As I’ve probably said in the past, Desire is Lovehoney’s luxury brand. It’s very LELO-esque, which stands to reason given that someone from LELO had a hand in their design. There’s a bit of everything available, from clit vibes to cock rings to wands, all of them rechargeable. The most recent piece I got my paws on is the Lovehoney Desire Love Egg with Remote Control.
I will admit that in picking this piece for review, I was taking an intentional gamble. See, if there’s one other type of sex toy that I sometimes struggle to enjoy it’s the love egg. I’ve had successes, sure, but the majority I’ve tried have been rubbish. Reason being, I just can’t feel them inside of me, and if I can the sensation is so weak as to be pointless. I had high hopes for the Lovehoney Desire Love Egg, though. But was I just letting myself be blinded because it’s from a brand I like?
As with all of this brand, the Desire Love Egg comes nestled inside of its own personal storage solution. In the case of a clit vibe I reviewed recently it was a bag, but the love egg comes in a lockable case. It’s a miniature version of Lovehoney’s larger lockable toy cases; black soft-touch plastic shell with an antibacterial inner lining and a couple of mesh pouches. It’s great for travellers and folks who stash toys in their knicker drawers, cos who wants lint stuck to their stuff?
Both the Lovehoney Desire Love Egg and its remote control are coated in gorgeously silky-smooth silicone. Soft to the touch and almost plush feeling, it’s a treat for the skin. I love that it lends itself to gliding with just a minimal amount of lube. I mean, I love lube, the future of my sex life probably depends on it, but I don’t love having small insertables saturated with the stuff. They’re a pain to insert if they’re too slippery, and they can be a pain to hold onto. I prefer going in when just slightly wet and letting the to itself create some lubrication.
The Remote Control
Unlike the love egg itself, the remote control isn’t rechargeable. It’s battery powered and requires one of those largeish 3V cell batteries, one of which comes already inserted. The cover on the back (smoky, shiny ABS plastic) comes off easily enough but the cover underneath? Stiff as fuck. I had to fight to get it uncovered the first few times, but after it’s been opened and closed it gets easier. Still a pain in the arse, though. And getting that inner cover back on? Equally dickish. Folks who struggle with grip are gonna have a right old faff with this.
Once the battery situation is sorted, though, it’s simple enough to use. A plus button to activate the egg and increase the vibes. An O button to switch modes and turn the toy off, and a minus button to decrease the vibes. They’re responsive enough but switching on and off takes a good five-second press. I don’t like that, it sucks. Give me a dedicated on/off button any day if you’re gonna make me wait an age before I can switch my toy off.
To get the remote connected the toy, you’ll need to have the Lovehoney Desire Love Egg on standby, which you do by pushing a button near its tail. That’s it. That’s all. As soon as you turn the egg on, you’re good to go.
As with most remote controls, line of sight is required to maintain a connection. Lovehoney says it has an 8m range, and I concur. I had to have my legs spread to 3 o’clock (well, it’s more like twenty to four. So I’m not flexible, call the cops.) to ensure we didn’t disconnect. For me, this cancels out the best thing about using love eggs; teasing stimulation in public. See, when I sit, if I don’t have my thighs spread obviously wide they push together. If I wanted to use the Desire Love Egg in say, a restaurant, I’d have to be sat at my table legs akimbo. Someone really would call the cops and I’d be arrested for putting people off their surf ‘n’ turf.
Slimmer thighed folks might get away with it, but big bodied ones will probably all smother the signal. No big shakes if you don’t ever plan to wear it to a disco, but sucky if you actually did fancy that.
The Desire Love Egg
Just like almost every rechargeable sex toy out there, the Lovehoney Desire Love Egg needs to be fully charged before first use. This helps protect the battery, increasing its longevity and making sure you get the most from it. It takes two hours to charge and the payoff is an hour of play before the next charge. The tail (which has the sensor for the remote in its tip) comes detached from the egg itself. In the top of the egg is a hole and that’s where the charging pin goes. Once it’s ready, screw on the tail and pop it in ya.
It’s a modest size, being 3” insertable with a maximum girth of 4.5”. The tapered tip aids with insertion and once it’s past the pubic bone the vagina kinda sucks it in. And it is a vaginal only toy. I’m tempted to write that in neon letters, cos I see so many camgirls and porn performers using love eggs anally, I get angry to the point of Hulking out.
It. Is. Not. Safe. To put a love egg up your arse and anyone connected to the sex industry should (and probably does) fucking know that.
Seriously, what is there to prevent it from getting sucked/pushed inside and whizzing off around their plumbing? It saddens me because they’re in a position of influence and are making folks think that it’s okay. It isn’t. All it’s gonna get you is invasive bowel surgery and a slot on one of those ‘you got what lodged in your colon’ x-ray articles on Buzzfeed. Not cool at all.
Rant over, back to the review.
As I said, it’s a small egg, and that can be an issue for me. Not because I’m looking for fullness, but because the stimulation I get from small buzzies doesn’t cover enough ground. I like my g-spot to be in on the action and I like to be able to feel the resistance of the toy when I squeeze my kegels.
Happily, I can feel the Lovehoney Desire Love Egg just fine. It sits comfortably inside, and I can feel it on my front wall. This means that the vibes have a chance of stimulating my hotspots. If they’re good. Some Desire pieces I’ve tried have been good and some have not.
The Desire Love Egg offers eight modes, one of which is constant vibration. To help meet your personal needs, they’re all adjustable to the tune of twelve intensities. When it’s first switched on you go straight to constant speed at the middle intensity. I get suckered by this every time. I expect the first setting to be the weakest and always get a surprise when we start relatively strong. Then I realise when clicking and wondering why I only have sex intensities instead of twelve that they’ve done it again. Stahp! It’s misleading. At least I think it is.
Anyway, to access the lower intensities you need to click the minus button right after the egg starts to buzz. And once it’s doing its thing it has to be on the highest three settings before my walls acknowledge its presence. It’s not that it’s a crap vibe cos it’s actually not half bad. I mean, I can give myself a clitoral orgasm with it no problem. It’s just that my vaginal walls are mostly dead. My vaginal opening and the first couple of inches are sensation city, but any deeper I start to need aggression. I like vibes that force deep rumbles into my walls rather than tickling their surface.
Not bad vibes
The Lovehoney Desire Love Egg does have respectable vibrations but they’re not strong enough for my iron vagina. They arouse, they get me wet, they make me want to fuck and come, but they can’t deliver the goods themselves. I can’t find a lot of pressure, I can’t find any friction. I come if I add clit stim, but it’s a clitoral orgasm with internal spasms that feel like an afterthought on behalf of my vag.
If my thunder thighs didn’t insulate the sensor this toy would be perfect for teasing while out and about. It gets me in the mood, makes my vag ready for play, and it’s pretty quiet, too. But that avenue is lost to me because I’m just too fat. It can be used in house for the same thing, but it isn’t the same. Wearing it on the couch doesn’t feel daring, it doesn’t feel naughty. And I’m not sure I would personally pay £69.99 for a toy whose potential is wasted on me.
Like I said earlier, folks with less thigh flab might get along fine using this in public. Folks who feel a lot of internal sensation might like it, as might those who just want an RC handsfree insertable that they can use during other kinds of play. It’s not for me, though, and that’s a shame.
If you’d like to try it to see if it’s for you, click the Lovehoney banner below. Bear in mind that Lovehoney’s sexual happiness policy offers a swap within 30 days if you try a thing but don’t like it. Tell them where it went wrong, and they’ll send something that has whatever your reject was lacking. In theory. I’ve not used this service, so I don’t know how well it works.