It’s Easter Sunday! Happy chocolate scoffing if you eat it, happy egg rolling if you do it, and happy resurrecting if you’re Jesus. I’ve already munched my way through a box of 24 Ferrero Rocher, and I have my eye on the Fella’s Belgian chocolate egg now. I don’t know who’s gonna hate me more when I sneak-eat it; him, my dentist, or my doctor. It’ll probably be me, actually.
As well as Easter, it’s also April Fool’s Day, and I’m mad about it. To me, it’s nothing but an excuse for regular twats to be astoundingly massive twats and I hate the entire concept. There’s something about it that brings out the worst in pretty much anyone pre-disposed to being a cunt. Just having a snoop at some Facebook pages this afternoon gave me an eyeroll migraine when I spied folks saying they’d been subjected to some of the usual suspects:
Can I take you out next weekend?
OMG, yes, I thought you’d never ask!
HAHA, APRIL FOOL!!!!
I’m sorry babe, I cheated on you. With your sister.
OMG, how could you do this to me?
HAHA, APRIL FOOL!!!!
I’m pregnant!
OMG, congratulations!
HAHA, APRIL FOOL!!!!
I got someone else pregnant.
OMG, YOU BASTARD, WE ARE SO DONE!
HAHA, APRIL FOOL!!!
YOU SICKO, WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?! GET OUTTA MA FUCKIN’ HOUSE!!
Haha … … … … Ha … April Fool?
NO, GET OUT!!
I won’t lie, the last one did make me chuckle. Dickhead deserved being tossed out on his arse for being tit enough to try making a joke out of something so shockingly massive. Fun pranks (like the ones Epiphora cracks out every year) are brilliant. They entertain, amuse, and show so much creativity they’re a joy to see. But pranks in which a person’s heart is the target can fuck right off as far as I’m concerned.
Are you ranting for a reason, Ms Scandal, I hear you ask. The answer to that is yes. Yes, I am. I think there are much better things to be doing on April 1st, and here are a few of them:
HAVE AN ORGASM
Today marks the first day of Tabitha Rayne’s #30DayOrgasmFun. Sex bloggers the world over are cracking out their best masturbatory skills in the name of improved mental health, stress relief, reconnecting with their bodies, or even just giving themselves the good fucking time that they deserve. Some will be blogging about it. I’ll be doing an introductory blog post today or tomorrow then weekly until the 30th, with daily tweets thrown in for good measure. Others will be blogging daily, doing fancy spreadsheets, tweeting throughout the month with a final round-up at the end. If you fancy giving it a go, or just want to follow everyone else’s experiences, the hashtags you need are #30DayOrgasmFun, #SexToyShoutOut, and today only, #WanksNotPranks. A-fucking-men to that!
DO SOME VOTING
Yes! It’s finally time to read the entries of round 3 of Smut Marathon. Time to pick your faves and cast your votes. I scraped through the first two rounds by the skin on my teeth so am still in the running. Do you think you can figure out which entry is mine?
READ SOME ICKY EROTICA
The hilariously terrible erotica extravaganza that is The Other Livvy’s #EuphOff competition has come to a close for entrants, so now it’s time to read the cliche packed posts and have yourself some intensely pleasant (laughter) spasms. Something magical happens when good writers intentionally write bad smut. It’s all cringe-worthy stuff but, as the Fella announced when I read him my faves, clever enough to be considered brilliant and dirty enough to be wood-worthy. Check them out!
READ SOME SMASHING SMUT
Doctor Jaqueline Hyde by Lascivious Lucy
Working It All Out by Cimmerian Sentiment
READ A SEXY BOOK
In the past couple of weeks, I’ve been taking time to do some reading. After reading the Divergent trilogy (super late, I know) I decided to switch to some grown-up stuff. Mischa Eliot‘s Knead is super short but crazy hot, so that’s definitely in my wank bank for #30DayOrgasmFun purposes.
Yesterday, I settled down to read Girl on the Net‘s first book, My Not So Shameful Sex Secrets, and even though I’m only a handful of chapters in it’s already an awesomely filthy read. I spent probably an hour after I put it down feeling nostalgic for those days when a hesitant tit grope felt as intense to me as a full-on fuckathon does now. Even though the early chapters read very much like my own early chapters would, I know just from reading her blog that GOTN’s path has been very different to mine, so I’m eager to snatch some more time to discover what happens next.
NEW BLOGGER ALERT
If you followed the soon to be gone Random Red Rose Reviews, you’ll have heard of this new blogger, cos she isn’t ‘new’ in the usual sense. Petra Pan was initially a regular guest blogger for Rose but, after attending the buzzing hive of information and inspiration that is Eroticon, she decided to branch out on her own and launch her very own site. Petra is a lovely person and a great writer, so give her a follow on Twitter and check out her new blog 😀
Enjoy, and remember, if you like it, share our shit.
