Those who knew me before Scandarella was even the weakest firing of my synapses will know that there was one toy which I could never seem to make work for me. I struggled to the point where I actually returned it to the shop I’d bought it from, along with a negative review. That toy was the Eroscillator 2.
Rearranging my position and changing to the second speed, I realised after a while that the Eroscillator was doing nothing for me. I tried the third speed to be sure and still, nothing. I changed the heads, trying each one on each setting, I grabbed a naughty book off the bookcase beside me and read it cover to cover while moving the golden spoon around my clit – all I got was frustrated. I ditched the toy and used my fingers in the end.
That there is an excerpt from my original review, written way back in the July of 2014. I’d only just started reviewing that month, so the details and explanations in it leave a lot to be desired, but the last line in that review sums up my experience with the Eroscillator 2 at that time pretty much perfectly:
I had wanted this to be brilliant, and I did expect it to be with the seven stimulation options and three powerful speeds, but it just wasn’t for me so, unfortunately, it was returned.
Fast forward to October of 2016 and, after some careful consideration, I decided to accept the review offer I got from Eroscillator and give it another shot, curious to see if two and a quarter years of learning about what my body needs from sex toys would make for an improved experience.
The pack I received is the Eroscillator 2 Plus. It comes in a pretty box that’s emblazoned with flowery images of the toy itself along with a quote from Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer that, in my opinion and despite whatever else I say in this review, is a pretty bold claim:
“The EROSCILLATOR is the best device ever made for stimulation of the labia and clitoris, it offers women exciting, immensely satisfying orgasms with little or no effort.”
I must admit, that annoys me. I raise my eyebrow every single time I see it, thinking back to how broken it made me feel back in 2014 when I had to return my Eroscillator 2 because I couldn’t figure out how to make it work for me. Sad times.
Inside of that box is the Eroscillator 2 unit, an EU plug with what feels like a 40 meter long cable (it’s actually around 3.5 meters, though), four attachments, and an info/user guide booklet. That booklet gives the orgasmic and anorgasmic woman tips on how to best use their new toy, which I guess will be useful for some people right up to the part where it says, “You will have an orgasm.”
Again, Ella is annoyed. What about those women who don’t have an orgasm, even after changing their everyday white Egyptian cotton bed sheets out for dark satin ones, having a bubble bath, eating chocs or drinking wine and following the rest of the suggested steps? I’d be much more comfortable with the info and advice if it was less ‘this guarantees you an orgasm’ and more ‘this gives you a good chance to have an orgasm’.
But anyway, whinging about assumptions aside, here’s the lowdown on the toy itself.
This version of the Eroscillator 2 is the same as the one I tried in the past, except it’s a lovely plummy purple. It’s mains powered and the body of the toy is made from ribbed ABS plastic. The attachments, of which there are four with the Plus package, are made of TPR, which would have freaked me out if they’d been insertable, but these ones aren’t. There is an attachment available called 7 Beads of the Orient which is insertable, but that doesn’t come with this kit so luckily I don’t have to whine about that, lol.
The Eroscillator 2 unit measures 8 inches in length and has a girth of just over 4.5 inches. Most of the shaft is ribbed, making it easier to keep hold of when things get slippery wet, and the control slider runs down the front centre. There are three intensities, each one reached by a click on the slider.
I have one personal niggle with the slider. There’s a little lip at the top to help you operate it with wet fingers, but I can’t get to grips with that in use. I’d find it so much easier to switch between intensities if there was a little lip at the bottom of the slider too, because once I’ve got an attachment buried between my large labia, my mons makes it awkward to find that lip to change things up, and trying to slide the flat part with wet fingers is a pain.
As the name suggests, the Eroscillator unit doesn’t vibrate in the common sense of the word. It oscillates from side to side. Think electric toothbrush but far, FAR, FAR superior. When you feel the motion in your hand it doesn’t feel at all gentle, which is what the booklet claims it is, but once you have it on your clit it actually does live up to that claim. It feels different to all other types of stimulation I’ve tried, and as close as to manual finger stimulation as you’re ever likely to find.
When I explained how it felt to the Fella I told him, “It feels like getting my clit fingered by the Flash.” Ooh, Barry Allen! I’m pleased to report that this time around, I orgasm with the Eroscillator 2 with absolutely no problems at all. However, the type and intensity of stimulation offered by it is greatly dictated by the attachment I use and because of that, so are my orgasms.
Here’s a rundown of my experiences with each attachment, starting with my least favourite:
As this is this soft, bendy attachment that comes with all three Eroscillator 2 packs, I’m guessing it’s considered to be the most effective. One side (or head, as they’re called) has a series of little nodules and the other boasts a little oval cup with a nodule at the top. That cup closes around your clit, letting the edges flutter all around it.
I have reached orgasm with this attachment, but they weren’t particularly powerful ones, and I didn’t achieve them using either of the heads. I use the side of this one, pressed just to the right of my clit. Holding the toy still, I rock my pelvis in a slow, steady motion, and while it does take bloody ages, I come. Even though the orgasm isn’t spectacular, I’m just super pleased that I get one at all, cos that’s a 100% improvement from 2014.
Ball and Cup
Similar to the Golden Spoon but more solid, the Ball and Cup has a shallow round cup on one side and a series of three large bumps on the other. This one feels lovely on low and encasing a nipple. I love to start with this one on my boobs, feeling my clit slowly start to wake up and twitch in response to any pressure I put on my nipples.
Shifting it to my vulva, I really enjoy letting it sit right at the entrance to my vagina for a while, sliding over my perineum every now and again, before moving to my clit. I don’t know if it’s because the head is firmer than the Golden Spoon, but I find reaching orgasm with the Cup surrounding my clitoris quite easy. I get a stronger orgasm out of this one too, but is usually over quite quickly, and so far hasn’t been accompanied by vaginal contractions, it’s always been clit based.
Soft Finger Tip
Don’t judge me, but I actually call this one Barry Allen, because once it’s lubed up (with water-based lube only, same as the rest of the attachments) it’s the closest to a real finger feel than anything that isn’t an actual finger. It’s a soft, squishy marshmallow of ‘silicone elastomer’ apparently. Not sure what that is, but I’m confident that it isn’t silicone.
What it is, however, is fantastic. This is the attachment I use for full body stimulation. My nipples love it, as does my nape and the sides of my neck, not to mention the tops of my shoulders and small of my back.
Once I’m fully aroused, pressing it on and around my clit in light circles that get harder as I approach orgasm gives me a really strong climax, but still no internal contractions. Using it anywhere else on my vulva doesn’t do much for me, but my clit adores it.
YASSSS! I fucking love this attachment. Looking like a knight from a TPE chessboard, one side is a flexible, textured flap that flutters wildly on full speed, and the other is a pile of large beads that stimulate the clitoris from every angle. Top, bottom, sides, surface…every single part of my clit gets some attention, and if I put a little more pressure on the right?
Yes, that’s right. Mega powerful, super squirty orgasms that are accompanied by intense internal contractions. Without any kind of internal stimulation. Every time I’ve used the Cockscomb I’ve squirted, and I’ve even tweeted about that on Twitter because it’s an incredible thing for me in a general sense, never mind from a toy that used to make me feel broken.
Every part of my clitoris and the surrounding area that I need stimulating gets stimulated, and I can safely say that, for me, this attachment is a guaranteed orgasm. I have to have a short break after coming with this one cos my clit gets crazy sensitive, but if I give it the minutes and start again, I can reach orgasm much quicker, and though it’s less of a tsunami, I can still produce quite a wave.
So, it seems that two and a quarter years of getting to know my vulva and vagina and figuring out what they need to make me go boom makes a massive difference. The Eroscillator 2 has even improved the orgasms I have during PIV sex with the Fella, and that was something I didn’t expect. It can be a little awkward to use in some positions, and the cable does get in the way when there’s a pile of limbs thrashing about, but that’s no different to using a wand so it’s not an issue.
Cleaning the Eroscillator is a simple affair. First, make sure it’s unplugged, remove your attachment and then twist off the smooth tapered portion at the top. The slider pops out easily and that and the cap can be washed in soapy water with the attachments. I clean the unit with antibacterial wipes, though the booklet does say you can rinse it under a running tap (don’t submerge it). I don’t like how exposed the charging point is, so I’ve not done that and I won’t. Mine lives in its box for now, but i’ll be buying a bag for it soon cos the box isn’t a long-life one.
Lightweight, powerful, comfortable to hold, and mostly easy to use, I’d definitely recommend the Eroscillator 2 to anyone who enjoys intense yet strangely gentle clitoral stimulation. I do believe that even those who struggle to reach orgasm, or have never been able to orgasm at all, have a good chance of doing so with this toy and a little patience. I honestly wish I’d experimented more back in 2014, because I know now that I didn’t give it much of a chance and I feel it in my bones that, if I had persevered, I’d have been having mad strong orgasms for years.
It is expensive, but if you’re a struggler I would say that the cost is definitely worth it if it means you get the chance to give yourself so much pleasure. I know it’s easy for me to say cos this one was sent to me free of charge, but don’t forget I’ve paid £200 for one in the past, and I mean it when I say I know now that it’s worth it.
If you’d like to see if it works for you, you can pick one up from Eroscillator here. They have a 30 day money back guarantee, but I don’t think that’s long enough to really get to know it unless you’re very sure of how your body works. I you’re not, you can pick up the Deluxe version from Lovehoney here, and that one not only has two more attachments but also a more powerful motor. Because of Lovehoney’s no quibble 365 day returns policy you can really take your time getting to know the Eroscillator, and an extra few days or weeks or even months may be all you need to make it work for you. If not, no big shakes, return it. Not every toy will work for every body, and that’s totally fine.
The Eroscillator 2 Plus was sent to me by Eroscillator in exchange for an honest review. This in no way influences my opinions, which are now, and will forever be, my own. Some Lovehoney affiliate links have been used in this post.