We have a wardrobe dedicated to bondage equipment, and although it’s contents see a lot of use, I’ve hardly reviewed any of the stuff in it. Reason being, I find this type of review really hard to write, because a good BDSM session results in so many emotions (many of them conflicting) I can’t put into words how I even feel, never mind write a coherent piece on what I think of this flogger or that cane.
There’s also been dozens upon dozens of occasions where I’ve come around from a session and haven’t been able to remember even half of what went on during it, meaning my reviews of products used during those times would be patchy at best.
But while sitting here all by myself, drawing daisies on my left boob with a black biro and moping over Scandarella’s lack of bondage product reviews, I’ve gotten to thinking about my own history with BDSM. Naturally, I ended up on a stroll down memory lane, all the way back to the days when the Fella and I didn’t have boxes and drawers full of bondage equipment.
Back to those days when all we had for spanking were palms and hairbrushes, and our restraints were scarves and dressing gown belts, with the odd bit of rope thrown in if we were feeling hardcore.
Aah, if only we’d known where to buy built for purpose kinky shit.
Well, we certainly know now! But when we first started replacing the clingfilm with bondage tape and the cable ties with handcuffs, it was quite a rocky road. We went from having nothing more exciting than the bits and pieces in the laundry baskets and cutlery drawer to choose from, to having literally thousands of products at our fingertips, and those products ranged from paddles that looked eerily similar to my hairbrushes, to things only god could explain the unholy uses of.
Even though we knew what kinds of products we wanted, gauging what was suitable for a couple new to actual bondage equipment was difficult, as some sites were labelling something ‘beginner’ while another site would have the same product badged up for intermediate and, on occasion, advanced.
Beginner, intermediate, advanced.
They’re such subjective terms, and it’s really hard to categorize this paddle or that crop, as everyone’s ideas on severity and suitability is different. What seems light hearted and jokey to one person could well appear to be something out of a Marquis de Sade story to the person standing beside them, and this has the potential to freak an actual beginner the fuck out.
So I thought I would put together a little list of products I have now and know I would have loved to have had in my first kinky toy box, in the hopes that anyone taking their first steps into light bondage might find them less daunting.
Essential Restraints
Have you ever noticed that, when you’re trying to hear a quiet sound, you close your eyes? You do that because depriving your body of one sense makes it sit up and take notice, and for its safety and your survival, your unobstructed senses become more, well… more sensitive.
For starters, your hearing sharpens so you can hear any approach you can’t see. But even better than that, your nerve endings come alive so that you can feel that approach. You get a better sense of where unseen things are in relation to your body. Adding the knowledge that there is something there – and that it’s coming for you – can do some fucked up things to your mind and your emotions.
This is why the first thing I would suggest anyone looking to shake up their play should buy, is a blindfold. A decent one of those will shine an entirely new light (figuratively speaking) on your sexy time. You don’t even have to incorporate whips and chains at this stage, all you need to do is what you would usually do with your partner, and the fact that you truly can’t see a damned thing will change how every touch feels. For the wearer, of course.
The lucky devil who can see gets rewarded not only by the knowledge that their partner trusts them enough to be sightless in their presence, but also by the fact that they can ogle and stare at all their favourite bits with wild abandon, without fear of causing discomfort or triggering complexes.
I know that sounds daft, because the wearer knows that, even though they can’t see you, you can still see everything, but I can tell you from personal experience that there’s something about relinquishing your sight during a sensual/sexual encounter that’s truly liberating. I hate 90% of my body, and I’ve been known to experience some major distress when the Fella sees me naked, but once the blindfold is secured and he descends on me, my inhibitions and hang-ups evaporate.
Now, a popular choice for first blindfolds, are satin ones. Made from long strips of silky soft fabric, they have wire edged panels in the centre that mould to the shape of your face, and generously long ties so you can practice your fancy bow making skills around the back of your partner’s head, to secure them in and effectively blind them.
These are a much better choice than the superhero type mask that’s shaped like a kidney bean and is held to your head with a strip of usually too tight elastic. They’re sexier, come in a huge array of colours, and are often a part of a much larger range of matching products that will make your sexy time that little sexier.
The second thing on the list of must haves in a basic bondage box, is something to bind the wrists and, if you’re into it, the ankles. There’s something supremely sexy about being bound and helpless while either watching (if you’re not blindfolded) or feeling your partner crawling up your body, kissing, licking and touching where they will.
Lying there, unable to move, unable to run, unable to escape the torments and pleasures being given to your body… it awakens every nerve, and even the lightest touch is intensified to something so imposing it has the power to tear its way through your body. Knowing that your partner is going to keep stroking you right there, no matter how much you flinch into or away from the pleasure, or that they’re going to keep sucking and penetrating until you reach orgasm, and you can’t even do something as simple as squeeze your legs together to control it…it all makes the end result more explosive.
Being at the mercy of another is thrilling, and from a top’s point of view, having someone put themselves completely in your hands is as much of an honour as it is gratifying.
While many people will flock to fluffy handcuffs as a first restraint, I wouldn’t recommend starting there. They often break, or can be sharp and uncomfortable, and that doesn’t add a great deal to beginner’s bondage, in my opinion.
I’d suggest a pack of satin ties instead. They usually come in packs of 4, and as they’re all one length, they’re perfect for accommodating ankles as well as wrists. They can be tied together, to the bed posts, or to other pieces of furniture. You can even make hogties out of them once you’re more experienced, and what’s more, you’ll find them available in the same ranges as the satin blindfolds, so you can pick your colour or your brand, and have yourself a matching set.
An alternative to both of the above recommendations, is bondage tape. I’d seen it many times during my shopping trips around the web, but I’d always rolled my eyes at it, thinking it was gimmicky and a bit tacky. I’m only human, though, and I’m entitled to make mistakes.
Bondage tape is a fantastic addition to any beginner’s bondage box, because it’s probably the most versatile thing you’ll ever buy. Available in a myriad of colours, bondage tape can be used for so many different purposes. It isn’t an adhesive tape at all, other than the fact that it sticks to itself. It doesn’t stick to the skin or hair, and doesn’t leave marks on any surfaces it may come into contact with.
We’ve used it to bind hands and ankles, to cover my eyes and ears, to secure me to the dining table and chairs… we’ve used it in our under bed restraint system, and even to make clothing. The Fella wrapped my legs from thigh to ankle in bondage tape once, then secured my arms against my sides. I won’t tell you what he did to me while I was immobilised, but I will say I hope to god he does it again someday.
Lastly on my beginners restraints list would be a collar and lead. I know that this might seem like a pretty intense piece of kit, as anything that wraps around the throat is massively intimidating, but it’s probably THE best way I can think of to get the submissive partner into the submissive mind set.
I’m a bit of a bitch, truth be told. I’m argumentative, awkward, and stubborn, but as soon as the Fella shows me a collar, I mellow. I can feel myself calming, and I can feel the need to please rising inside me. Once that collar is clicked into place, I’m a sedate, yet eager, willing participant in whatever he plans to do to me.
Sometimes his plans are as simple as holding me still on my knees in a back arched position while he fucks me, but other times I get towed around the house by my neck, with stops every now and again to perform some act on him or myself for his pleasure.
A good collar and lead is a product whose uses will grow with your experience, and I would definitely recommend you get one and incorporate it into your play sooner rather than later, as there’s nothing more disconcerting for a submissive than a dominant who doesn’t really know how to use a piece of kit properly.
Essential Impact & Sensation Toys
Imagine yourself lying on your bed, with your wrists bound to the headboard. You’re blindfolded, so you can’t see your partner, but you know they’re up to something. You know they’re watching you. The fine hairs that cover your body start to lift away from your skin as tiny bumps rise from your head down to your toes.
You can hear your partner moving around the room. You can hear them picking things up and putting them back down, making their selection from the box at the bottom of the bed. Suddenly, they go quiet, and your breathing hitches. A dull ache settles in your groin, and your nipples begin to harden.
Then you feel the softest touch brushing over your cheek, moving slowly down your neck and your chest, coming to a fluttering halt over your breast. It moves in lazy circles, around and around, down over your stomach and back up again, until finally, it’s brushed over your nipple over and over.
That right there is pretty damned hot, in my opinion, and it’s achieved by the simplest thing ever; the feather tickler.
Ticklers are one of least expensive things you can buy for your bondage box. They come in many colours, shapes, and sizes, the most common ones being the large ostrich feather variety, or the small marabou feather ones. I do have one which is made from a single peacock feather though, and it’s beautiful.
Feather ticklers are the easiest way to wake up the skin, and no toy box is complete without one.
Once your skin is awakened, and all of your nerves are poised for whatever comes next, any touch is going to be magnified. Imagine then that you’re still bound and sightless on your bed, and you feel a slightly heavier tickle skim across your stomach.
It’s kinda scratchy, but definitely still just a tickle. It moves down over your thighs, teases your knees for a few seconds before moving back up and trailing across your chest, your arms, your neck… then suddenly it’s gone, there’s a subtle swish, and a host of thin tendrils lash across your hip. The sensation isn’t painful. It isn’t even concentrated; it’s spread out, some of it catching your stomach while other bits of it skim your pubic mound.
You’ve just been whacked with a flogger, and that’s the next step up from a feather tickler. Floggers come in as many shapes and sizes as people do, and in as many colours too. You can get all leather ones, suede ones, paracord, rubber, silicone, rope… and the handles can be a simple piece of wrapped tubing, giving you something to hold on to, or they can be as elaborate as a glass dildo, giving you – and your sub – a little something extra.
The more fancy you want your flogger, the more it’ll cost, so I’d suggest staying basic for your first one. A simple rope flogger with knotted ends is a good place to start, just be aware that the kidney area and coccyx are delicate, and should be avoided during impact play.
The next thing on the intensity scale of impact toys, in my opinion, would be a silicone riding crop, because once your skin is singing, it’s time for the stinging. You can feel the cool air of the room blowing across those raised hairs, still tickling you, even though the feathers and rope tendrils are gone. Anticipation makes it feel so much more intense than it is, and you can’t wait for whatever comes next.
A sharp slap on your thigh makes you yelp. You totally didn’t know that was coming, your partner is nowhere near you! Another slap on the other thigh, then another, so close to the first, but not overlapping. A couple more, these ones further apart, and the tingles turn to a hot burn. You’ve tensed, waiting for the next strike, but instead of another slap, something thin and cool is dragged in a straight line, as though it’s joining the dots between what you instinctively know are individual little red marks.
You relax, luxuriating in the feeling of soft, light strokes, then all of a sudden, the slaps start up again… your wrist, stomach, calf, nipple… you don’t know where it’s going to hit next, and you can’t guess because your partner is at least a couple of feet away from your personal space. You wish you knew, you wish you could guess so you could prepare your sensitive skin for the impact, but you just can’t. But when each of your surprised yelps draws a satisfied, naughty little chuckle from the one tormenting you, you can’t help but smile through your helpless, willing frustration. Those are some of the joys of a riding crop.
The heads of most crops are usually small, focusing impact in very specific areas, but at the same time, their shafts are often quite long, unless you intentionally opt for a mini one, and strikes can become unpredictable should the wielder get caught up in their own excitement.
The reason I recommend silicone as a beginner’s crop, is because pretty much all the silicone tipped ones I’ve come across have had short handles, making them mini crops. They’re easier to handle, and therefore easier to maintain control of. According to the Fella, he remains acutely aware of the limited range he has on a mini crop, so has to make more of an effort to direct his strikes. Not that he goes buck wild with standard sized crops, mind you. I’d have something to say if he started being negligent.
Even though silicone crops are usually sweet and innocent looking, they really are the wolves in sheep’s clothing of the impact box. They have such a sweet sting to them, yet you don’t even need to throw a lot of force behind a swat to achieve a bright red imprint of whatever shape your tip is. Almost all of the sensation you get is surface level, and there’s no fear of a Dom accidentally getting carried away and causing real pain, because the shafts are usually made from bare plastic and will snap long before anyone can be hurt.
It’s quiet again. The sharp slaps of the crop have come to an end, though the stings all over your body still tingle and itch, not letting you forget what you’ve just endured. You’re being uncuffed and your partner takes your hand, leading you off the bed. You stand, briefly, and are awarded with a soft kiss or two, or maybe even an intimate stroke, before being guided back on to the bed, this time on your front.
Your arms are stretched out in front of you, and after two clicks, you find yourself bound to the headboard again. Your partner’s hands are on you. Kneading your shoulders, slipping beneath your arms and over the exposed sides of your chest, before stroking down your spine, over your hips and down your thighs.
As soon as those hands touch the fleshy undersides of your butt cheeks, you moan. Pinching, nipping, and gently tapping, your lover awakens your thus far neglected backside. Then that skin-on-skin contact vanishes, and something else replaces it. It’s soft and tickly, almost like a larger, stiffer version of a feather tickler.
Then a muffled crack sounds in the room, and you instinctively push your hips into the bed, tightening your butt. There’s a dull ache slowly blossoming in your right butt cheek. A few more soft strokes of the firm fuzziness, and another blow lands, followed by another, then another.
As the strokes carry on, growing in intensity, you find your posture changing. You’re no longer digging your hips into the mattress, you’re raising them, rounding that ass of yours and parting your thighs to provide your partner with a definite target while displaying your genitals into the bargain, because you’re ready to be fucked now, and you’re hoping to god that they are too.
You’ve just been introduced to the last of my beginner’s bondage essentials: a faux fur paddle.
Paddles come in all shapes, sizes and materials. We have leather, suede, wood, and silicone paddles, and even a rubber one with a metal core. The faux fur paddle is possibly the tamest we own, and we still use it every now and again when pain isn’t the name of the game. I’ve seen a few of these furry ones, in a few colours, and one thing they all have in common is that the very nature of fur makes them well padded.
It is still possible to get a good thump out of them, but you have to hit quite hard, and that’s a big effort on the Dom’s part, and probably unlooked for on the sub’s part, if they’re a beginner. The furriness sweetens the brief respite between strikes, with no toy switching involved.
So, that’s that, I guess. Scandarella’s recommendations for the perfect bondage kit for the beginner, each piece picked using two wonderful things: experience, and hindsight. I’d have loved to have known these types of products were available to me back in the days of wooden spoons and shoe laces, and I hope it takes away some of the uncertainties of where to begin for those just realising that they don’t have to raid their kitchens or pyjama drawers to facilitate their kinky playtime.
