As a rule, I try to avoid vibrators that I know are gonna be buzzy. They aggravate me. I get itchy, or desensitised, or just plain irritated by the way they don’t work for me. But sometimes, even though I can feel in my bones that I’ll have no love for the vibes, a shape or texture will catch my eye and I’ll feel compelled to give whatever toy it is a shot. That’s how I got my paws on the Pink BOB Bumpy Betty Tongue Vibrator.
Firstly, I’m gonna have a whine about the brand name, cos the gendering is strong with this one. As y’all probably know, B.O.B stands for battery operated boyfriend, so this brand – and its website – is called Pink Battery-Operated Boyfriend. To me, it gives the impression that all women love pink, and ‘boyfriend’ suggests that they get attached to their vibrators in some kind of emotional/romantic capacity. Cheesy and patronising with a side of insulting, no? Okay, okay, I know that some folks will love the fuck right out of it, but it makes me want to hurl.
Anyway, moving on. The Pink BOB Bumpy Betty is a battery operated (no shit, Sherlock) vibrator that requires 2 AAAs to get going. The battery housing is squirrelled away beneath a cap in the plastic base of the toy. It’s easy enough to get on and off but because it’s a clip cap and not a screw on one the toy isn’t waterproof.
What made me choose this one when given my pick from Pink BOB’s website was the shaft. Four-ish inches of intensely textured silicone with a girth of 4.75” at its widest point. It’s tongue-shaped (or clog shaped, if you see things the way the Fella does) with a pointed tip and a bit of a curve.
Covering that tongue are dozens upon dozens of small but bold bumps (or taste buds, according to Himself). If the silicone covering this toy was soft they wouldn’t be as stimulating, but it’s not even nearly soft. It’s quite hard, though there is a little bit of bend and flex to the upper half of the shaft.
It’s so firm, in fact, I worried that using it internally would feel like fucking myself with a cheese grater. When I run my fingers up and down the length I feel every single dot, even after I coat the thing with thick silicone.
Before I get into how it is in use I should tell you about the controls. Two buttons, one ON/OFF and the other to change the modes. They can be a bit fucky to operate once the toy is in my crotch and my fingers are wet. I keep pressing at the sides of the lozenge they’re inside of, or I hit the off button instead of mode and vice versa.
Like most vibes (battery operated or not) you get three speeds of constant vibration. But unlike those other toys which often have upward of seven patterns, the Pink BOB Nubby Tongue only offers three.
As predicted, I don’t care much for these vibes. They’re relatively quiet for a battery toy, which is good, but they’re as buzzy as I expected. I’ve tried holding the tip against my clit while I use a dildo internally cos this is usually a good indicator of whether my opinion of a buzzy toy is gonna be ‘meh’ or ‘ugh, get it away from me’. All but the weakest of vibes can help me get off my inner buttons are being pushed well enough but, in this case, it didn’t work.
As a vibrator, the Pink BOB Bumpy Betty is a bust. As a dildo, though… now that’s a different story altogether. Those little beads that cover the shaft are magical wee things. I absolutely love how distinct they feel around my vaginal opening. They do feel a bit scratchy if I’m not wet enough so I use just a little bit more lube than I think is necessary. It offers a bit of cushioning, protection against the potential chaffing of something so rough being rubbed over and over something delicate.
And I am rough with it. So, so very rough. It’s kinda hard going cos the toy is quite short (6” all in). But I ram the thing home as vigorously as I can manage and still keep hold of it. It’s also good as a g-spotting dildo. The curve works, the hard silicone and pointed tip works. Oddly, adding the vibes actually detracts from what I get from this toy. They buzz away, making my walls itch and spoiling the sensations I get around my vaginal opening.
If this was a pricier toy I’d be telling anyone who dislikes high-frequency, weak vibes to steer clear. But it isn’t. I’d happily pay $25 (£18-ish) for a silicone dildo that I don’t love, so that price tag for one I like is a steal. I know it isn’t a dildo per se, but the beauty of it is, you don’t have to even put batteries in it if you don’t wanna. In my opinion, it’s better without them. But, if you are partial to a bit of surface-level vibration, or if you can get a sensation boost from adding the vibes, they’re there if you want them. Better to have them and not need them than need them and not have them, right?
One other thing that isn’t great about this toy is cleaning it. As I said earlier it isn’t waterproof, so you have to take care not to keep the battery casing dry. When washing gunk from between those bumps (especially if it’s dried on) is a pain in the arse. I tried wipes, but they just got shredded so now I use toy cleaning spray and a toothbrush.
If the Bumpy Betty sounds like your kinda thing, click the banner below and go check out Pink BOB.
