I love putting stuff up my butt. It’s a cold, hard fact that the orgasms I get via anal penetration are always stronger than any vaginal based climax I have. If you pop into Scandarella often you’ll probably know that I adore big and implausible toys for anal. It probably seems like I spend all my days straddling stuff the size of traffic cones. I don’t, though. Just as it is with dildos, I sometimes need a smaller, less challenging toy, and one such product that came to me in recent months is the Rocks Off Vortex.
Now, I’m not the biggest Rocks Off fan in the world. Don’t get me wrong, I think their stuff is always gorgeous, always well designed, and always well executed. And I had a passionate love affair with their bullets back when my mild interest in sex toys first morphed into an obsession. But with time their vibes became less effective for me, so now they’re pretty much exclusively for the Fella’s use, with exceptions, of course. The Vortex is one of those exceptions.
As with most other anal offerings from Rocks Off, the Vortex is a vibrator and removeable sleeve combo. Right from the off that’s two toys in one. Another cold, hard fact is that silicone dampens vibes, so being able to remove the vibrator from inside of it means that you get maximum power for your clit, vagina, nipples, or wherever the hell else you like. I must stress that this vibe must only be used anally if the sleeve is fitted. It ain’t anal safe without a flared base.
The Vibrator
Most Rocks Off sleeved toys are powered by a small bullet, often something like the Ignition. But powering the Rocks Off Vortex is a chunky RO-120mm bullet. The colour of this ABS plastic vibe is something I’m totally here for. A happy, summery yet icy turquoise blue. The button and waterproofing ring are both black (in keeping with the colour of the sleeve) and there’s an embossed Rocks Off stamp on the shaft. I wish that stamp was someplace else (the battery cap, maybe) cos it’s deep enough to be a pain in the arse to clean.
Including the protruding button right at the base, this bullet measures up at 5”. An inch and a half longer than a standard bullet. Long enough to delve between thick labia, or penetrate to g-spot depth, while still leaving plenty to hold onto. It has a girth of 3.5” so is pretty slender. It’s kinda like a stubby classic vibe, I guess.
Like I said above, this vibe is battery powered. Two AAAs are what you need to get this thing going, and when you twist off the battery cap you’ll find them already fitted. Then when you come to put the battery cap back on you may well curse the gods, cos it’s one of those affairs where you have to line up little plastic squares inside before you twist. I don’t have issues with grip and I can see fine, yet I keep having to spin it around until it slots in.
Once you get that sorted and you’re ready to go, you have ten settings to play with. As seems to be the norm there are three constant vibrations and the rest are patterns. I’m happy to say that the vibes are pretty damned good. I’ll be honest, I really didn’t expect them to be, but they are. There’s a distinct rumble to them that I can feel deeper than just surface level.
I always test my vibrators on my nose as soon as they’re fully charged. Clichéd, I know, but for me it’s a good indicator of how much I’m gonna like any given toy. If it feels itchy or makes me want to sneeze I know I have something buzzy. If I feel it in my cheekbones, eyes, or lips I know I have rumbles. This one I feel in my lips. And when I use it on my clit I come easily enough. So basically, the foundations of the Rocks Off Vortex are strong.
The Sleeve
Smooth, silky black silicone is what the Rocks Off Vortex sleeve is made of. This is the type of silicone I love touching. It feels so sleek to my fingertips I like to just sit and stroke it absentmindedly sometimes. That’s why I’m currently typing with one hand.
If you like to have your anal sensations boosted by textures you’re in for a treat with this one. The bullet-shaped tip balloons gently into a series of thick ridges before going smooth again. Because the silicone is so smooth and the wave from one ridge to the next so shallow, it doesn’t feel like it’ll be all that intense.
But if you consider the 4” of insertable length and a maximum girth of 5”, you’ll realise that your anal opening is gonna have to stretch quite a bit to accommodate it. Butts are often cited as being the most sensitive to textures and sizes, and once vibes are involved everything feels much bigger and bolder than it is.
Without the vibe inserted this is just a hollow sleeve. I’ve developed a habit of placing it in my vagina while I use larger anal toys. Most of it squishes so it’s easier to hold onto than a firmer toy. But the tip stays quite stiff and once my butt is full? G-Spot stimulation ahoy. I love the extra tightness it offers, and I love that I get an echo of DP with the Fella and a toy. But this toy isn’t just a vibe or a sleeve, it’s a duo, and…
The Rocks Off Vortex
Using them together is pretty awesome. Once water-based lube is applied, the bullet like tip helps with initial penetration. I find that the wide, flared base acts as a shield in more ways than one, cos lube gathers around it and drips off rather than running down my fingers. The shaft opens up straight away, so on come the stretches which are quickly made all the more intense by the dips between the ridges. Pulling that small section in and out is fucking dreamy, I feel every single bump.
And then once it’s all the way in it feels big and comfy. My love of large anal toys isn’t to do with size inside my body, it comes from the sensation of the anal opening stretch. Small toys like this feel just as good when they’re all inside me cos my walls are all being touched. Then once the vibes start it’s even better. Just wriggling my butt can mimic the sensations I get from penetration cos it makes the toy press against loads of different spots. And when I come? Pulling the toy out gives me the quick whip from the ridges and everything is heightened, so I could so that all day long and not get bored.
At the end of playtime, cleaning this toy up is a breeze. It’s all waterproof, provided the cap is secure and the rubber washer present, so washing in soapy water or spraying liberally with toy cleaner won’t kill it. Or you can take the two pieces apart and boil the silicone sleeve (peace of mind for anal players) while washing the vibe however you see fit.
Though I really do like it, there are a few issues with this toy that need to be addressed. One is the battery cap, which I mentioned earlier. That could well be an issue for folks who struggle with grip or coordination, or who can’t see very well. The other is separating the bullet from the sleeve. Obviously, being an anal toy, the fit is tight. Excellent for safety, not so great for parting the two pieces. I find that nipping the tip while wiggling the battery cap works them loose, but it does take some effort. If you struggle with grip, or if your wrists are weak or sore, you might find them hard to part.
Other than that, I think it’s a fab thing. Rocks Off isn’t my favourite but I thoroughly enjoy using this toy. I’d recommend it to all but those very new to anal play or who only enjoy really big insertables.
If you’d like to give it a shot, you can pick one up from Bondara at the super reasonable price of £23.99.
