Have you ever had someone tell you that your eyes are bigger than your belly? Kinda makes you blush, right? Well, imagine how red my cheeks went when the Fella took one look at the Hankey’s Toys Seahorse Dildo and suggested that I had eyes bigger than my cunt.
Why’d I blush? Cos it was never my intention that such a massive toy would fit through my front door. I blushed when I had to explain that I was bringing it in through the back. I’ve had to take a few jokey comments about how big my arsehole must be after past reviews. I’ve been asked how I manage to hold my shit in (I mean, who the fuck asks a question like that, though?!). So, given all of that, I was momentarily sensitive about my penchant for big assed dildos.
But my embarrassment only lasted about three and a half minutes, cos who has time for that when they have such a glorious dong to play with? Just look at it, folks. Isn’t it priddy? Look at all of that texture roped around the shaft. Look at the huge balls and the darling pie tin flute around the head. Every inch of it is gorgeous, and inches are something it has plenty of!
The Hankey’s Toys Seahorse is made of silicone. When you order from Hankey’s, you get to choose not just your size and colour (currently from a selection) but also your silicone’s softness. I opted for medium-firm cos I knew it was going in my butt so didn’t want anything too hard or too soft. Hard would be too unforgiving in a toy this size, and soft would be too unwieldy. Yes, I am worse than Goldilocks and I ain’t even one bit sorry.
My Seahorse stands proud at 14” in total length. You can insert 12” of that before your buns bounce off the balls. To give you an idea of how this toy measures up against me, my arm is 15” from the crook of my elbow to the tip of my middle finger. If I hold the base against my pubic mound the tip touches my bra strap.
At its narrowest point near the head, the Seahorse has a girth of 7”. Around the midway point that grows to nearly 10”. And at the base, you’re looking at almost 12”. Big, innit! I mean, the surface area of the base is bigger than my entire hand.
Now, as a rule, whenever I’m offered a choice of sizes I plump for the biggest that’s available to me. But I don’t think I could manage any of Mr Hankey’s’ largest offerings. Yeah, this one is only the middle sized one. If you wanna go smaller you’re looking at a length of 8.75” and a maximum circumference of 8”. And if you want to go bigger, I will be so impressed cos that will land you over 15” of insertable length and 15” of girth. You fucking superstar, you!
I love how squishy my Hankey’s Toys Seahorse is. The head is soft enough for me to feel the pressure of my fingers coming together when I squeeze it. The shaft is nice and soft, too. It folds clean in half but because it’s so dense its firm enough to stand upright with no sagging in any direction. For me, that’s pretty much perfect. Anything softer would hinder insertion.
One thing I must tell you is how heavy it is. Like I said, it’s all silicone, and in a toy this size, that’s gonna have some heft. It weighs in at 1950g (4.3lb or 68.8oz). The only way I can use this solo is to put the bulky motherfucker down and sit on it. I can’t lie on my back and insert it. Nor can I lie on my side to slip it around the back. My wrists can’t take it, I drop it every damned time. Even if I could manage the weight, my hands still wouldn’t wrap all the way around the shaft and lube would make insertion a waking nightmare.
But the boon there is, when I put it down so that I can ride it, it stays down. It doesn’t keel over or slip around, though it does try to bend if I don’t use my hands to keep it in check. When I’m lifting my body, the toy is heavy enough to hold itself down, so once it’s in me I can play hands-free.
Vaginally, it feels fucking awesome. My photos are shit, you’d have to see the Seahorse in person to see how textured it truly is. While the head might look well defined it’s too soft to be very noticeable. Well, unless I’m stroking it around my inner labia before insertion. It feels lovely then.
But the trunk rings and knots are insanely obvious to every part of me. They stand out from the shaft at 1.5cm in some places. They’re so good around my vaginal opening cos I can feel myself stretching and shaping around them. Even when I fuck fast I can still feel them. They’re soft against my walls but the firmness of the rest of the shaft gives firmness and pressure. It’s kinda like getting all of my walls massaged all at the same time, cos it’s so big I can feel it everywhere.
I can only take around 7” of it in my vag, though, so I’ll never know how ace the stretch that massive nigh on 12” girth must feel. But that’s no big shakes, cos every time I go for a good bounce on the Hankey’s Toys Seahorse I come hard. One of the best things about it is squeezing and grinding during orgasm. It keeps me stretched, touches all of my internal hotspots, yields a little but still gives me something solid to work against. I love it so much I wanna go fuck it now, but I’ll stay here and write cos I’m a professional.
As I said at the start of this review, I’d always intended that the Seahorse be an anal toy for me. And holy hot fuck, it’s incredible. I know some people will raise their eyebrow at me and be like, ‘oh really’ when I say this, but I don’t have to move to have an anally induced orgasm with this toy. I enjoy how it feels when I slide up and down the first few inches. Especially as I have to use loads of lube so everything moves smoothly.
But if I want to, I can just keep moving my ass straight down the shaft. By the time I hit the fourth ring (around midshaft) I come and literally fall off the dong. Getting back on with wobbly legs and lube covered hands is a chore when I’m alone, but if the Fella is there to help me I can do it again. Get my ass wrapped halfway down the shaft, come, fall off. Each time I get back on I can take another centimetre or so in, but I’m yet to have my cheeks kiss the balls. I just can’t do it yet. I did try but there was blood. And a long conversation with the Fella about knowing and respecting my own limits.
An option that I didn’t mention above is whether or not you have a vac-u-hole. I chose to have one cos I had visions of being fucked senseless by the Seahorse hanging off my sex machine. It didn’t work, people. My machine was on its way out anyway and the quick fix the Fella did was undone by the weight of the dildo. But the base makes this size harness compatible (the small is too, but the largest one is too big) so I’ll get mercilessly fucked eventually, just by the Fella instead.
I knew that the Seahorse would be an awesome ride the second I saw it and I was right. It truly is one of the most satisfying toys on my shelf. It’s even satisfying to wash. I have to do it in the bath cos it doesn’t fit in my sink. I find it hilarious cos I can’t keep hold of it when it’s all soapy. It slips out of my hands, lands in the bath with a splash and gets water everywhere. Mucho entertaining!
If you’re on the lookout for a fantasy dildo the Seahorse could be your new best friend. It has something to offer size royalty, texture lovers, and for folks like me who get wet at the thought of oceanic themed dongs, it’s a dream come true.
To get one of your own, click the banner below and head over to Hankey’s Toys.
