Every now and again, a sex toy will catch my eye and I’ll think, that looks awesome! Then I’ll have a read up on what it’s all about and I’ll think, yep, just as I thought; sounds awesome. So I’ll arrange to review it, get my paws on it, and probably eight times out of ten I’ll be like, I was right, this thing is awesome! But those other two times out of ten? Not so awesome. From the moment I opened the box for this Pipedream Extreme PDX Vibrating Roto-Sucker I was an unhappy Ella.
Okay, okay. I know there’ll be a few eyebrows raised as if to say, well what did you expect from Pipedream? I know they’re not the best, or even nearly the best company in the world, but I keep thinking, Icicles. Ceramix. Pure Aluminium. Those are all Pipedream brands and I love each and every one of them. I’d really hoped that I’d found another line of theirs that I, or rather that the Fella, could love.
The Vibrating Roto-Sucker is supposed to be a treat for the bepenised. An easy to hold contraption with a silicone sleeve that hugs the head of the penis and delivers not just vibration but also suction. Push the button, air is drawn from inside of the sleeve, creating a tight vacuum around the cock inside it, and the reverse button adjusts the intensity to mimic the sensation of active sucking. Simple, right? In theory, yes.
But the first thing to strike me about this toy was how poorly made it is. The first unit MEO sent me had to be replaced because there were copious amounts of glue (or some other tarry substance) seeping out from beneath the cock cradle and from the joins where the panels that make up the handle meet. The replacement unit they sent is the same, except on a smaller scale.
It’s the lightest thing, weighing practically nothing in the hand unless the batteries are inserted. The long (7”) handle is plastic with a battery cap at the very top and a ball joint at the bottom on which the 3.5” silicone sleeve swivels.
That battery cap pissed me off so much I can’t even. It comes off and goes back on easily enough, but for some reason, the toy won’t switch on if I tighten it all the way. I have to leave it slightly unscrewed to get the batteries to make a connection. It isn’t a waterproof toy so it’s not like it’s compromising anything but it’s still irritating. I shouldn’t have to fiddle with stuff to get it to work. And the packaging states that two AA batteries are required, but they toy actually takes two AAAs.
One thing it does have going for it is the silicone sleeve, purely because it’s silicone. It’s super soft to the touch with texturing inside. There are a host of vertical ribs in there, and one large horizontally ribbed bump which is actually the bullet vibrator.
So, in use. With a 1.5” wide opening and a depth of around 2.5”, most cock heads are fitting inside of the sleeve with no issues. Lube is necessary to help form a seal once the air is siphoned out of the channel. A quick press of the S button (which is easy to access at the top of the handle) brings the toy to life. Air quickly leaves the sleeve and it becomes moulded to whatever is inside it.
Again, in theory.
The Fella doesn’t have a super slim dick, but he found that the thing didn’t want to cocoon his cock. It took a bit of jiggling and fiddling to get it right, but once he figured it out and he was fully encased in silicone that was where things went a bit flat. Pressing the reverse button on and off to mimic sucking didn’t do anything for him. Jerking the handle around, swivelling the head, didn’t offer any stimulation. Neither did switching on the vibes. The seven modes are all weak and don’t travel very well (read at all) through the silicone. They can only be felt right up against the bullet.
We’ve had this thing sat here for ages and we’ve barely touched it. The Fella says that he’s had disappointing stuff before, but this didn’t even make enough of an impression to be called anything other than useless. He’s never been actively turned off by a toy until this one. Even after I offered to finish things (or rather start them) by hand he just said, nah, the mood is gone.
Oh, I should mention that, in the box, there are a few additional extras in the form of a ‘prep kit’. A set of three silicone cock rings, a mini bottle of Moist lube and one of Refresh toy cleaner. The rings are actually quite decent so they’re a welcome addition to our toy box, and cleaner is always welcome, too. The lube is okay for the Fella, but some of the ingredients are no good for me.
So, that’s that. I’ve put this review off so many times cos I’m just gobsmacked that a toy could be so utterly different to what I expected. There’s bad and then there’s this. There will be folks out there who think it’s great, though. There will be folks that it works perfectly for. I’m a bit sad that we’re not those folks, cos I really wanted to like this one.
If you’d like to give it a shot click the banner below and go check it out at MEO.
