When I first got a look at the Shed Simove OMG Vibrator in a trade mag, I had a bit of a flashback. This brand-new product – which was three years in the making – reminded me so much of my Rocks Off Rock Chick. But it was curvier, funkier, and to my eyes, it looked like it could potentially be a much better fit for my bits. My head was full of ways that it might be superior to the old forearm grip that is my Rock Chick. Thanks to the ever-awesome Sex Toys UK, I got to compare the two.
And do you know what? They’re not really all that similar after all.
I don’t usually mention packaging these days unless it wows me or pisses me off, but this packaging warrants a mention. And yet, it’s nothing spectacular. Silver foil blocked dots and unmissable pink text on a black background. Maybe it’s the toy itself providing the G in OMG that I like. Making the product a part of the presentation in this manner is clever. I mean, if a toy is being fun in the box, surely, it’ll be fun when it comes out box.
As you’d expect from a product designed in the belly of Rocks Off’s workshops, the Shed Simove OMG is made of silicone. Bright pink, in yo’ face, gorgeously smooth silicone. Pink people are gonna love this to death. I love it to death when I’m in frilly mode. But I read in the magazine article that Shed Simove had some ideas when it came to colouring his creation. He wanted orange and dayglow green. Waaaaah! I want orange and dayglow green, fuck all this pink in sex toys, man!
Anyway, moving on from what could have been…
I adore the way the OMG looks. It’s a capital G shaped dual stimulator. The sweeping curve of the G is inserted into the vagina, or butt if you’d rather, and its destination is the g/p-spot. Once it’s in there, the bar of the G naturally nestles in the clitoral or perineal area.
I was kinda surprised when I got my trusty tape measure out to size this thing up. It looks compact and small, but it isn’t. If you follow the curve of the insertable part, you’ll discover that you have up to 7” of insertable length. Maybe a half an inch more, even. Your actual insertable length will all depend on the contours of your body.
The Shed Simove OMG is rocking some pretty dense silicone. It’s very flexible (this helps so much with insertion and customising fit) but also tremendously firm to the touch. There’s no give in it at all. I knew that, while this would be a good thing for firm g-spot stimulation, it could also spell bad news for the vibes. Silicone is well known for dampening vibrations, so I was left wondering how strong they’d feel once they reached the 4” round tip.
Powering the 2” x 1.5” external bulb is an RO 80mm bullet from Rocks Off. It slots into a hollow in the base of the sleeve. Again, it’s pink, but these bullets are made of hard ABS plastic, not silicone. Rocks Off bullets have many different options, but this particular one is seven function. Three constant vibration speeds and four patterns.
Nearly all vibes begin on their lowest setting and you have to click your way to the top. That’s what I always do cos I like all the power all the time. But there seems to be a trend arising where toys start on their strongest vibes and subsequent clicks make them weaker. The bullet in the Shed Simove OMG is one of these toys.
I’m gonna sound like a total dick here, but I wish they would still start on slow. I know, I know, this way means I don’t have to click to get what I want. I turn it on, have my ideal setting right there and away I go. But I’ve also been misled by this a few times.
See, when I turn a toy on, I expect the first vibes to be the least it’s gonna give me. I was excited at the thought that Rocks Off had massively improved their bullets, cos the first setting was on par with the highest on their other ones. But nope. One click, and down it went. I wasn’t getting any more from this bullet than I do all my other ROs. Even holding it in my hand I could feel that the power at the end of the shaft wasn’t the same as it was at the clit bit.
It was with a heavy heart that I lubed this thing up and waggled it into my vag. My first thought was, thank fuck the thing fits! Yes, it made pretty much perfect contact with both my g-spot and my clit. I didn’t get a lot of pressure from it hands-free. But twisting my hips a bit to push my thighs together worked well. Scissoring my legs a tiny bit rocked the Shed Simove OMG back and forth, resulting in a light grinding sensation both inside and out.
So far, so good. The sensations from just wearing the toy were super arousing, but because I was wary of the vibes I delayed powering them on. I left it right up until the moment I started getting pissed at the internal tip for not being a hammer before pressing the button.
And my fears were realised. The usual buzziness of the RO bullet was softened by the silicone. Not so much that I couldn’t feel it, but enough that, even in my angry-aroused state, it wasn’t gonna get me off. And the shaft…it was almost like I could feel the vibes getting softer and softer along the length until, right at the tip, there was only the barest suggestion of them.
I came, though. It took wrapping my fingers and palm around the parts I could touch and shaking the toy half to death, but I did it. And it was a decent orgasm, too.
This left me in a pickle. On one hand, I loved the sleeve. On the other, I didn’t think the RO bullet did it justice at all. Obviously, this meant that I needed to try a different bullet. Out came my trusty We-Vibe Tango.
And the Shed Simove OMG got a lot closer to what it should have been. The Tango kicks the arse off of Rocks Off bullets, so immediately my OMG was packing more power. There was a dampening along the shaft, but I got so much more internally than I had before. I come quickly with this power exchange, and I don’t even have to give myself wanker’s cramp.
Walking down the stairs, to the freezer for ice, then back up again had me coming by the time I reached my bedroom door. Sitting in the car and circling my hips had the same effect. Grinding against the Fella’s thigh, a cushion, or my own hand does the job, too.
But I knew I couldn’t rate the OMG in its Franken-state, so back to the drawing board I went. It didn’t take me long to discover than I can wear it with the RO bullet during anal sex with much success. Yes, in the same way that I’d wear a We-Vibe Sync. Its shape keeps it where I put it, and it stays there long enough for me to come. Strangely, the Fella says he can feel it through my walls. I reckon it’s psychological, but he swears it’s true.
I’m so pleased I discovered that cos even though it would have pained me, I was about to poo-poo this toy. But it works great when combined with other (intense) stimulation, and I still have the option of switching bullets. I can take it on the road, in the bath, use it with the Fella or solo. And given its super low price point, I reckon it’s an absolute gem of a toy.
If you’d like to give it a shot, click the banner below.
