Hankey’s Toys Seahorse Dildo

Have you ever had someone tell you that your eyes are bigger than your belly? Kinda makes you blush, right? Well, imagine how red my cheeks went when the Fella took one look at the Hankey’s Toys Seahorse Dildo and suggested that I had eyes bigger than my cunt.

Hankey's Toys Seahorse Dildo Review - metallic green textured toy on dark green background

Why’d I blush? Cos it was never my intention that such a massive toy would fit through my front door. I blushed when I had to explain that I was bringing it in through the back. I’ve had to take a few jokey comments about how big my arsehole must be after past reviews. I’ve been asked how I manage to hold my shit in (I mean, who the fuck asks a question like that, though?!). So, given all of that, I was momentarily sensitive about my penchant for big assed dildos. Continue reading “Hankey’s Toys Seahorse Dildo” →

Tantus Steam Hunk Super Soft Dildo

Is steampunk your aesthetic? Do wires, nuts and bolts get your motor running? Does the idea of filthy exploration in a far-flung space station make you long for lift-off? Or, do you just love getting your orifices around a good, chunky dong? If you say aye to any of those things, you need a Tantus Steam Hunk Super Soft Dildo in your life.

Copper Coloured Tantus Steam Hunk front side view on cream background

You may or may not know that Tantus reigns supreme at the top of my fave dildo makers list.  In my last Tantus review (this one) I said that the day had to be coming where I tried a dildo of theirs that I didn’t like. Today is not that day. Continue reading “Tantus Steam Hunk Super Soft Dildo” →

Fun Factory Bück Dich

What happens when one of your favourite sex toy brands gives a nod to one of your favourite metal bands? The Fun Factory Bück Dich, that’s what. Yep, in homage to their fellow German icon, industrial metal band Rammstein, Fun Factory has brought us one of the most spectacular spankable-insertables ever.

Translated from German into English, Bück Dich means ‘bend over’ and it’s the title of one of Rammstein’s songs. Give it a listen (and read the translation if you, like me, don’t speak German) and you’ll see that it was made to be given the kinky toy treatment. Continue reading “Fun Factory Bück Dich” →

Lovehoney Lifelike Lover 8″ Silicone Dildo

As regular Scandarella readers will probably know, I love big ol’ dildos. I love to have ‘em big in every direction and I absolutely adore enormous fantasy stuff. But sometimes, when lying in bed alone in the middle of the night, I don’t want to be hefting pounds of silicone around and giving my arms a wanky workout. I want simple, light, realistic, and hard. The toy that’s been satisfying those needs for me in recent weeks is the Lovehoney Lifelike Lover 8” Silicone Dildo.

By fuck, is this thing pink. It’s so bright it has a frigging aura. I’ve said many times that pink is a boring colour for sex toys, but these days I think that this 80s-esque neon is actually kinda cool. I’ve got some bold colours on my dildo shelves but this one has to be the most eye-catching. Continue reading “Lovehoney Lifelike Lover 8″ Silicone Dildo” →

Vixen Creations Gee Whizzard

When it comes to non-fantasy silicone dildos, my trifecta of favourite brands is Tantus, Fun Factory, and Vixen Creations. Each one offers something different, whether it be size, shape, or simplicity. As a rule, it’s the ultra-realistic Vixskin I look for when checking out Vixen’s wares. I love that stuff so much, it’s the most realistic feeling silicone I’ve tried to date. But Vixskin isn’t all Vixen have to offer, though. They still make toys in their ‘original formula’ silicone, and that’s what this gorgeous Vixen Creations Gee Whizzard is made of.

I’ve wanted to get my hands on one of these bad boys for ages, so was past myself with excitement when the very lovely Carolyn from Betty’s Toy Box offered to send me one for review. See, I’m one of those less than sensible people who insert their Doxy into their vagina on occasion. I don’t endorse the practice cos it ain’t good for the wand and it’s only fun until you have to take it back out again, but I won’t lie and say it doesn’t feel incredible. Continue reading “Vixen Creations Gee Whizzard” →

Mr Hankey’s BFG XL Dildo

The thing I adore most about fantasy dildos is how different one is from the next. Realistic dongs are much of a muchness, differing only when it comes to size, but fantasy ones? There’s pretty much no limit to their designs, and they’re available in almost any size that takes a person’s fancy. Just yesterday I reviewed a smallish, beautifully coloured dragon dildo. And today? Today I’m at the other end of the scale, reviewing the coal black behemoth that is the Mr Hankey’s BFG.

When I told the Fella I had a toy called the BFG on its way he rolled his eyes and said, “Big Friendly Giant?” I put my hands about two feet apart and replied, “Nope. Big Fucking Genital.” Ha, you should have seen his face. The sizes of the dildos I lust after now make him so nervous, poor lad. So much so he didn’t even want to look at the toys in my Mr Hankey’s package when it arrived. Continue reading “Mr Hankey’s BFG XL Dildo” →

Bad Dragon Meng

Alert! Alert! This review contains images of what could possibly be the cutest dildo ever poured. In my opinion, of course. But once you get a close up look at the Bad Dragon Meng I reckon you’ll have to agree that it’s one of the finest dildo designs you’re ever likely to see. Cos it ain’t just a silicone dragon dick. No, sir, it’s a silicone dick that’s a dragon. Like, a head to tail, claws and all dragon. Bloody marvellous!

Am I gonna gush all the way through this review? Probably. See, I’m one of ‘those’ people. The ones who live 98% of their lives lost in some fantasy novel, movie, TV show or another. Fantasy and mythological creatures fascinate me, be they mermaids, unicorns, vamps, ghosts or ghoulies. But there’s a special place in my heart for dragons (and vamps and mermaids) and I fucking love that places like Bad Dragon exist cos their wares have allowed me to bring one of my favourite creatures into my bedroom. Continue reading “Bad Dragon Meng” →

Lovehoney Desire Steel Dildo – Beaded

I’ve made no secret of the fact that some of my favourite sex toys are inexpensive glass dildos from Lovehoney. I’ve got loads of them, but only two live on my bedside table. One of them is a curved affair with beads that gradually increase in size until they reach a big, bulbous base. Even after three and a half years I still love it, so when I saw that Lovehoney had echoed the design in steel I couldn’t refuse the chance to review it. So now, I’m bringing you my thoughts on the Lovehoney Desire Steel Dildo.

As part of Lovehoney’s premium line, the Desire Steel Dildo is beautifully presented. All there is to the packaging is a simple outer sleeve that covers an even simpler hard-card presentation box that doubles as a storage solution, but it’s lovely and super giftable. Continue reading “Lovehoney Desire Steel Dildo – Beaded” →

Vain Toys Mister Vain Dildo

If you’ve been around blogs, sex toy Twitter, or sex shop forums, you’ve probably been asked the following question; if you could only use one type of toy for the rest of your life, what would it be? I used to hesitate when faced with this query, but not now. Now I pretty much scream DILDOS then go on a panicked dildo buying spree. I love all kinds of dildos, but the best kind are the ones that are made especially for me. Colours, sizes, firmness, vac-u-lock holes, cumtubes, suction cups… It’s all customisable and bloody wonderful. The latest ‘made for me’ dildo to join my collection is the glorious Mister Vain Dildo by Vain Toys.

Vain Toys is a young, Denmark based company that makes lovely silicone dildos and butt plugs in a huge array of colours. Every step of the process, from sketching to pouring, is done in-house. While the shapes and sizes of each piece are non-negotiable, the rest is up to the customer. Once I’d made my choices, I had my dildo in my grabby hands within probably a week and a half. Speedy, and discreetly packaged, too. Continue reading “Vain Toys Mister Vain Dildo” →

Blush Novelties Real Nude Ergo Mini

After I reviewed the Real Nude Suko by Blush Novelties way back when Scandarella was in its infancy, I vowed that I’d try another piece from the line someday. At the time, I hadn’t experienced anything quite as squishy or real feeling. Even now, with a bunch of super realistic Vixskin in my collection, I still have a soft spot for my Suko. That’s why, when Too Timid offered me the chance to review the Real Nude Ergo Mini, I couldn’t say no.

Real Nude is Blush Novelties’ dual density silicone line. Lovely, semi-realistic dildos with a firm core and a soft, pliable outer layer. The way the squishy stuff yields when squeezed, just for the hand (or orifice of your choice, of course) to meet the resistance of the inner core really does feel like squeezing an actual penis. Well, in my opinion, it does. It really does feel like skin being pressed into erectile tissue to me. Continue reading “Blush Novelties Real Nude Ergo Mini” →