Fully Leaded

Check me out, writing some terrible sex especially for The Other Livvy’s #EuphOff erotica competition! I apologise in advance cos this stuff is mortifying.

Mercedes rolled into the garage just after midday. All the boys downed tools to stop and stare at her magnificent chassis. The older guys were fascinated by the curve of her rear bumper, the younger ones mesmerised by her airbags. They couldn’t be blamed, though, cos they were massive when fully inflated.

Only Axel looked Mercedes in the headlamps. They were on full beam, the paint job that framed them the best he’d ever seen. She fluttered her wiper blades at him, put her hips in first gear, and parked right in front of him.

The others went back to work, some of them with their hands in their pockets, fiddling with their wrenches. Axel tried to play it cool, but he could feel his dipstick getting harder and oilier by the second.

“Full service, please.”

Mercedes’ sensuous purr revved Axel’s engine, making it roar. With a practiced U-turn, he steered her smoothly into a parking space at the back of the lot and didn’t waste any time getting down to business.

First, he lowered her soft top. Steady fingers twiddling the knobs on her dash, he kept one eye on her temperature gauge, the other on his own speedometer. Wouldn’t do to go too fast. But try as he might to keep to the limit, he couldn’t stop himself from getting a lead foot when Mercedes popped her trunk. His cylinder head throbbed, his combustion chambers felt ready to explode.

After slipping a finger into her glove box and checking her oil to make sure she was ready to go, he slipped on his driving glove, wrapped a hand around his gear stick, then put his key in her ignition. Mercedes hummed, so used to her husband’s semi-moist treat stick that Axel’s well-greased jack handle delighted her.

When Axel felt his compressor surge he didn’t hesitate to hit the blow-off valve to claim some breathing space. He waited a beat too long, though, and worried that Mercedes would have to give him a jump start. But when she reversed onto his crankshaft it was all pistons go!

Axel knew their high-octane ride was coming to an end. His tailpipe was dripping, driving into Mercedes with such force her exhaust backfired every time he moved. Her shock absorbers took everything he had to give her. When she reached maximum velocity and her horn started to blare, Axel’s valves opened and pumped her full of juice…fully leaded.

Once it was over he watched her put her soft top back up. She checked her mirrors, then she was off. Mercedes’ motor was the second he’d had to fine tune this week. As he watched her pull out into the street, Porsche pulled in, her right indicator blinking to let him know she was here to see him. Next time his regular client, Ferrari, came in for a service he’d give it to her for free, a little thank you for sending all this luxury body work his way.

If that didn’t make you cringe hard enough to pull a muscle, click here to check out the rest of the entries. They’re so bad they’re so very, very good 😉

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