Welcome to Scandarella’s first guest review! As I’ve reviewed a few flavours for another site, the lovely Tina ‘n’ Keith (there are no links back to them cos they wanted to remain anon) agreed to put these MEO Cock Candy Oral Sex Gels through their paces for me. They were a hit with me and my Fella, but did they tickle the fancy of the discerning Tina and hers? Read on to find out…
I have never really thought about whether I enjoy the taste of my boyfriend. The feel (heaviness on my tongue) and smell (washing powder) were my primary concerns, taste was irrelevant as the first two were so perfect. Similarly, my partner has never had anything but positive things to say about my pussy (I mean, I don’t want to brag but he’s said it’s the best he’s ever tasted more than once… Anyway, I digress.)
Still, I was intrigued by the vast array of ways people have marketed the concept of ‘make your sex partner’s genitals taste like things other than genitals’. And Scandarella has kindly gifted me the opportunity to try one out for myself.
The Meo Cock Candy Oral sex gels come in handy travel sizes and you have to get quite close to them to actually identify them as something a bit naughty (handy if like me you are fond of hiding your sex paraphernalia in plain sight *fondles length of kinbaku rope tied to bedframe, or would do if she hadn’t recently moved house*).
They retail at 49.50 euros on the Meo website, though as I write this, they are 30% off making them around the 35 euro mark, for five 30ml bottles and a travel toiletry bag. Personally, we did not find this a particularly good value item, but YMMV.
This review is one of two parts – insomuch as, we taste and texture-tested the individual gels about a fortnight before we actually tested them out during sex. This was not our intention, but logistics got in our way a little.
Smell, Taste and Texture
Lying naked in bed, we decided licking each flavour off a lesser erogenous zone would be a good place to start – see how they taste on skin without the added distraction of bodily fluids. We started with strawberry, splodged artfully on my stomach.
First we tested the feel between our fingers, finding it nice and slippery but not sticky. The smell we found uniformly artificial (but of course, these are ‘candy’ flavours and not ‘natural fruits’ so this is to be expected.)
Then came the taste test. Artificial strawberry flavour – like a strawberry bootlace – and then bitterness swept over my tongue.
“Definitely not an improvement on the taste of my beloved’s penis.” I thought.
Strawberry kiwi we found to be a more pleasant taste, though still with the same bitter aftertaste, and my partner’s thought was that it tasted like sherbet straws. I couldn’t imagine slathering this green-coloured gel over anything without immediately associating it with mould.
The cherry flavour was reminiscent of cherry drops and didn’t elicit anything else in terms of positive or negative comment (Himself doesn’t like cherries and abstained from seeing if he liked them any more in lubricant form.)
Pina Colada was my stand out favourite (and the one we would use in part 2 of our review), a glorious creamy coconut taste in a natural colour (I have “looks like jizz” in my notes). The bitterness was far less noticeable with this flavour. Similarly we found the vanilla gel to taste like a good quality vanilla ice cream, with a far less synthetic taste than the other gels.
Usability
So we’d done the theory, we were finally ready for the practical. I had already grabbed the pina colada flavour, having been on coconut-rum based cocktails the night before I thought I might as well start as I meant to go on.
I squeezed a couple of drops over my partner’s erection and set to in my usual fashion.
As soon as I began to slide my palm up and down his shaft, we had a problem. Well, I had a problem, he was making the usual positive noises and commenting on the staying power of the lube (we are big fans of messy, spit-sodden blowjobs but spit does tend to dry quite quickly and a girl can’t produce this indefinitely in a short space of time without bringing up stomach acid.) All I felt was sticky, though. All over my palm, which was odd when we’d both found the texture silky and smooth on the previous test.
The taste was lovely – I’m loath to say an improvement, although I do love coconut in all of its many forms, but when spit dries, it just dries. The drying veneer of cock candy felt like my hand was covered with offbrand prittstick; not sticky enough to glue my fingers together, but enough to make me feel more discomfort than I usually get from a handjob. I had to wash my hands soon after because the sensation was pretty unpleasant.
In the interests of a fair test, he squirted a little on me and set to work (my only skill is never really having to worry about my internal lubrication. Only skill.) He said he liked how wet it was, but he always says that.
Final thoughts
So, our overall impression was on the indifferent to negative side. We found these gels to be very overpriced for what they are, and would hope something so expensive would taste nicer! However, if you’re a little squeamish about performing oral sex, I can certainly see how these might help you out.
All in all, I am happy with the way my boyfriend’s bits taste, but I might squidge a bit of pina colada on him every now and again if I fancy a change.
When asked if he had anything else to add, my fella’s input was, other than how he likes me au naturel but the hint of coconut was a nice change, was: “If you ever wanted to condition a chap to eating creampies, the pina colada one is a visual treat as you massage it in before tucking in.”
Wise words.
We were sent this item free of charge in exchange for a fair and honest review.
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So, there you have it. Although the Pina Colada flavour might get a revisit in the future, Tina ‘n’ Keith were less than impressed by MEO’s Cock Candy. If you’d like to find out if these slick gels could add a new dimension to your oral adventures or if they’ll just leave you feeling indifferent, click the button below and buy yours today.
