GODEMICHE. You’ve likely heard lots of good stuff about them by now. If not, which rock have you been under? They’re UK based hand-poured dildo makers. A company known for bright, bold colours and multi-hued mixes that are more psychedelic than the 70s. A company ran by the sweetest lady and the most hyper guy you’ll ever meet. They’re also known for having just a few (superb) designs on offer; their Adam and Ambit dildos, and their plugs and pegs. I’ve said in a past review that I’d be watching with keen interest to see what future designs they came up with. I knew it would be something special, and I was right. The Ambit is a hit. Now, I’m gonna tell you all about their latest release; the GODEMICHE Hercules.
I was so excited to be given a chance to review this uncut hero. It was sent to me by the awesome Vikki at Uberkinky, a company who currently have exclusivity on it. Deliveries come so fast from Uberkinky, and I had my Hercules in my hands the day after the review agreement was made.
First impressions were, Jesus God yes, it’s so fucking long! How long? Ten inches from tip to base, every single one of them insertable. And it isn’t just long either, it’s fat. The tip is around five inches in circumference. Immediately, the hidden glans swells to six inches and once you hit the base you’re feeling a seven-inch stretch.
Made from super firm, solid silicone, it really does cut one hell of an imposing figure. Uberkinky only holds stock in black but they do offer your choice of solid colour on the proviso that you’re willing to wait two weeks for it to arrive as they’ll have it made for you.
Despite the fact that it’s one of the firmest fucks you’re ever likely to have (unless you own an Adam that is), the GODEMICHE Hercules is good and flexible. It bends clean in half and bounces back like it’s on a spring. The silicone it’s made from is solid and unforgiving, and while that might unnerve some folk it absolutely delights me.
Hercules is a realistic dildo, and to my eye it gives off a super-porny vibe. Shallowly split glans poking from an uncut foreskin, maximum veinage that covers the entire shaft. It even has a very jangly set of balls that, though completely weird looking, behave like actual balls while you use it. They’re attached by a half inch thick, two-inch-wide bit of silicone and they do indeed flap while you fap. Even though they don’t look ‘realistic’ they do offer an authentic sensation during use.
There’s something rough and ready about the GODEMICHE Hercules. I don’t know if it’s its size, or the solid black silicone, or just the handmade-mould-hand-poured nature of it. But something about it feels a million miles away from GODEMICHE’s fun, colour pop approach. It feels like a serious piece of kit that would look at home dangling from a Pro-Domme’s strap-on, or standing proud in the arsenal of the most sadistic Dom. I get shivers just from looking at it.
But looking at it isn’t all I do.
The first time I used it I was playing alone. I don’t think the postman had even made it to the end of my street by the time I had it out of the box and lubed up. It was cold, and wet, and too big and I loved it. It took me ages to warm up and take more than a couple of inches, but that just gave me a bit of time to appreciate that swollen glans. Because of the way it bulges, it tucks behind my pubic bone and settles against my g-spot.
Its size could make that hard to manoeuvre, but those balls save the day. If I get them positioned against the mattress just right, they fold over and sink in a little bit. When I move against the Hercules the base of the shaft bounces off the balls and it springs back. I have so much freedom like this and it’s all hands-free. It still works when I go deeper, though I do have to use a hand to steady it. Once I start to go buck-wild I need to get a hold of it.
Given its size, it’s surprisingly light and easy to use. I’ve not had any achy wrists from it, and it’s girthy enough for me to use my full palm and not just my fingers.
And that texture! It feels so good when I twist the dildo around inside me. The veins are defined enough to be felt both inside and around the vaginal opening, and switching to anal is even better. I have to go slow and mid-deep with the Hercules when using it anally, so I get to close my eyes and feel the full impact of every dip and fall.
I won’t let the Fella use this on me anally, either. Vaginally, yes. In a harness, fuck yes! He won’t let me anywhere near him with it and never will, but I’m happy for him to strap it on and go at me for as long as he likes. Just a little bit of clit stim and I’m whisked away to magical places while he pumps away to his hearts content. It leaves me feeling battered and bruised but in all the best ways.
Once playtime is over, I’m usually too fucked to give the Hercules a proper cleaning. I save it until the next morning, letting it sit in hot soapy water for a few minutes before rinsing under the shower while making sure there’s no stubborn gunk lingering around the head or in that deep channel between the balls. It’s an absolute Dyson when it comes to dust, lint and pet hairs so storing in some kind of box would be a great idea. Mine’s on a shelf in the toy cupboard and it still gets covered in shit, so rinsing is essential before every use.
I genuinely hope that the GODEMICHE Hercules is the first of many ‘fantasy’ dildos we get to see coming from G-Silicone’s mad-labs. I have my heart set on a dildo host of gods and heroes, or a menagerie of mythical creature dicks. Take note, Adam & Monika. Your country wants you to make more fancy dildos!
If you’d like to put the Hercules through your own version of the Twelve Labours, click the banner below and head on over to Uberkinky. Hercules too big for ya? Why not check out their other dildos while you’re there?
