When it comes to solo masturbation I have a new favourite thing. It’s a simple thing, really. Something I’ve done a handful of times in the past but for some reason, it’s recently become one of the most satisfying ways I play. Long story short, I’ve had some punch-packing orgasms from getting a vibrating love egg wedged all up in me and then inserting a dildo. It probably goes without saying that the success of this set-up is entirely dependent on the quality of the love egg. Some are fab, some not so much. One of the products I’ve tried this with recently is the Rocks Off Lust Linx Ball & Chain. Did it triumph or did it tank? Read on to find out.
When MEO said they were sending me the Ball & Chain for review I was kinda ridiculously happy. I’ve made no secret about the fact that, in general, Rocks Off vibes don’t do much for me these days (with exception of the Unihorn) so the fact that I couldn’t wait to give this offering a try was peculiar.
The moment I peeked through the window in the box I understood why it gave me the thrills. It looks bad. Not bad as in not good, but bad as in holy fuck, the very look of this thing has me all juicy and it’s still in its box. Every time I look at it I get the same feels as I get from bondage stuff. Whether it’s a restraint or an impact toy, bondage gear gives me a funny feeling (nervousness, anticipation, dread) right in the pit of my stomach and this thing does me the same way.
That’s because, design-wise, it ain’t no ordinary love egg. No sir, as its name states it’s an actual ball and chain. Instead of a Kinder egg shape or a butt plug-esque shape, the egg itself is a silky-smooth silicone ball with a 5.5” girth. The bulbous little thing is attached to a 5.5” long silicone chain via a silver ABS plastic connector.
I love the way the silicone feels in my hand. Fun fact: I love ears. Random, I know, but I really do. I drive the Fella nuts cos I can’t keep my fingers off his earlobes. I love how they feel, how soft they are, how easily my fingers glide over them, and that’s exactly what some silicones feel like to me. That’s what this silicone feels like to me and even though it’s completely rigid I find myself sat fondling it as though it’s a stress ball. Is that an example of sex blogger lyfe?
To get the Ball & Chain switched on you need to find the Rocks Off heart that’s embossed on the silicone somewhere near the middle of the ball. Being the same colour as the rest of the thing it’s not easy to spot with your peepers but running a thumb over the surface gives away its location as soon as you touch it. On the opposite side of that is the self-healing hole for the pin charger. That’s hard to see, too so I find the heart then follow it around until I feel the little indent.
Anyhoo, pressing the heart for 3 or 4 seconds sets a little red light to flashing just beneath it. That means it’s in standby mode. Pressing again switches it on and you’re ready to go. This would be a bit of a ballache if the only means of control you had was the ON button. I mean, you’d have to select your pattern and get it in you while it buzzes merrily away, and then to change it you’d have to remove it…messy business that.
But, happily, that isn’t the case. The Rocks Off Lust Linx Ball & Chain comes with its very own USB rechargeable remote! With its black silicone body (decorated with chains) and a silver accent around the top that houses the button, it looks like a mini bottle of Boss Nuit. That happens to be one of my fave perfumes, so I totally approve.
As much as I love the design, I couldn’t get too excited about it until I tried it out. I wanted to know what the vibes were like, what the range of the remote was, and if it would still work when the egg was buried six inches in me and sandbagged by my big ole belly.
Well, the vibes are pretty much what I expected. Three constant speeds and seven patterns, all of which deliver mild, high pitched vibrations. You can hear it when you turn it on. Straight away you hear the pissed off bee sound that’s synonymous with buzzy vibrators. I discovered quickly that, while he does like the vibes, I can’t really use the Ball & Chain on the Fella to great effect. The shape is all wrong for the things he likes.
After aborting that I inserted it as deep into my vagina as I could and handed him the remote. The box says there’s a 10-metre remote radius, and while the ball is in my hands that’s a fact. I didn’t expect even half of that once it was in me, but we got just over eight metres apart before we lost connection.
I wish I could say I loved how it felt inside me, but I didn’t. When it was deep all I felt was a suggestion of vibration right around my cervix. With a little squeeze of my muscles, I pushed it down a tad until it was touching my g-spot. For someone whose vaginal walls can be literally dead to sensation, my g-spot is rather picky. It doesn’t like buzzy or weak, it likes rumbly and aggressive. And having this thing touching it with no pressure behind it to force the vibes a bit deeper into my wall just made it shrivel up. It was so not interested. Adding the Fella’s cock didn’t improve things much, and neither did switching to a chunky dildo. I did come but it was more the grinding motion than anything the vibe did.
Basically, I love it in theory and appearance, but I don’t care much for it in use.
If I was gonna recommend it to anyone, first and foremost, it would be folks who enjoy (or at least don’t mind) tinny internal vibes. If you need strong, or powerful, or deep then I’m afraid you’ll end up disappointed.
I’m no stranger to the thrill factor of wandering around town wearing remote control insertables, and the range of the remote – not to mention how innocuous it looks – makes this a good option for that.
It surprised me to see this described as a kegel ball on the packaging, as using it for that never once crossed my mind. But I suppose all insertables can be kegelled upon to some extent and the hard roundness of the ball gives you something to work against. The vibes, if you like em, keep it from being a boring old kegelling session and as their frequency alters slightly with each squeeze you get a wee bit of feedback.
Cleaning is as simple as a wash in warm, soapy water, being sure you pay attention to the gunk monster that is the silver connector. The packaging urges owners of this toy to store it separately from other toys, but there isn’t a bag supplied for that. If your collection is all silicone you can chuck everything in one box and it’ll be fine. It’s dodgy stuff like TPE, rubber and jelly you gotta worry about.
If the Ball & Chain sounds like something you’d like to try, click the banner below and head on over to MEO!
