If you’re a reader of Scandarella erotica, you might have picked up on something quite personal about me. As well as my love for the spooky and macabre, I really get off on writing the profane. The blasphemous. For some reason, I adore picking bits of scripture and warping them, taking religious imagery and sexing it the fuck up. So it feels super on-brand of me to be reviewing a dildo in the shape of a nun. Yep, the lovely folks from SheVibe have given me a shot at the Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior and it is magnificent.
I’m not gonna lie, I was initially drawn to this shapely piece of sacrilege purely because of how it looks. It’s tongue in cheek at best, downright blasphemous at worst, and therefore fully awesome in my opinion. When the Fella first saw it, he laughed uncomfortably and said, “Oh my God, that’s so offensive.” I mean, not no. But this coming from a guy who stood behind me while I watched porn full of priest-on-nun action… it just reeks of hypocrisy and I’m having nun of it. Lol. News just in, my pun game is weak. Continue reading “Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior Review”
It’s Uberrime time! I love this brand so much, folks. How much? Top five brands ever much. I have a handful of their products in my review queue (all of them stunning) and the first pick out of that box for the new year is the Uberrime Helios Dildo.
Okay, I kinda lied there. I didn’t take the Helios out of my review box cos it’s never been in it. Nope, it’s lived in my ‘quick grab’ cupboard because when I want it I want it, I don’t want to have to rummage.
After 5 years of cramming stuff into my cunt and then writing about it, I’ve become very finely attuned to what does and doesn’t work for me. I know that if I don’t have a curve, I like a bulbous tip. If I don’t have texture, I like girth, and that I like more length than I can take so that I have something to hold on to. And the Uberrime Helios ticks all my boxes in the best of ways. Continue reading “Uberrime Helios Dildo Review”
Do you have a nemesis? Is there someone or something out there that is the Joker to your Batman, the Loki to your Thor, the Doofenshmirtz to your Perry the frigging platypus? Well, today I’m gonna introduce you to mine. Folks, meet the Split Peaches Rivetor that the lovely bods at Betty’s Toy Box kindly sent my way. The dildo that, for a while there, had me convinced that my vagina had finally met its match.
Yeah, I really struggled to get on with this one. I wailed and moaned, bitched and whinged, but for a long while I just couldn’t figure out how to even get it in me without bringing tears to my own eyes. And do you know what caused it? Damn, never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever find myself typing these words, but it was the texture. Let me explain… Continue reading “Split Peaches Rivetor Dildo Review”
If you’re into fantasy dildos, especially those inspired by winged serpents that breathe fire, you’ll probably know all about Bad Dragon. They’re the creators of some of the most stunning dildos I’ve ever gazed upon. About half a year ago, I reviewed what could possibly be the most gorgeous Bad Dragon dildo I’m ever likely to come all over across. Now, after a lot of practice, it’s time to review its travel companion, and they’re about as different as two dildos can get. Yeah, it’s time for me to tell y’all what I think of my rather large Bad Dragon Apollo.
Quite simply, I love it. I love everything about it. Its shape, its design, its colour. And, after some trial and error, I learned to love its size. See, as I said in my last review, picking dildo sizes while even remotely horny is a shitty idea. But I really can’t help myself. Whenever I’m faced with size options I go in thinking, know your limits, Ella, but as soon as it comes down to it I’m like, FILL ME WITH THE BIGGEST BASTARD YOU HAVE AVAILABLE!! Which is exactly what I did when I did my custom picks for the Bad Dragon Apollo. Continue reading “Bad Dragon Apollo Dildo Review”
It’s Scandarella’s Big Dong Day! The day of my reviewing year that’s dedicated to big, bold silicone dicks. In 2017 I gushed about this creepy number, and last year things got a wee bit magical. This year? This year I’m playing around with massive myths, with not one but two dragon dildo reviews going live this week. The first of the two is the delicious Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo.
I’m no stranger to Hankey’s Toys, having reviewed their BFG and Seahorse dildos during 2018 while having the Dragon and one other dong (review coming soon!) waiting in the wings for this year. And do you know what? They’ve never failed to impress me. From first communication to delivery, every aspect of my Hankey’s experience has been positive. They’re a friendly bunch and super accommodating, which is a good thing given that they run a customisation service. Continue reading “Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo Review”
As much as I love my tried and true favourite brands, I’m always extra excited when I get to review a product from a brand that’s completely new to me. See, if I’m trying something from, say, Fun Factory, I know that there’s a 99% chance that I’m gonna love it. But if it’s something completely new, like the rather lovely looking Kama Sutra Rhythm Natya, I go in with no expectations whatsoever. And to a time served sex toy reviewer, that’s a thrilling feeling.
Okay, I know that some folks see packaging as little more than the stuff that protected their goods in the post, but I’m one of those people who is easily dazzled by pretty things. I loathe nasty clamshell cases and flimsy, titty covered cardboard boxes that tear when I try to open them. What I like is tasteful, informative (throwaway) sleeves that clearly show me what I’m getting. And I like hard, sturdy, boxes that I can store my toys in. Basically, I like to be impressed at first sight, and that’s exactly what happened with the Kama Sutra Rhythm Natya. Continue reading “Kama Sutra Rhythm Natya Review”
Anal hooks. I’ve been wanting to try one of these bad boys for ages, but I kept on putting it off. I’m not even 100% sure why cos I’m usually the type that’s all about new sensations. Whatever it was that made me overlook them whenever the opportunity to snag one arose, I wasn’t ever able to shake the feeling that I needed to know how wearing one would feel. Whether it would add or detract from our play. Well, thanks to Honour sending me their HNRX Bondage Anal Hook for review, I now know.
When I first whipped it out of its black cloth bag my initial thought was, Judas Priest, look at the length of that frigging handle! Including the ring (but excluding the ball) and following the curve, the hook measures 15-inches. Now, I’ve got some mammoth insertables, so this centimetre-thick piece of metal shouldn’t have freaked me out. But it did. It was the good kind of freaked out that gets a bod all tingly and excited, but I will admit that it made me nervous. Continue reading “HNRX Bondage Anal Hook Review”
Even though I’ve refused to tell my friends and family my blog’s actual name, I’m happy to yap on about what goes down here whenever I get the chance. We talk about my stories and, more often than not, sex toys. Recently, a friend shocked the shit out of me when she announced that, despite my warnings (and occasional death threats) she still buys toxic/porous toys. Why? Cos she thinks that silicone ones are too expensive. I nearly tripped over my own tongue in my haste to prove her wrong. It was easily done, cos just so happened to have the Temptasia Elvira sat in my review pile.
The Elvira is a silicone dildo that’s made by one of my favourite ‘we do a bit of everything’ brands, Blush Novelties. And do you know how much it costs? A mere $27.60 if you’re shopping at SheVibe (or £23.99 in the UK). My mate paid $35.99 (£29.99) for her rubbery monstrosity. That’s a significant difference in price, right? But when I compared the two products, I pointed out that the only real difference between them in terms of design is realism. Continue reading “Temptasia Elvira by Blush Novelties Review”
Earlier on in the year, the super generous folks from Satisfyer sent me a whopping big box full of goodies. Some of them I’ve reviewed and others are up for grabs in my Halloween 2018 Giveaway. And one was popped in the post and sent to my lovely friend, the awesome Posy Churchgate, so she could give us her unbiased opinion. Read on to find out what she thought of the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples…
I have not tried any products by Satisfyer before this one was sent to me by Scandarella to review, but I was immediately impressed by the presentation and the packaging. Continue reading “Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples Guest Review”
Love em or hate em, there’s no denying the fact that LELO is one of the biggest names in luxury sex toys. Personally, I’m a lover. Sure, they have some pieces of tripe in their catalogue, but most of the products of theirs that I’ve tried have made me happy. Their Smart Wands are to die for, and they do some lovely anal toys. But one product I’ve long been curious about is the LELO Lily 2. I mean, it’s not every day a brand comes along with a chocolate scented vibrator, is it?
As with all LELO products, the Lily 2 is very smartly packaged. Along with the toy itself, you’ll find a USB pin charger, storage bag, lube sample, warranty card, and a couple of leaflets, all tucked neatly away in little compartments. It’s definitely worth registering your toy to activate your warranty, especially when it’s a high-end, high price tag one. LELO offers a 12-month fault/defect replacement warranty. The replacement is discretionary, though, they’ll want the toy so they can investigate before they pay out. Once the warranty expires the quality guarantee kicks in. This gives you 50% off a replacement should your toy croak within a 10-year period. Continue reading “LELO Lily 2 Scented Vibrator Review”