Sex toys. They’re a simple thing really, but what a minefield of a subject they can be!
The Fella and I incorporated sex toys into our sex lives a long time ago. In fact, one of the first things we bought after moving in together back in 1999 was a big ugly vibrator that seemed to be SPRAY PAINTED purple. Yes, I said spray painted, and yes, that paint did wear off in places, leaving flesh toned blotches all over the plasticy, rubbery, god only knows what the hell material it was.
But as simple as it was for us to click away on the internet, we totally get that, for some people, it’s just not that easy. Some couples are afraid to open up about their desires to try new things, and their reasons range from being unsure about their partner’s reactions, all the way up to the biggie: the worry that they’re gonna book themselves a seat on the Satan Express as soon as they utter the words, I wanna buy a dildo.
And then there’s the middle ground. Those who have decided that they’re doing it, they’re definitely getting a sex toy, but because of the enormous amount of choice available online, they can’t quite agree on exactly where to start.
Well the answer for those indecisive couples (or indeed, curious singletons) could lie with a subscription box. They seem to be popping up like mushrooms after a rainstorm at the moment, and I’ve seen them available in monthly, quarterly, and yearly instalments.
While their contents are left as a surprise, you can tailor them to meet your needs, so you can pick the box that caters for your sexual preference, your love of anal sex, or you can even pick one that does nothing more exciting than keep your lube drawer fully stocked.
Our very first subscription box was provided by a relatively new company called The Nooky Box. Their mission statement is “Changing the Conversation about Sex”, and their aim is to make body safe sex toys more accessible to everybody, no matter what their sex, gender, shape, size, ethnicity… I could go on, but you’d probably be better off reading their philosophy here.
As the Fella and I are a heterosexual pair of middle-aged marrieds, we received a Sex is Fun themed ‘testing the waters‘ box that was designed to give us both a little something-something to play with.
Inside of a plain white box, we found:
- Picobong Moka Vibrator
- Bijoux Indiscrets Mini Feather Tickler
- Sliquid Sassy Lubricant
- Poprocks x3
- A single Luz de la Riva condom
- Nooky Box Magnet & Sticker
- Envelope containing a Spotify Playlist and a short erotic box-based story.
Despite the lengthy looking list, the first thing I noted was, there was nothing in the box specifically for pleasuring a man, and that was kinda disappointing given that this is a heterosexual couples box. A vibrating cock ring, a static silicone prostate massager, or even a masturbation sleeve of some sort would have been a great, inclusive addition that would have rounded the box off nicely. But anyway, less about what wasn’t in the box, and more about what was.
I’ll get the disappointing bit out of the way, so that it’s done.
Luz de la Riva Condom
While I understand that many couples use condoms for whatever reasons they have (we often use them for anal sex), I personally think it was an unnecessary addition to a subscription box. Aside from latex allergies being a thing, most couples will have a supply of their own specific brand of condoms if they use them, and I don’t know about you, but I hate throwing things away just because they’re not ‘our thing’.
But that wasn’t what disappointed me. You may or may not have noticed that there’s an expiry date on the condom in one of the pictures above. It says 06-2014. That condom was past its best a looong time ago, people. I’ve spoken to the lovely Meg at Nooky Box, and she’s assured me that only two condoms from the hinky batch were sent out, and that their stocks were being checked and their suppliers duly notified.
I’ll be honest, the poor woman was suitably mortified, and more than understanding when I told her I’d be mentioning the cock up in this very review. It does worry me that a company has put an out of date product in a box that was destined to be scrutinised and judged by a sex blogger, as this does call into question quality control, the age of their stock, and the reliability of their supplier. Why would a supplier even have boxes of such old and done condoms on their shelves? It makes no sense to me.
Sliquid Sassy Lubricant
Lube is to good sex what water is to fish – fucking essential! I knew there was bound to be lube in the Nooky Box, and I was concerned about what type of lube it would be. At the risk of being hunted down and silenced by bloggers the world over, I’ll hold my hands up and say, I’m not all that fussy about what lubes I use. But my body is my own, and that’s my personal choice.
When it comes to recommending lube to friends and readers, however, I’m much more conscious of what I’m suggesting they put on and in their bodies. Nine times out of ten, I point them in the direction of Sliquid, because of the absence of parabens, glycerine, and other undesirables on the ingredients list, so I was happy to see such a good lube included in the box.
Sassy is pretty thick, so is perfect for anal use, and it’s completely scentless and flavourless, making it a great lube to use during oral sex for those who prefer the natural taste of their partner. It’s a long lasting, non-sticky, all-rounder, and I’m pleased to have another bottle in my essentials drawer.
No, I’m not gonna review popping candy. What I will do though, is tell you that it’s more than just a sweet treat. Meg from Nooky Box says that the Poprocks were added to the box to tie in with the ‘Sex is Fun’ theme, and they only recommend using them for kissing. I’ll grant you, fizzy popping kisses are cutesy fun, but a bit of snap, crackle, and cock is dirty fun!
We’ve come across popping candy that’s actually sold as blow job candy, and it was something like, £4.99 a box. Filling your mouth with Poprocks before you go down on your partner does the same job, and the roughness of the candy pieces works together with the light popping sensation, to give a whole new angle to oral sex.
I wouldn’t recommend putting this stuff in or around the vagina, cos sugar equals yeast infection, and ain’t nobody got time for that! I would, however, recommend having your partner fill his mouth with the Poprocks before sucking your nipples. That feels amazing, and the kisses that follow are extra delicious.
Bijoux Indiscrets Mini Feather Tickler
This is a cute, basic little thing that we actually have one of already. It’s well made and feels lovely in use, but is an odd addition to a couple’s box that’s based on fun. Not that there isn’t fun to be had with a tickler of course, it’s just that I’d have thought it would be more suited to a sensory play box, along with a blindfold, some oils, and maybe a massage candle, or even beginner’s bondage box with satin restraints and the likes.
Even the inky blackness of the feathers didn’t really seem to fit in with the bright oranges, pinks and purples of the packaging and other products. That could just be me, but like I said earlier, a vibrating cock ring or a masturbation sleeve would have fitted in much better.
I’ll admit, I was pretty stoked to unwrap the orange tissue paper and find this thing staring back at me. The economy branch of luxury company Lelo, Picobong is a brand I’ve heard good and bad things about, and I’ve wanted the Moka for ages, for two reasons: it’s the same shape as my beloved Lelo Ella, and it’s a cheaper, battery powered version of Lelo’s priddy pricey GiGi 2 G-Spot vibe.
Made from purple silicone and body safe plastic, the Moka is a lovely piece of kit. It only runs on two AAA batteries, so don’t expect the earth when it comes to power, but I think you might be surprised by the depth of the vibrations on offer. I know I was! I was expecting a surface level, high pitched buzz, but what I got was mildly rumbly chug that my clit absolutely loves.
The vibes are horrible on my G-Spot though. They make it itchy, and I don’t like that. Used as a G-Spot dildo, however… WOW! The Moka is about an inch longer than the Lelo Ella, and the battery end is chunkier and ribbed, so I’ve been able to keep a much better grip on it than I can with the Ella. This is a godsend when it comes to that last few frenzied minutes when orgasm is so close! Yep, big love for the Moka!
So, after all that, the big question is, is the Nooky Box testing-the-waters subscription box really worth it?
In my opinion, yes and no. I know, that’s an absolute cop out, but let me explain, starting with the no.
The price advertised on Nooky Box’ website is $80, and postage to the UK was $35. All-in, that works out at around £73, give or take. To buy the contents of the box in the UK (less the fridge magnet & little erotica booklet, etc) it would work out at approximately £72, and that’s without shopping around for better deals. So because of the postage costs, it’s not worth buying the Nooky Box if you live in the UK.
But what about those who live in the US? Is it a good deal for them? I’m sorry to say, no it isn’t. A friend of mine, who is a super savvy shopper, worked out how much would be paid in the US for the contents of this particular box on Amazon, and the final cost was around $40. The products included have been on the market for quite some time, so finding them for sale at bargain prices is pretty easy.
For more experienced players, these types of boxes are never gonna be a good thing, because not only is the chance of doubling up on something you already have too high, but you probably have an idea of where to source all the best prices too. We already have the Sassy lube, and the feather tickler, and even though I’m elated that we got the Picobong Moka in our box, it’s was literally a stroke of luck that I didn’t already have it, and I have the Lelo Ella to thank for that.
As for the yes part of my yes and no answer, I do believe that subscription boxes have the potential to be fab for beginners. It takes away the struggle of choosing a product, and keeps coming at you with something new every few months, keeping your bedroom play fresh and exciting. There’s something supremely fun about getting a box delivered and opening it together, especially when neither of you know what you’re going to find inside.
The catch is, to make it worth while, you need to find one with quality products at economy prices, and sadly, the Nooky Box doesn’t quite fit the bill.
The Sex is Fun Subscription Box was sent to me by The Nooky Box in exchange for an honest review. This in no way influences my opinions, which are now, and will forever be, my own. No affiliate links were used in this post.