Primal Hardwere G’lorp Ovipositor Review

A couple of years ago, I stumbled across an online video of a pretty gal using a floppy, hollow dildo to shove a clutch of jelly eggs up in her own vagina. Once she’d crammed half a dozen of them in there, she squatted and laid ‘em on her bathroom floor. I’m not gonna lie, the sight of those little wibbly balls splodging on the lino made me nauseous. But times they do a-change. Fast forward to now and here I am, rolling up my sleeves and settling in to tell y’all how much I fucking adore my Primal Hardwere G’lorp Ovipositor.

Primal Hardwere G'lorp Ovipositor Review, image showing a red textured silicone dildo with a black multi-tentacled base on a dark green background

Primal Hardwere is silicone sex toy maker in the US and they produce some pretty awesome stuff. Their niche isn’t dragons or merfolk, though, and it isn’t orcs or demons either. Nope, they cater to those who find their fetishes in the world of animals (yes, I do mean the canids and the equine) and in science fiction. Their G’lorp Ovipositor falls in the latter category.

So, first off, what is an ovipositor? Well, in nature it’s a tube through which some creepy crawlies and little fishies lay their eggs. A quick read up (cheers, Wikipedia!) informs me that some insects use their ovipositor to simply attach their eggs to a surface, but others use it to pierce or burrow in order to deposit their load inside of something… Continue reading “Primal Hardwere G’lorp Ovipositor Review”

Lovehoney Desire Love Egg Review

As I’ve probably said in the past, Desire is Lovehoney’s luxury brand. It’s very LELO-esque, which stands to reason given that someone from LELO had a hand in their design. There’s a bit of everything available, from clit vibes to cock rings to wands, all of them rechargeable. The most recent piece I got my paws on is the Lovehoney Desire Love Egg with Remote Control.

Lovehoney Desire Love Egg Review, image showing the black and purple packaging of the Desire range, with white text and an image of the purple toy on the front panel

I will admit that in picking this piece for review, I was taking an intentional gamble. See, if there’s one other type of sex toy that I sometimes struggle to enjoy it’s the love egg. I’ve had successes, sure, but the majority I’ve tried have been rubbish. Reason being, I just can’t feel them inside of me, and if I can the sensation is so weak as to be pointless. I had high hopes for the Lovehoney Desire Love Egg, though. But was I just letting myself be blinded because it’s from a brand I like? Continue reading “Lovehoney Desire Love Egg Review”

Icicles No 76 Rose Butt Plug Review

So far, it seems to be the year of favourite brands here at Scandarella. I’ve written about a bunch of dildos by brands I love and the odd vibe, and now it’s time for some butt stuff. Love Pipedream or hate ‘em, it’s hard to deny that their Icicles line is chock full of gorgeous things. In time for Valentine’s Day, my lovely sponsor, Forbidden Pleasures sent me a piece that I’ve coveted for some time. The appropriately romantic Icicles No 76 Rose Butt Plug.

Icicles No 76 Rose Butt Plug Review, image showing the plug's packaging, white with Icicles in black text and a picture of the toy on the front panel

Now, the first thing I need to tell y’all about the Icicles No 76 is that it’s tiny. Not the overall plug, but the insertable part. At 2” long with a circumference of 3.75”, it’s pretty much the same size as my big toe. See, I told ya, it’s really very small. If you’ve read any of my reviews before, you know that it’s far too little to do much of anything for my butt. And if you’re used to stuffing yours with anything bigger than a thumb, it probably won’t do much for you, either. Continue reading “Icicles No 76 Rose Butt Plug Review”

Blush Novelties Hop Trix Rabbit Review

When I checked out my review pile to see what I had going on, I spied something that made my wee heart sink. It was like, DA-DA-DAAAAA! A bloody rabbit. Honestly, after my last one, I decided that I’m so not here for rabbit vibes. Fighting to ensure that all my hotspots get the attention they deserve got a bit irritating. Why do it to myself when there’s a shit ton of sex toys out there that wanna rock my world. But, there the Blush Novelties Hop Trix Rabbit was, sat all rabbity and waiting for me to notice it, so out it came.

Blush Novelties Hop Trix Rabbit Review, image showing a purple and white rabbit vibrator through the plastic window in its purple and white packaging

The reason it sat there, being ignored, for several ages of men is all down to its size. Every time it caught my eye I thought, what a teeny, tiny, little bunny. The thing is, it’s actually a standard length both overall (7”) and insertable (4”). The reason I perceived it as being over small is its skinniness. At its widest point, the shaft is just 3.75”, at its thinnest, it’s 3”. That makes the external arm, which is 3,25”, thicker than the majority of the shaft. Continue reading “Blush Novelties Hop Trix Rabbit Review”

LELO Alia External Massager Review

If you ask anyone who is into sex toys to name a luxury brand, there’s a good chance they’ll say LELO. While they may have fallen out of favour in recent years, their products remain global best sellers. Personally, I’m a fan. I’ve enjoyed most of the products of theirs that have come my way, and I really hoped that my latest one, sent to me by my awesome sponsor Crimson Princess, would be another hit. Check out my thoughts on the LELO Insignia Alia to see how that went.

LELO Alia External Massager Review, image showing the Alia's black packaging with a picture of the purple toy on the front

One thing I don’t think I’ll ever be able to call fault with when it comes to LELO is their presentation. Their packaging is sleek, attractive, and useable. They provide everything you need to get started: lube sachet, a plugged pin charger that’s universal to all of their toys, and a storage bag. Oh, and a little code bearing card that lets you register your product and activate the 12-month warranty, 10-year quality guarantee. Continue reading “LELO Alia External Massager Review”

NU-Sensuelle Curve G-Spot Vibrator Review

It’s been far too long since I rummaged in my box of NU-Sensuelle goodies from Latex Leather & Lace, folks. I’ve been spoilt for choice, with all manner of shapes and sizes and types to choose from. So instead of making a considered selection like an adult would, I’ve slipped my hand in lucky dip style to choose which one to review next. And the winner is the NU-Sensuelle Curve G-Spot Vibrator.

NU-Sensuelle Curve G-Spot Vibrator review, purple silicone sex toy in its white plastic charging dock

As I’ve said in previous NU-Sensuelle reviews, I’m rather taken with this brand. Each product of theirs I’ve tried so far has impressed me with their decent vibes. I like that they’re body safe, I like that they’re rechargeable, this one in a cute little dock. One thing that strikes me as odd, though, is that they’re not even splash-proof. These days, water resistance should be a standard feature in all sex toys, considering how essential thorough cleaning is. Not to mention the fact that many vibrators are used on a body part that goes through various stages of being wet. Do not get the base (where the magnetic charging pins are) wet is just…yeah. Continue reading “NU-Sensuelle Curve G-Spot Vibrator Review”

Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator Review

Way back in the summer of 2014, I wrote my first ever sex toy review for Lovehoney. My reviewing skills sucked hard, but I stuck at it and quickly realised that I loved trying new things and writing about my experiences. Fast forward to winter 2019 and I’m still reviewing for Lovehoney, but instead of doing it on their site I’m doing it on mine. Next week I’ll be writing about a love egg from one of their luxury lines, but this week it’s all about the Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator.

Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator Review, image showing the purple and grey packaging of the Desire line

This piece is a revamped version of a Desire classic, and my thoughts on the original can be found here. Spoiler alert, it ain’t pretty. I couldn’t get the satisfaction I needed from the OG Desire Clit Vibe. It left me wanting and I didn’t rate it highly at all. Don’t let that put you off reading this review, though, cos things have changed. And I don’t just mean with the toy. Continue reading “Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator Review”

You2Toys Bendy Vibrators Review

A couple of months ago, Orion Versand launched a new line of vibrators under their well-known You2Toys brand. Comprising of five black silicone vibrators, all of them different in shape, the You2Toys Bendy Vibrators range looks slick and pretty. I was given the opportunity to pick two to review. While the Wavy, Tulip, and Ripple Clit shapes are all appealing to the eye, I plumped for the standard Ripple and the Flower in the end.

You2Toys Bendy Vibrators review, image showing the white and black packaging of the Ripple vibrator

I was excited for these products to arrive. Big brands like We-Vibe and Womanizer are always exciting to try, but I usually know going in that I’m gonna like what I find. That’s why I was so shocked when this piece did little more than infuriate me. But brands like You2Toys are so vast and offer so many different kinds of products, I never know how it’s gonna go. But so far, I’ve been mostly impressed. Continue reading “You2Toys Bendy Vibrators Review”

Santa Monica Starlet Pulsating Rabbit Review

It’s time for me to be honest with myself, folks. I’ve been in denial for years, but it’s time for me to accept that I am never gonna find my perfect rabbit vibe cos it just (probably) doesn’t exist. I’ve come close a couple of times, but to me, the holy grail of rabbits would be one that I can use as a standalone toy without intervention from my fingers or too much strain on my wrists. When I saw its special feature, I really did think the Santa Monica Starlet by California Exotics might be in with a chance. But after the lovely SheVibe sent it to me for review, I quickly learnt that I was wrong.

Santa Monica Starlet Pulsating Rabbit Review, image of a light blue rabbit vibrator in purple and black packaging

On the face of it, it’s a really lovely little vibe. It has all the basic features that I expect to see in vibrators of any price point. It’s USB rechargeable, waterproof, and its outer layer of smooth, silky silicone makes it body safe. Continue reading “Santa Monica Starlet Pulsating Rabbit Review”

Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior Review

If you’re a reader of Scandarella erotica, you might have picked up on something quite personal about me. As well as my love for the spooky and macabre, I really get off on writing the profane. The blasphemous. For some reason, I adore picking bits of scripture and warping them, taking religious imagery and sexing it the fuck up. So it feels super on-brand of me to be reviewing a dildo in the shape of a nun. Yep, the lovely folks from SheVibe have given me a shot at the Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior and it is magnificent.

I’m not gonna lie, I was initially drawn to this shapely piece of sacrilege purely because of how it looks. It’s tongue in cheek at best, downright blasphemous at worst, and therefore fully awesome in my opinion. When the Fella first saw it, he laughed uncomfortably and said, “Oh my God, that’s so offensive.” I mean, not no. But this coming from a guy who stood behind me while I watched porn full of priest-on-nun action… it just reeks of hypocrisy and I’m having nun of it. Lol. News just in, my pun game is weak. Continue reading “Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior Review”