I love sex toys. Not the most shocking of revelations, I know, but I do. I love them the way the Fella loves cars. He can wax lyrical about the shape of a headlight for hours on end, just as I can the shape of a vibrator. He often oooohs over the metallic finish of a paint job, and I do the same thing over the marbling of a hand-poured silicone dildo. But, in all fairness, sex toys aren’t vital to healthy, satisfying sex or masturbation. In my opinion, the only thing that is vital to good lovin’ is lube, and the most recent one to go a few laps around my bedroom is the Secret Play Oceanic Wakame & Nori Lubricant from Latex, Leather & Lace.
Another non-shocker is my love affair with Sliquid. It’s my go-to brand cos it’s easily accessible and there’s a type for pretty much every sex act I can think to perform. Well, apart from fisting. But I’m always on the lookout for something new. Something that comes close to Sliquid.
Secret Play Oceanic ticks a lot of the necessary boxes straight away. It’s glycerine and paraben free. Water-based, so it’s safe to use with all toy materials. It’s latex compatible, and organic and vegan-friendly to boot.
When I open a new brand of lube, the first thing I do is have a sniff, hoping to smell nothing. Usually, that’s exactly what happens. Sometimes there’s a faint sweetness, other times a chemical tang or, in rare cases, an icky wallpaper paste kinda funk. But usually, there’s nothing.
When I hovered my nose over Secret Play Oceanic my initial reaction was, Jesus, my cunt’s gonna smell like a bunch of flowers after I use this! The floral scent is fucking bizarre and not at all pleasant. I mean, it would make a lovely scented candle, but it’s just weird to have such a flowery lube.
I splodged a big blob on the back of my hand and had a browse of the ingredients. Porphyra umbilicalis (Laver) and undaria pinnatifida (Wakame) are both seaweed extracts, and the floral scent comes from lavender, ylang-ylang. Bit stinky, in my opinion.
While I read, good things were happening on the back of my hand. Initially, the lube was super thick and gel-like. It stayed in its splodge until I started to paw at it. Once it gets warm and starts to spread it thins out to something quite the opposite. It becomes watery and thin and surprisingly non-drying.
That rapid thinning rules it out as an anal lube in my eyes. I prefer thick, gloopy lubes for bum fun. It isn’t any good for oral, either. I discovered that when I read the very small do not eat warning on the box as my tongue hovered less than an inch above my hand. Yikes! An instruction like that coulda been printed in bigger frigging letters.
By this point, I was prepared to be disappointed, but after just one use I was pleasantly surprised. It lasts for ages and doesn’t need reapplying unless a session goes on for a while. I’ve paired it with silicone and ABS vibes, as well as steel, silicone and glass dildos, and all to great effect. If the toys are massive it needs topping up, but regular sized stuff is okay. There’s plenty of slip ‘n’ slide and no stickiness once playtime is over.
Something else it does well is slick up PIV sex. Once warmed, its thin consistency feels a lot like natural lubrication during thrusting, though my fingers do know the difference. It doesn’t offer cushioning, just wetness, and that’s what I want when I fuck.
All-in-all, Secret Play Oceanic doesn’t come anywhere near Sliquid’s quality, nor does it have its versatility, but it’s a lovely lube to use for masturbation, especially the manual kind. If you need a do-it-all lube it’s not the one for you, but if you want ultimate wetness that lasts and doesn’t turn tacky, give it a shot.
To pick up a 100ml bottle, click the banner below.
The Secret Play Oceanic Wakame & Nori Lubricant was sent to me by Latex, Leather & Lace in exchange for an honest review. This in no way influences my opinions, which are now, and will forever be, my own. No affiliate links have been used in this post.