As regular Scandarella readers will probably know, I love big ol’ dildos. I love to have ‘em big in every direction and I absolutely adore enormous fantasy stuff. But sometimes, when lying in bed alone in the middle of the night, I don’t want to be hefting pounds of silicone around and giving my arms a wanky workout. I want simple, light, realistic, and hard. The toy that’s been satisfying those needs for me in recent weeks is the Lovehoney Lifelike Lover 8” Silicone Dildo.
By fuck, is this thing pink. It’s so bright it has a frigging aura. I’ve said many times that pink is a boring colour for sex toys, but these days I think that this 80s-esque neon is actually kinda cool. I’ve got some bold colours on my dildo shelves but this one has to be the most eye-catching.
When I first spotted this toy, my eye was drawn to its size. After the colour, of course. It said 8” and I was sold. I will admit to pouting a bit when I saw that 8” was the overall length and not the insertable. I get up to 7” of insertable length, and 5” of girth. Those measurements are the high end of average penis size so it’s not like this is a small toy. How greedy must I be to have been moody over one less inch?
Aside from the colour, the Lovehoney Lifelike Lover is a realistic dildo. It’s got all the fine features of an actual cock. A nicely shaped head with a well-defined ridge. A frenulum that curves into skin folds, and a thick ridge that runs right down the shaft. And what a shaft! It’s so heavily veined, from top to bottom and all the way around, I drool when I look at it.
At the base sits a tight pair of lightly textured balls and a pretty decent suction cup. One of the things I need a suction cup to do is stick to my wooden headboard for the duration of my play. It’s a polished wood but not glossy, so if a cup holds I consider it strong. This one does. It also fits nicely into a harness, too.
As it says in its name, the Lovehoney Lifelike Lover 8” Silicone Dildo is, well, silicone. Many dongs under the Lifelike Lover banner are PVC and such, but this one is silicone all the way. And it’s super firm silicone. The type that offers no squish or cushioning whatsoever, even though it does have a flexible shaft. It makes for a seriously hard fuck, so anyone who doesn’t like rigid might prefer NS Novelties ColourSoft dildos. They’re basically the same as this one except they have more give.
This Lifelike Lover is pretty much my bedtime buddy at the minute. Even though I spend a lot of my waking hours testing toys and having orgasms, I still get incredibly horny when the lights go out. I swear to God, it can be incessant sometimes. It’s not too bad when the Fella is at home cos it’s relieved by sex, but unfortunately, he isn’t always here. He works a lot of nightshifts, some of them to get a break from all me and all my bloggery fuckery, apparently, lol. It’s when he isn’t home that I reach for this toy.
Quite simply, I love it. It feels so good in use. The shape of the head never fails to make me gasp at the point of insertion. Staying shallow and enjoying the defined coronal ridge is so stimulating my toes end up gripping the bed sheet before I even find my rhythm.
I take my time inserting the shaft, partly cos I’m in bed and knackered, partly because if I go slowly and twist my wrist a little I feel every single one of the lovely bold veins. The combination of a firm, textured shaft and my wetness makes for some hot noises and I totally get off on hearing that when it’s late and quiet. Once it’s all in me I get the balls pressing up against my vulva, or perineum, depending on the angle, so I get extra stim there.
I try to make myself play slowly until I come but it never happens. As soon as I reach a certain point I need to go for it, and the hard silicone pounding away inside me (combined with clit stim) hurtles me into an orgasm so deep it puts me to sleep.
But I don’t just use the Lovehoney Lifelike Lover 8” Silicone Dildo when I feel in need and have no Fella. He gets in on the action too, especially when I want double penetration. While we have used the harness for this, we both find it quicker and easier for one of us to hold the dildo. It’s usually him. He takes my butt and the pink peril goes vaginal.
It’s super sexy to have both holes penetrated at once, but even more so when a solid dildo is involved. It doesn’t give, so not only does my body have to conform to its shape, but the Fella’s cock is governed by it, too. Everything gets tight, my g-spot gets stimulated because I’m so crammed full. I still feel the ridges and veins, and the Fella feels completely sheathed. He also feels the hard silicone moving against his cock inside me. I love it when he holds still and moves just the dildo, cos I know he’s not just doing it for me. He’s doing it cos he can feel it and…ugh. This is getting porny. I think I’ll finish this bit by saying that the Lifelike Lover is great to use with a partner.
So yeah, we both really enjoy this one. As it’s silicone, it’s easily cleaned. Boiling, bleaching, soap and water, toy sprays…whatever your preferred method is will work. Once clean, I keep mine in my Joyboxx right by the bed so it’s always at hand.
If anyone comes to me looking for inexpensive silicone dildos (it’s only a shade over £30) I’d recommend this one in a heartbeat. There’s nothing not to love about it. What’s more, if pink isn’t your colour, you can opt for purple, black, or one flesh tone. If 8” is too big you can bag the 5.5”, and if you don’t want balls you can get one without. Whichever Lifelike Lover tickles your fancy, click the banner to head over to Lovehoney.
