I don’t know if you ever cast your dreamy eyes to the sidebar that sits to the right of this very text you’re reading (or if you ever scroll right to the bottom if you’re on a mobile phone). But if you have you may have noticed a new image there. You haven’t looked? Go on then, I’ll wait while you check it out…

Yes! That’s the one I’m talking about. To my absolute and utter amazement, I’m one of the five finalists nominated for Best Erotic Author in 2017’s ETO Awards. Eeeek, exciting!

For those who don’t know what ETO is, it’s a trade magazine – Erotic Trade Only – that keeps adult industry peeps in the loop. New product releases, info on planned ranges, interviews, current articles, new employee appointments, etc.

On a yearly basis at Birmingham NEC, ETO put on the UK’s biggest trade only show. Businesses from all over the place congregate in a massive room to display and promote their awesome products in hopes of securing potential buyers. And the jewel in the crown of the ETO Show is the glamorous ETO Awards ceremony.

Now I’ve not been to ETO. Though Scandarella was a thing in June 2016 I wasn’t ready to go to a trade show, I’d have freaked out, lay on the floor and died. Anyone who met me at Eroticon in March knows this to be true. So, I’d made plans for 2017 to be my first year. The Fella and I were gonna meet up with Carnal Queen and her King, and we were gonna have a fabulous day hitting each other with dildos and drooling over vibrators like the grown-up children that we are.

Alas, the show has been cancelled this year, much to the dismay of businesses and bloggers alike. I truly am gutted, cos my little anxiety ridden heart was really looking forward to checking out all the stuff and things.

But, despite the absence of a massive gathering and the silence where there was once a popping of champagne corks, ETO have decided that industry bods still deserve some recognition, and to honour that the Awards are still being, well, awarded. Nominations opened in March and the finalists were announced in the May issue of the magazine.

When I first saw little cartoon me staring out at me I thought, what the fuck nonsense is this? What’s that little weirdo doing on there?! It took me a good five minutes to process the fact that some amazing people out there had actually nominated me. Then there was disbelief, certainty that someone was pulling my pisser, embarrassment and finally guilt.

Why had I been nominated? Where were the names I knew and loved who totes should have been thought of before I was? The other four nominees are well-known names and all of them are incredible writers and no strangers to award nominations, so I kinda felt like a sheep in wolf’s clothing.

It took me well over a week of cringing every time I spotted any mention of the awards before I finally cracked and had a chat with Girl On The Net. What a fantastic person she is! I know she’s as hopped up on ragged nerves as I am, but when it comes to helping others she’s cool, calm and collected, and the advice she offers is genuine and sincere. And her advice to me? Not to feel guilty about people liking my shiz.

So this post is basically me doing two things:

  • thanking those people who liked my stuff enough to think I deserved a nomination
  • giving myself a thumping good pat on the front

I’m not 100% naïve, I know I’m not gonna see that shiny award in person (this absolutely isn’t me doing faux modesty, this is me acknowledging the calibre of the other nominees). So I’m gonna grab a microphone (a Doxy) stand on my stage (the bed) and after yelling THANK YOU at the top of my lungs I’m gonna sing along with this song, cos I’m fucking well proud of myself for getting this far.

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