Uberrime Xenuphora Tentacle Dildo Review

If you’re a lover of Hentai you’re basically spoilt for choice at Uberrime. I mean, most places that make fantasy sex toys have a tentacle somewhere in their catalogue, but Uberrime has a whole family of them. Like em little and chunky? Check out the Tentare for Tango bullet sleeve, which is a perfectly respectable insertable size for those who like it shallow. Prefer them long and slim? Have a look at the Xenusoid. But if you’re after a middling length, beautifully textured piece, then the Uberrime Xenuphora might be the one for you.

Scandarella's Uberrime Xenuphora Tentacle Dildo Review, image of a sparkly white silicone tentacle with blue and orange colour splashes

While the other tentacle toys in this wee line fit very well within Uberrime’s intended sci-fi theme, the Xenuphora has more of an oceanic vibe to it. With its stingray shaped tip and its coral-esque base, it really does sing to me of the sea. Continue reading “Uberrime Xenuphora Tentacle Dildo Review”

Blush Novelties Ruse D Thang Dildo Review

One of my favourite ‘Big Brands’ is Blush Novelties. I’ve been lucky enough to try many of their products over the last few years. Squishies from the Real Nude line. Adorable plugs from the Play with Me line. And a few lovely pieces from the Ruse line, the first of which was the Blush Novelties Ruse D Thang Dildo.

Blush Novelties Ruse D Thang Dildo Review, image showing a slim, pink dildo inside of its black and multi-coloured packaging

The first thing anyone who can see colour is gonna notice about the D Thang is how pink its silicone is. Ye gods, it’s shocking. Neon pink. Nuclear pink. So pink it almost glows in broad frigging daylight. If you love pink you’re laughing, but if not, well…you don’t have to look at it once it’s between your legs unless you really want to. Personally, I like it. I’m not always a pink person, but when I am I get a kick out of how violent this shade actually is. Continue reading “Blush Novelties Ruse D Thang Dildo Review”

Paloqueth Ultra Realistic Dual Density Dildo Review

In the not too distant past, if I was ever asked about my ‘desert island sex toy’ I would toggle between the Njoy Pure Wand and the Doxy. Both awesome and equally deserving of a lifetime partnership with me in paradise. But more recently, my answer to that question isn’t so specific. In fact, it’s generic, cos all I’ll say is ‘a dildo’. Long story short, I frigging love dildos. Big ones, little ones, realistic ones, far out fantasy ones, they’re my absolute favourite type of sex toy. But when I approached the Paloqueth Ultra Realistic Dual Density Dildo it was with a critical eye, because, Paloqueth who?

Paloqueth Ultra Realistic Dual Density Dildo Review, image of a caucasian skin-toned realistic dildo on a black background

No, I’d never heard of Paloqueth before they rocked up in my emails looking for reviewers. When I first looked at their stuff, I admit to doing a little harrumph and disregarding their dildos as mislabelled rubber and their vibes as subpar white label rubbish. I won’t hide anything from y’all, lovely readers, the reason I ended up with this dildo and a bondage kit of theirs was cos they paid me to review them. Continue reading “Paloqueth Ultra Realistic Dual Density Dildo Review”

Uberrime Jellyfish Glow in the Dark Dildo Review

Last week, I wrote a review that about a sex toy that makes all my alien impregnation fantasies come true. Today, I’m all about a dildo from one of my fave toy makers. A dildo that transports me to one of my ultimate fantasy settings…under da sea! Exclusively available at SheVibe, it’s the Uberrime Jellyfish Glow in the Dark Dildo.

Uberrime Jellyfish Glow in the Dark Dildo Review, image showing a blue and purple silicone semi-realistic dildo with a heavily veined shaft and smooth head

As I’ve said many a time, I love Uberrime to the moon and back. Their designs are beautiful, unusual, and arousing, and they produce some stunning colour combos. They have a few SheVibe exclusives on the go, all of them aquatic in nature and all very much on my ‘I gotta hit it’ hitlist. You can get yo’self some Aquaman action with the Aqua King, take on a tantalising Tentacle, or, as I have, you can get jiggy with the Jellyfish. Continue reading “Uberrime Jellyfish Glow in the Dark Dildo Review”

Primal Hardwere G’lorp Ovipositor Review

A couple of years ago, I stumbled across an online video of a pretty gal using a floppy, hollow dildo to shove a clutch of jelly eggs up in her own vagina. Once she’d crammed half a dozen of them in there, she squatted and laid ‘em on her bathroom floor. I’m not gonna lie, the sight of those little wibbly balls splodging on the lino made me nauseous. But times they do a-change. Fast forward to now and here I am, rolling up my sleeves and settling in to tell y’all how much I fucking adore my Primal Hardwere G’lorp Ovipositor.

Primal Hardwere G'lorp Ovipositor Review, image showing a red textured silicone dildo with a black multi-tentacled base on a dark green background

Primal Hardwere is silicone sex toy maker in the US and they produce some pretty awesome stuff. Their niche isn’t dragons or merfolk, though, and it isn’t orcs or demons either. Nope, they cater to those who find their fetishes in the world of animals (yes, I do mean the canids and the equine) and in science fiction. Their G’lorp Ovipositor falls in the latter category.

So, first off, what is an ovipositor? Well, in nature it’s a tube through which some creepy crawlies and little fishies lay their eggs. A quick read up (cheers, Wikipedia!) informs me that some insects use their ovipositor to simply attach their eggs to a surface, but others use it to pierce or burrow in order to deposit their load inside of something… Continue reading “Primal Hardwere G’lorp Ovipositor Review”

Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior Review

If you’re a reader of Scandarella erotica, you might have picked up on something quite personal about me. As well as my love for the spooky and macabre, I really get off on writing the profane. The blasphemous. For some reason, I adore picking bits of scripture and warping them, taking religious imagery and sexing it the fuck up. So it feels super on-brand of me to be reviewing a dildo in the shape of a nun. Yep, the lovely folks from SheVibe have given me a shot at the Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior and it is magnificent.

I’m not gonna lie, I was initially drawn to this shapely piece of sacrilege purely because of how it looks. It’s tongue in cheek at best, downright blasphemous at worst, and therefore fully awesome in my opinion. When the Fella first saw it, he laughed uncomfortably and said, “Oh my God, that’s so offensive.” I mean, not no. But this coming from a guy who stood behind me while I watched porn full of priest-on-nun action… it just reeks of hypocrisy and I’m having nun of it. Lol. News just in, my pun game is weak. Continue reading “Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior Review”

Uberrime Helios Dildo Review

It’s Uberrime time! I love this brand so much, folks. How much? Top five brands ever much. I have a handful of their products in my review queue (all of them stunning) and the first pick out of that box for the new year is the Uberrime Helios Dildo.

Uberrime Helios Dildo Review, image showing an orange, white and black ribbed dildo and a white thank you card, on a black background

Okay, I kinda lied there. I didn’t take the Helios out of my review box cos it’s never been in it. Nope, it’s lived in my ‘quick grab’ cupboard because when I want it I want it, I don’t want to have to rummage.

After 5 years of cramming stuff into my cunt and then writing about it, I’ve become very finely attuned to what does and doesn’t work for me. I know that if I don’t have a curve, I like a bulbous tip. If I don’t have texture, I like girth, and that I like more length than I can take so that I have something to hold on to. And the Uberrime Helios ticks all my boxes in the best of ways. Continue reading “Uberrime Helios Dildo Review”

Split Peaches Rivetor Dildo Review

Do you have a nemesis? Is there someone or something out there that is the Joker to your Batman, the Loki to your Thor, the Doofenshmirtz to your Perry the frigging platypus? Well, today I’m gonna introduce you to mine. Folks, meet the Split Peaches Rivetor that the lovely bods at Betty’s Toy Box kindly sent my way. The dildo that, for a while there, had me convinced that my vagina had finally met its match.

Split Peaches Rivetor Dildo Review, image showing a large, curved, studded rainbow dildo with a nut shaped base, on a black background

Yeah, I really struggled to get on with this one. I wailed and moaned, bitched and whinged, but for a long while I just couldn’t figure out how to even get it in me without bringing tears to my own eyes. And do you know what caused it? Damn, never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever find myself typing these words, but it was the texture. Let me explain… Continue reading “Split Peaches Rivetor Dildo Review”

Bad Dragon Apollo Dildo Review

If you’re into fantasy dildos, especially those inspired by winged serpents that breathe fire, you’ll probably know all about Bad Dragon. They’re the creators of some of the most stunning dildos I’ve ever gazed upon. About half a year ago, I reviewed what could possibly be the most gorgeous Bad Dragon dildo I’m ever likely to come all over across. Now, after a lot of practice, it’s time to review its travel companion, and they’re about as different as two dildos can get. Yeah, it’s time for me to tell y’all what I think of my rather large Bad Dragon Apollo.

Bad Dragon Apollo Dildo Review, image of a large silicone dildo in a metallic gold to copper fade, with dragon scales, a large knot,, and a scaled base

Quite simply, I love it. I love everything about it. Its shape, its design, its colour. And, after some trial and error, I learned to love its size. See, as I said in my last review, picking dildo sizes while even remotely horny is a shitty idea. But I really can’t help myself. Whenever I’m faced with size options I go in thinking, know your limits, Ella, but as soon as it comes down to it I’m like, FILL ME WITH THE BIGGEST BASTARD YOU HAVE AVAILABLE!! Which is exactly what I did when I did my custom picks for the Bad Dragon Apollo. Continue reading “Bad Dragon Apollo Dildo Review”

Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo Review

It’s Scandarella’s Big Dong Day! The day of my reviewing year that’s dedicated to big, bold silicone dicks. In 2017 I gushed about this creepy number, and last year things got a wee bit magical. This year? This year I’m playing around with massive myths, with not one but two dragon dildo reviews going live this week. The first of the two is the delicious Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo.

Mr Hankey's Dragon Dildo Review, image of a huge green silicone dildo with small scales and large amroured plated on a black glittery background

I’m no stranger to Hankey’s Toys, having reviewed their BFG and Seahorse dildos during 2018 while having the Dragon and one other dong (review coming soon!) waiting in the wings for this year. And do you know what? They’ve never failed to impress me. From first communication to delivery, every aspect of my Hankey’s experience has been positive. They’re a friendly bunch and super accommodating, which is a good thing given that they run a customisation service. Continue reading “Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo Review”