Don’t even ask me to tell you just how excited I was when I got a surprise email from the lovely Leanne at Lovehoney, asking if I would be interested in road testing a couple of products from their exciting new band merch range.
Mötley Crüe have joined Motörhead in what I hope will be a growing trend of rock bands putting their stamp on a collection of vibes for Lovehoney, and I feel totally vindicated that this particular band came next.
The Fella and I had a long debate about whether or not a trend for sexy band merch would take hold, and we batted ‘most likely’ band names around for hours. I’m not gonna claim that either of us said Mötley Crüe would be next, but they were on our list of likely bands, and given the colourful reputations of the band members, it makes perfect sense that it was them.
So, on to the bullet itself. Gone is the evil packaging of the ripped fingers, and in its place is a neat, fold out little cardboard wallet, not unlike those you’d get 99p single CD’s in back in the 90’s. I thanked all the gods for this, cos that horrible packaging that makes scissors cry was one of the worst things EVER. I won’t go too much more into the wallet, other than to say it folds out into a larger version of the very sexy band pic you can see on the front.
After popping the bullet from its little plastic bubble, I had a fit of déjà vu. The Mötley Crüe 10 Function Bullet Vibrator is basically the Lovehoney Magic Bullet wearing a band t-shirt. It’s a cool t-shirt of sleek chrome, with the band name printed in red on the front, and Too Fast for Love (which was the title of the band’s debut studio album) printed on the back. It’s likely to be around £5 more than the Lovehoney bullet, but that’s to be expected with the fancy packaging and the brand name.
The Too Fast for Love bullet is powered by one AAA battery, and as the product name tells you, there are 10 functions to be had here: three intensities, and seven patterns. I’m not a lover of patterns but, in the spirit of the music theme, I’ve tried to match each of the patterns to a song. I’ve managed a couple, but they were Metallica songs and not Mötley Crüe ones, so never mind.
The Fella absolutely loves this bullet. He’s a fan of the Motörhead one, and also the Lal Hardy Rocks Off bullets too, because the music and tattoo themes appeal to the mosher in him. His favourite use for them is during oral sex: I’ll either tickle his sensitive bits while I go down on him, or I hold the bullet against my cheek so that my whole mouth buzzes around his cock. I do actually prefer weaker vibes like the Mötley Crüe bullet for this, as stronger vibes make my teeth hurt. I don’t mind a bit of buzz-numbed cheek though.
For myself, I have to be really in the mood to reach orgasm with anything that vibrates on the same buzzy level as the Mötley Crüe bullet, but surprisingly, I did manage to orgasm using it in its own on its second outing. I just kept it on the second constant speed and, pointing the tip down, I stroked the first inch of the 3.5 length back and forth over my clit. I lay there for ages, but I did come, so that’s a good thing, though I haven’t managed it since.
The Too Fast for Love bullet is made from ABS plastic and is 100% waterproof, so it can be taken in the bath or shower if you wish. I’m not really a water baby, so I’m just pleased that I can dunk mine in a sink or soapy water after use. There isn’t any kind of storage bag included, which is kinda obvious given the minimal packaging, so you’ll need to buy one separately. I keep mine in its wallet though, cos it’s excellent!
Those who don’t need very powerful, or rumbly vibrations will likely get on with this toy. It’s petite, discreet, and simple to use. The bullet feels slightly chunkier to me than most, but I don’t know if that’s because of the flattened end where the single push button control is. Many bullets are rounded there, so that could be it.
Bottom line is, even though I’m not a lover of the vibes they put out, I’ve fallen in love with these bullets and vibes purely for their novelty value, even the Motörhead one that I didn’t really get on with at first. I’d love to see Lovehoney release a new band range every year from now until I die, because I’ll definitely but my fave pair from each set.
The Mötley Crüe 10 Function Bullet Vibrator was sent to me by Lovehoney in exchange for an honest review. This in no way influences my opinions, which are now, and will forever be, my own. Affiliate links have been used in this post.
