Want to know what’s hot? Watching someone getting pounded by a fucking machine while you masturbate at the other side of the room. Want to know what the Fella would never do? Go anywhere near ‘that bloody hacksaw, jack hammer motherfucker’ with his butt. Reason being, all of the dildos we have to fit are biggun’s. That combined with the sheer power of the machine proved too intimidating for him.
I truly was gutted, because watching him being mastered by the machine has been a fantasy of mine since the day I got it, but it was starting to look like one of those fantasies that would never be realised. Then I received an email from Sh! Womenstore, and I decided it was fate when a teeny tiny vibrating silicone dildo with a bullet hole base winked at me from the screen. It was the pretty in pink Wirly Girly 2 Slim Vibrating Dildo.
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Nine times out of ten, whenever I have a sex toy delivery – be it a purchase or for review – I’ll have a quick gush or whine about the packaging then I’ll be into the box, all of my attention focused on whatever it is that lies inside. But when it came to the Persian Palm Caterina it was a different story entirely.
Persian Palm is a Tuscan ceramic sex toy company run by a duo of artisans, Eva and Luana. Ceramics are a big thing in their city, which is the home of majolica ceramics. I love that Persian Palm have taken inspiration from a tradition of their home and introduced it and themselves to one of the most booming industries of our day; the sex toy industry.
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When I was offered the chance to review the Cheeky-Boy Intense from Rocks Off, I pounced on it with absolutely no grace whatsoever. Not only would the Fella’s butt be in for a treat, but as it’s powered by the Ignition bullet (which I’ve coveted for ages) my clit would be getting a lil’ attention too, and there was no way would I let myself miss out on that.
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Splish splash, I was takin’ a bath…
Actually that’s a lie, I wasn’t taking a bath at all, but I do sing that song every time I take the Tantus Splash for a ride, without fail. What’s more, I’m so completely certain that I’m going to love every second of what comes after I start singing, the song kinda turns me on a bit whenever I hear it.
I’m about to write a sentence that most definitely isn’t a lie. It isn’t even an exaggeration. What it is, is a pretty bold statement that many people at my stage of blogging might not feel ready to make.
The Tantus Splash is my favourite dildo!
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Some girls get roses for Valentine’s Day, and some get chocolates, but me? I get sex toys! I’d been whining on about wanting a second We-Vibe Tango, so that I always had one charged for when the one I was using inevitably died on me, and after getting a link from a good friend, the Fella bought me… The We-Vibe Pleasure Mates Collection!
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Aside from the obvious (ie, penis sleeves) we don’t really have toys “for men” in our house, and we don’t have toys “for women” either. We have toys for orgasms, and whichever of us a toy works for is the one who uses it. When Lovehoney sent me the LELO Hugo Remote Controlled Prostate Massager in exchange for an honest review, I was delighted.
There was a lot of talk when the Lelo Hugo and Bruno prostate massagers appeared for sale there, and a lot of that talk was from women asking, would that work for me? I was one of those women. I got lucky enough to receive the toy, and I didn’t waste any time in finding out.
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I really like steel sex toys, and the idea of having smooth, metally coolness up my butt does funny things to my warped little mind, so when I spotted these Heavy Metal Anal Beads, I snapped them up. But I’ve avoided reviewing them, just like I’ve avoided using them until this past few weeks.
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Dust. Dust, debris, lint and cat hair. Be aware that all of these things feature in this review.
My first foray into butt jiggles came in the form of Fun Factory’s B Balls. I fell in love with the sensation, but as is the way in this day and age, I eventually wanted bigger. I wanted something that would offer more of a stretch, but would also provide those titillating tickles I’ve grown to adore. Although I did find a jiggly dildo that is ace for anal, I never found a wearable plug that gave the same feeling.
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In general, I’m not a fan of plain old up and down dildos. I like texture. I like bumps, nubs and ridges or pronounced curves, because I like to be able to feel what I’m being fucked with rather than just having a vague sensation of something moving in and out of wherever it’s being put. But I bought the Tantus Silk (large) because… Tantus. That’s the only reason I need. That and the fact that it was a Grab Bag, meaning I was in for a lucky dip colour and a lot of bang for my buck.
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