Just Jess Reviews is a well-known name in the sex toy reviewing community. She’s written plenty of reviews for Cara Sutra’s Pleasure Panel and under Lovehoney’s tester scheme, and now here’s her first guest post for me. I struggled with the MysteryVibe Crescendo, or rather my dinosaur of a mobile phone did. I couldn’t download the app, therefore couldn’t give the Crescendo a thorough enough review, so reached out to Jess for a toy exchange and a review. She was totally up for it and, after giving it a good testing, here are her thoughts on the Crescendo…
I was so excited when Ella asked if I’d like to write a guest review of the MysteryVibe Crescendo for Scanderella. Thank you so much Ella and MysteryVibe.
I have tried a few app controlled toys previously and love the concept but always found them lacking in some way; poor connectivity/disconnections, privacy issues (I’m talking about you We-Vibe) or convoluted apps offering no additional functionality.
My hopes were high that the MysteryVibe Crescendo wouldn’t fall into any of these categories.
First impressions
First impressions were really good. The Crescendo is housed in a sleek black boxed covered in matte M’s inside of an outer sleeve embossed with gold font.
Within the box is the Crescendo, a luxurious quilted storage pouch, charging pad and wire.
The whole thing just screams luxury.
Charging
Charging is wireless via the charging pad. Whilst this is an improvement on magnetic chargers it’s so difficult to line up the Crescendo properly. The first time I used it I was fiddling around with it for nearly 10 minutes, ahhhhhhh, I’ve mastered it now but damn it was annoying. The “-“ button on the Crescendo needs lining up with the “>” on the charging pad but this is unbalanced due the length of the vibe – top tip – bend the end of the Crescendo over so it balances out the weight.
The base and vibrator both flash when charging so you do know when you manage to get it right, this remains constant once charged. A two-hour charge should give you one hour of play time.
The quilted pouch has 3 compartments for storing the various elements separately and is tied with small satin draw strings. This is big enough to store the Crescendo, charger and wire if you don’t want to keep the box.
Features and in use
The Crescendo itself is covered in matte silicone which MysteryVibe describe as “skin feel”. I’m not sure this feels like any skin I’ve stroked but the silicone of the Crescendo is super soft, with a slight squish. The silicone is slightly draggy so I always use with a dollop of water based lube as silicone or oil based can react with silicone surfaces and degrade your toy.
There are two small silicone fins at one end of the Crescendo which I assume are designed to offer additional stimulation when used clitorally. These aren’t long enough for a rabbit ears kind of effect and I found the vibrations didn’t travel well through the silicone either so they are a bit redundant for me. If you were to use these internally the controls would also be inside you so you would have to use the app to control the Crescendo.
The MysteryVibe Crescendo houses six motors! Two high powered motors, one either end and four medium intensity motors down the middle of the shaft. I’ve never used a toy with more than two motors before so the potential level of power excited me even before I switched the Crescendo on.
To switch on you simply press and hold any button for two seconds. < and > allow you to scroll through the twelve pre-programmed patterns and the +/- buttons control the sixteen (!) levels of intensity. To turn off just hold either the < or > buttons. The off function is quite annoying as I’ve accidentally pressed this a few times whilst trying to change the pattern so a separate button would probably be better.
Unfortunately, the motors are seriously loud and very buzzy. I was hoping for epic power and MysteryVibe just didn’t deliver. The motors in either end are admittedly stronger than the four down the shaft, but even with the strength of the six motors together the Crescendo just wasn’t rumbly enough for me.
The motor in the wider, finned end feels stronger to me, I’m not sure if it actually is as all of the info I’ve read suggests the motors at either end are the same. The problem with this being the control buttons are then internal!
Unusually there are no constant speed options on the Crescendo only patterns. This would ordinarily put me off trying a vibe as the constant speeds are my normal go to option on any toy. My OH on the other hand prefers to tease, taunt and deny me for as long as possible with patterns so he was not so secretly pleased that I couldn’t rush to get off with the Crescendo and he was more in control.
The shape of the Crescendo is almost fully customisable. There are five hinged joints down the shaft meaning you can use it in hundreds of different combinations. These don’t bend sidewise. My favourite is one end hooked over for firm g-spot stim and normally some squirting if the Mr is in control but if I hook this over too far it catches uncomfortably on my pubic bone.
I’ve seen other reviewers recommend forming a C shape with the Crescendo but I couldn’t get this do work for me or my anatomy. I did use it on my OH’s penis to stimulate his glands but this was awkward and cumbersome to hold in place.
Crescendo is approx. 9 inches in length and has a 4-inch circumference at its widest end. The length is perfect for me, I can insert 6-7 inches and still have a good handle on it but girth wise Crescendo it just too petite for me. The flattened design means there is very little stretch vaginally, it’s similar in girth and flatness (is that a word?) to two, male fingers side by side. I prefer to feel filled but if you prefer slimmer insertables this may be perfect.
There’s no flared base so it isn’t safe for anal play, you could in theory bend one of the ends over to prevent travel but I wouldn’t recommend it, no one wants an unexpected trip to A and E.
The App
The app is easy to download for the play store on android or Apple store for iPhone and has four key features:
- add patterns (max 12)
- delete patterns
- reorder the patterns
- controller/ remote via Bluetooth.
I’m a total technophobe and manged this with no problems using the app’s features.
I liked being able to reorder the patterns to my preferred sequence and delete the ones I didn’t like altogether replacing them with others.
MysteryVibe have 21 different vibration patterns but you can only save 12 at a time on the Crescendo’s memory.
My favourite pattern MysteryVibe call ‘Power Max’. With all six motors working at once this almost felt like a continuous vibration but disappointingly this still manages to feel buzzy and the vibrations lack the depth and rumble I love.
The app can only change the patterns and not the intensities on the Crescendo which is a real shame. It would be much simpler if you could control both features. This is apparently in the pipeline and should have been updated in April 2017 but at the time of writing (June 2017) this doesn’t appear to have happened yet.
Initially, the app feature is what attracted me most about the Crescendo. Due to work commitments, my Mr and I are apart more than we’d like so finding a great couples toy that he can control from afar is high on our kinky wish list. I was really disappointed to find the MysteryVibe doesn’t have this functionality, at this end of the market I just expected to be able to control the Crescendo from the other side of the country, my mistake, but essentially the app is just a remote control you can use from across the room.
We had no connectivity issue with the Crescendo’s Bluetooth signal but only being able to change the patterns with the app was very frustrating, it just meant we had to whack it up to full speed before starting play which defeats the object of teasing me to orgasm but was less annoying than having to stop and increase the intensity.
Cleaning
The MysteryVibe Crescendo is completely waterproof so can be used in the bath or shower. I’m not a fan of this myself but it does make cleaning much easier.
I tend to wash my toys with antibacterial soap and warm water followed by sex toy cleaner but the MysteryVibe needs a bit of extra attention as lube and gunk does tend to collect around the seamed edge on the base of the Crescendo and the control indentations.
Final Thoughts
With the six motors, five hinges, twelve patterns and sixteen intensities plus an app, MysteryVibe have clearly tried to cover all bases with the Crescendo and they’re almost there. While it can me cum the vibrations are just too buzzy for me to enjoy. The degree of customisation should mean there is something for everyone and if the vibrations had just been that bit rumblier I think I would love it. I’m excited to see what MysteryVibe do next, a Crescendo 2.0 with rumblier vibes and a better app would be straight to the top of my wishlist.
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So there you have it. Jess wasn’t sold on the Crescendo, and just so you know, from what I saw/felt of it in action before it was sent off for reviewing, I wasn’t impressed either. But just because it wasn’t for us doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have the potential to be perfect for you. Different strokes for different folks, as they say. If you’d like to give it a shot, click the banner below and go check it out.
