When the lovely Cassie at Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium asked me to choose something from a list of products that required reviewing, I’ll admit that I struggled. They have so much gorgeous stuff, and I was like a kid looking through an Argos catalogue at the beginning of December.
But despite the fact that I loved so many things, my eyes were repeatedly drawn back to the Mistress Cupid Extra Large Vibrating Dildo.
If you’ve read any of my other dildo reviews, you’ll probably know I look for three things: texture, curve, and girth. The purple hunk of silicone that is the Mistress XL is as smooth as sea glass, but the lack of texture isn’t an issue at all, and that’s because it has two of those top three features I crave. Girth, and a curve.
Boasting what is actually a quite subtle curve, given it’s appearance, the firm but flexible shaft of the Mistress XL is divided into three ‘waves’ which start wide at the base and taper off into something that would be manageable to most people who have some experience with penetration. The tip is a respectably average 5 inches in circumference. It’s rounded and softly tapered, making insertion – whether vaginal or anal – easy and comfortable. The centre portion of the shaft increases to a pleasantly stretching 6 inches, and the final third at the base is a hairs breadth off 7 glorious, fat inches.
That right there is what I want! Thick, chunky loveliness that’s gonna fill me up and stretch me out. A dildo with a circumference that’s big enough to touch all my internal hotspots at once, without me having to manipulate angles in order to join the dots.
But before I tell you how the Mistress XL treats me in use, I’ll mention a few other things.
First, the base. Have you ever seen such a massive base before? Well you might have, but I haven’t. Formed in the shape of a heart, the wide base not only makes the Mistress XL anal safe, but it also makes it harness compatible. You’ll need a 2 inch O-Ring, and a hella strong harness, because at 408g, this is one weighty dildo! It really could kill your harness if you don’t have a robust one, so bear that in mind.
Another thing to bear in mind about the base is, it’s not a suction cup. It’s just flat (with a bullet-hole for the vibe), though there is enough weight to it to keep it on the floor or on a chair so you can ride it, especially if you lube it up well.
The second thing I want to mention is, this isn’t just a dildo. It’s a vibrating dildo. As I said above, there’s a bullet-hole in the base, and Sh! provides one of their cute little bullet vibes to fill it. However, said vibe isn’t powerful enough for me when used alone, so even if the bullet actually stayed in the hole (it doesn’t) trying to get those vibes to do anything for me through 408g of silicone is a waste of time.
Slipping my We-Vibe Tango in there gives much better results, but I would rather just use the Mistress XL as a dildo, if I’m honest. It feels good enough to not actually need enhancing with internal vibes.
Now, in use, I find too much water-based lube – a small bottle of which was provided with the dildo – makes the Mistress XL too slippery. The silicone is the shiny kind that has more than its fair share of drag, so lube is essential, but too much kinda spoils it. As with most silicone toys, water-based lube is recommended, but I’ve been using mine with hybrid lube, and it hasn’t suffered for it.
Vaginally, I’m not sold on the Mistress XL. As I said earlier, I love the 7 inch circumference of the shaft, but unfortunately, I can’t fit the full 7.5 inch length inside of me, my vaginal canal just isn’t long enough. I end up in a situation where I can just feel the hint of a stretch around my vaginal opening, but it’s not enough to make me say ooh.
I do love the length, because it makes thrusting much easier, especially when combined with the large ‘handle’ the base provides, but I don’t get that final stretch that I really wanted from this toy.
However. I can take more than 7.5 inches of length no problem when I’m using a toy anally, and this is where the Mistress XL really shines for me. Again, I like the stretch I get from using large toys anally, but if a dildo is uniformly thick I can sometimes be left with what feels like a tender belly.
The stepped size of the Mistress XL is perfect for me, because while the slimmer tip means there’s no sensation of internal over stuffing, I still get that fantastic stretching around my anus. Riding the dildo back and forth between the middle and lower sections of the shaft gives me that stretch over and over until I orgasm and die.
If you’re a fan of playing in water – and are a fan of the Sh! bullet – you’ll be happy to know that all of this toy including said bullet is waterproof. Therefore cleaning your Mistress XL is a breeze. You can either go down the soapy water wash and toy spray route, or you can remove the bullet and boil the dildo, shove it in the dishwasher, or whatever you like. The batteries on the bullet don’t last 5 minutes if you leave them in, so always remove them to get the best life from them that you can. If you don’t have a dildo shelf tucked away in a cupboard, you may want to buy a storage bag, as there isn’t one provided.
Given its vital statistics, I reckon it’s clear that the Mistress XL isn’t for the faint of heart, or the inexperienced of orifice. It’s a girthy beast, so if you’re looking to buy your own – which you can do right here – be sure to check those measurements so you’re clear on what you’re getting.
The Mistress Cupid Extra Large Vibrating Dildo was sent to me by Sh! Women’s Erotic Emporium in exchange for an honest review. This in no way influences my opinions, which are now, and will forever be, my own. Affiliate links have been used in this post
