Before Scandarella became a thing, the Fella was never really into sex toys that are made for the old John Thomas. His toy box was made up of things to tie me up, hit or tickle me with, and a load of bullet vibes. All there was in it for his cock was a sex shop own-brand stroker or two, and a few Tenga Eggs. But, as I said, Scandarella happened, and his interests in penis pleasing toys grew. But that’s not why I’m bringing you this review of the You2Toys Doggy Darling from Orion. Read on to find out the real reason I opted to try out this wobbly, big assed…ass.
For many people, fantasies play a large part in their sexual relationship with not just their partners, but also themselves. Whether it be a sexy scenario that gets shared and played out, or something that remains tucked away in the privacy of our minds, most of us do have them.
I have dozens.
One of the tamer ones, is the threesome; both the two men and two women varieties. As much as I hate the idea of him fucking someone else, the thought of the Fella performing for me really gets me off. That can be confusing at times, cos I know it’s not something I would ever want in real life, but at the same time I feel sad knowing it’ll never happen.
Luckily there are sex toys out there that can help, and that is why I wanted to try this bubble butt. Yep, it was less to do with how it works for the penis, and more about how it works in my head. I already know that, if I close my eyes, a dildo can take me partway to believing that I’m part of a MMF threesome. So, I wanted to know if a sex toy could work as a stand-in for another woman.
The first thing to strike me about the Doggy Darling was the packaging. Jesus Christ! It’s easy to see why folk thought sex toys were seedy when I was a teen. I know it’s aimed at straight men, who are largely visual creatures, but surely even they must look at that kinda thing these days and wonder if it’s necessary.
Anyway, after I poured out my disapproval at the sight of such a skeevy box, I took it off the Fella and nearly died at the weight of it. I needed to know just how heavy this thing was, so out came the bathroom scales. The Doggy Darling weighs almost 12lb (5.4kg)! That’s one hell of a substantial weight, and depending on how you want to use it, that’s a good thing. Pro: it’s heavy enough to not move across whatever surface you have it on, no matter how hard you thrust. Con it”ll too heavy for some to use it in any other way than flat.
The Doggy Darling (I hate that name) is pretty realistic, and I’m guessing possibly life-sized given that the waist would probably be 28-inches if this were an actual person. That’s a size 8-10 in the UK. It measures 9” in length, 13” in width, and 5.5” in height. As well as a very obvious vaginal opening (complete with inner labia and clitoris) there’s a little puckered anal opening.
The internal canal is 8”, and textured with four rows of soft bumps. I was surprised to find that, though both openings lead to one canal, there is a flap in there that separates them. That opens up the possibility for two penises to share without either of them losing any of that texture. Or even three, given that there’s an air release hole in the back. I don’t know how well this would work given the size of the toy, but there’s only one cock in my relationship so I don’t have to worry about that.
Something else about the canal; it’s tight. I can stick one finger in there and the whole surface of it is cocooned. That means that any cock that goes in there, no matter what the girth, is in for a lot of hugging. And because said cock will be pushing through and stretching the canal as it goes, the texture will merrily stroke away at its glans. Great if you’re sensitive enough to feel it.
It is a super stretchy canal, too. I fisted it without causing any upset, so don’t go thinking your mighty penis is gonna rip it a new one. Well, it might eventually, if you go at it like a demon every time. But that’ll all be up to you.
Before I get into talking about this thing in use, I have to apologise to you, my lovely readers, and to all penises everywhere. Why? Because the Doggy Darling is made from ‘nature skin’. TPR. A thermoplastic elastomer (rubber) that leaches oils, is porous and a little bit whiffy. Even now, spanking away while writing this review, my hands feel the way they do after I’ve used silicone lube. Slightly greasy and slippery, and in this instance, smelling like crap. And the white box I put the toy in after binning the ugly packaging is now covered in grey oily stains, and it was like that before we even used the damned toy. I’d like to hear those industry bods who claim TPR doesn’t leak explain that one away.
You’ll never – ever – see a review on Scandarella for a TPR insertable toy, I promise you. They’re not body safe, and they’re totally unnecessary, because good quality silicone vibes and dildos are prolific and affordable these days. I don’t need to and refuse to buy, review or promote anything less.
But our cock owning brethren aren’t so lucky. Basic sheath style strokers are starting to become available but, mostly, that side of the market is still flooded with jelly, rubbers and PVC. Finding toys the size of the Doggy Darling in silicone is impossible, unless you want to start looking at close to four-digit price tags. So, yeah. Sorry, cocks, but you’re stuck with TPR for now.
Anyway, the material this thing is made from isn’t called ‘nature skin’ for nothing. It does feel and behave in a very realistic manner. It’s more solid than a real butt, and there’s a weird drag to it if you touch it with dry hands, but once it’s warm and wet, it feels pretty authentic.
Obviously, using a toy of this size and type isn’t done on a whim. You can’t really whip it out of the sock drawer and have at it like you could a Fleshlight. It’s one of those things that has to be part of a conscious plan rather than a snap decision. That means we have plenty of time to get it prepared. To warm it, I submerge the Doggy Darling in a bath of hot water. It heats quickly, and because it’s so dense (and because of use) it retains that heat well. It isn’t necessary to warm it through, you can use it cold if you like, but a thorough rinse is essential. To keep it at its best while in storage, TPR gets coated in powder (which is actually cornflour). That needs washing off before use, unless you wanna make cum & lube soup.
A good coating of water-based lube, poured right into one of the openings, and the toy is ready for use. So, does it work as a stand-in for a body that will never be present?
Hell yeah it does!
The first time we used it, I was an observer. I was the audience, and boy, was I held rapt! Watching the Fella fuck this thing is incredible. I get to see more than I ever do while he fucks me. If I look in the mirror during sex, I see certain angles, but with this toy, I can move around.
I watched him from behind, seeing his butt flex, his thighs tighten and his shoulder blades and back muscles shift. From the front, I could watch penetration close up, and that gave me an idea of what watching someone else being fucked could look like.
Something I really loved about it was watching how it reacted to how he played. For me, watching the ripples and wobbles of the material responding to each thrust and listening to the skin-on-skin slapping noises was hot as fuck.
The Fella says that, while he was on his back and bouncing the toy on his cock, the weight made it easy to imagine there was an actual woman riding him. When he’s on top, the resistance of the dense material and the sheer size makes it feel like fucking a body and not a toy. The canal is tight, but slippery when wet, and the texture goes a long way to upping the real feel. Covering and uncovering the air release hole, or squeezing the butt cheeks together can mimic the sensation of contracting muscles.
Oh, to have a penis!
To fulfil the threesome thing, I started by joining in with his play by fingering the anal opening while he used the vaginal one. And we both got to spank those chubby cheeks while we played. That was fun! Then, we moved on to me hovering over his face while he used the Doggy Darling on his cock. And, finally, I pegged him while he humped away at the toy. That took me a bit of getting used to, but once I found my rhythm it was amazing!
Full disclosure: I have gone down on it myself while he took me from behind, but just the once.
I know, I know. It’s made of rotting death-flesh, I shouldn’t have put my mouth near it. But I wanted him to watch me. The experience wouldn’t have felt complete if we hadn’t done that. It was weird, tasted horrible, and wasn’t at all authentic (I know what a vulva feels like, I have one). So, I know I’m not missing anything by never doing that again. But it has added a new dimension to my fantasy about giving a woman oral.
Cleaning the Doggy Darling is a pain in the arse. Like I said, it’s heavy, and when it’s wet it’s slippery. There’s no turning it inside out, so it has to be washed in the bath. I’ve dropped it in the water, making quite a splash, and I’ve dropped it on the floor. Getting inside to wash the canal is fine, but getting it rinsed is a bit of work. And then there’s drying. All fluff sticks to it, so it needs to air dry. That takes forever, and once it’s done it must be powdered to keep it fresh. Cornflour everywhere, oh my God! You’ll need a good-sized box to store it in, too, and so far, I’m still using cardboard. It’s just that big.
The Fella loves the Doggy Darling for partner play, but as I said above, this isn’t about him. He actually has no threesome fantasies at all. This was about me, and I have to say that I am quite enamoured by the whole thing.
Visually, this toy only takes me so far. But when touch and sound (not to mention the Fella’s taste and scent) are added to the mix, it makes for one of the most intense non-BDSM ways we can play. I love it for that, I just wish it wasn’t made from such shitty material.
If you’d like to fulfil your threesome fantasies without involving another body, click the banner below and go buy a Doggy Darling. It’s totally worth the €169.00 (£150-ish) price tag.
