size of it is instant orgasms. It happens with most of my big toys. If I’m turned on enough, the act of fully inserting a very thick, very long toy very slowly can see my masturbation sessions last about ten seconds. Yep, I can sit on my Unicorn Horn Dildo and by the time the base hits my butt I’m coming. It’s not a weak ‘came too soon’ orgasm, either. It’s a thigh shaking one that has me delighted and disappointed in equal measure. Delighted because I’ve come and disappointed because I want to do it again but can’t.
The last thing I’ll say about it is that the base makes it easy to store upright, and also harness compatible. You’ll need a 3” O-Ring and a good quality, tight fitting harness though there will still be a little bit of sag because of its weight. We haven’t used it this way yet (on me, of course, the Fella would have a fucking stroke if I even suggested I fuck him with something this big, lol) but I have pranced around with it in the harness. It’s heavy but once it’s inside of someone I reckon it’ll be quite easy to use.
I really do love this thing and I’m elated to have it in my collection. But it isn’t gonna see my collection for a while yet cos it’s staying in the easy access cupboard I keep review products in. I don’t want to have to fish it out of the toy cupboard when I want to use it, I want to be able to get at it immediately.
If you’d live to pick up a twisty, magical Unicorn Horn Dildo of your own, click the banner below and head over to Split Peaches. If the large one makes your eyes water, you can always opt for something smaller.
