Way back in the summer of 2014, I wrote my first ever sex toy review for Lovehoney. My reviewing skills sucked hard, but I stuck at it and quickly realised that I loved trying new things and writing about my experiences. Fast forward to winter 2019 and I’m still reviewing for Lovehoney, but instead of doing it on their site I’m doing it on mine. Next week I’ll be writing about a love egg from one of their luxury lines, but this week it’s all about the Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator.
This piece is a revamped version of a Desire classic, and my thoughts on the original can be found here. Spoiler alert, it ain’t pretty. I couldn’t get the satisfaction I needed from the OG Desire Clit Vibe. It left me wanting and I didn’t rate it highly at all. Don’t let that put you off reading this review, though, cos things have changed. And I don’t just mean with the toy. Continue reading “Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator Review”
A couple of months ago, Orion Versand launched a new line of vibrators under their well-known You2Toys brand. Comprising of five black silicone vibrators, all of them different in shape, the You2Toys Bendy Vibrators range looks slick and pretty. I was given the opportunity to pick two to review. While the Wavy, Tulip, and Ripple Clit shapes are all appealing to the eye, I plumped for the standard Ripple and the Flower in the end.
I was excited for these products to arrive. Big brands like We-Vibe and Womanizer are always exciting to try, but I usually know going in that I’m gonna like what I find. That’s why I was so shocked when this piece did little more than infuriate me. But brands like You2Toys are so vast and offer so many different kinds of products, I never know how it’s gonna go. But so far, I’ve been mostly impressed. Continue reading “You2Toys Bendy Vibrators Review”
It’s time for me to be honest with myself, folks. I’ve been in denial for years, but it’s time for me to accept that I am never gonna find my perfect rabbit vibe cos it just (probably) doesn’t exist. I’ve come close a couple of times, but to me, the holy grail of rabbits would be one that I can use as a standalone toy without intervention from my fingers or too much strain on my wrists. When I saw its special feature, I really did think the Santa Monica Starlet by California Exotics might be in with a chance. But after the lovely SheVibe sent it to me for review, I quickly learnt that I was wrong.
On the face of it, it’s a really lovely little vibe. It has all the basic features that I expect to see in vibrators of any price point. It’s USB rechargeable, waterproof, and its outer layer of smooth, silky silicone makes it body safe. Continue reading “Santa Monica Starlet Pulsating Rabbit Review”
If you’re a reader of Scandarella erotica, you might have picked up on something quite personal about me. As well as my love for the spooky and macabre, I really get off on writing the profane. The blasphemous. For some reason, I adore picking bits of scripture and warping them, taking religious imagery and sexing it the fuck up. So it feels super on-brand of me to be reviewing a dildo in the shape of a nun. Yep, the lovely folks from SheVibe have given me a shot at the Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior and it is magnificent.
I’m not gonna lie, I was initially drawn to this shapely piece of sacrilege purely because of how it looks. It’s tongue in cheek at best, downright blasphemous at worst, and therefore fully awesome in my opinion. When the Fella first saw it, he laughed uncomfortably and said, “Oh my God, that’s so offensive.” I mean, not no. But this coming from a guy who stood behind me while I watched porn full of priest-on-nun action… it just reeks of hypocrisy and I’m having nun of it. Lol. News just in, my pun game is weak. Continue reading “Hole Punch Toys Mother Interior Review”
It’s Uberrime time! I love this brand so much, folks. How much? Top five brands ever much. I have a handful of their products in my review queue (all of them stunning) and the first pick out of that box for the new year is the Uberrime Helios Dildo.
Okay, I kinda lied there. I didn’t take the Helios out of my review box cos it’s never been in it. Nope, it’s lived in my ‘quick grab’ cupboard because when I want it I want it, I don’t want to have to rummage.
After 5 years of cramming stuff into my cunt and then writing about it, I’ve become very finely attuned to what does and doesn’t work for me. I know that if I don’t have a curve, I like a bulbous tip. If I don’t have texture, I like girth, and that I like more length than I can take so that I have something to hold on to. And the Uberrime Helios ticks all my boxes in the best of ways. Continue reading “Uberrime Helios Dildo Review”
Do you have a nemesis? Is there someone or something out there that is the Joker to your Batman, the Loki to your Thor, the Doofenshmirtz to your Perry the frigging platypus? Well, today I’m gonna introduce you to mine. Folks, meet the Split Peaches Rivetor that the lovely bods at Betty’s Toy Box kindly sent my way. The dildo that, for a while there, had me convinced that my vagina had finally met its match.
Yeah, I really struggled to get on with this one. I wailed and moaned, bitched and whinged, but for a long while I just couldn’t figure out how to even get it in me without bringing tears to my own eyes. And do you know what caused it? Damn, never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever find myself typing these words, but it was the texture. Let me explain… Continue reading “Split Peaches Rivetor Dildo Review”
If you’re into fantasy dildos, especially those inspired by winged serpents that breathe fire, you’ll probably know all about Bad Dragon. They’re the creators of some of the most stunning dildos I’ve ever gazed upon. About half a year ago, I reviewed what could possibly be the most gorgeous Bad Dragon dildo I’m ever likely to come all over across. Now, after a lot of practice, it’s time to review its travel companion, and they’re about as different as two dildos can get. Yeah, it’s time for me to tell y’all what I think of my rather large Bad Dragon Apollo.
Quite simply, I love it. I love everything about it. Its shape, its design, its colour. And, after some trial and error, I learned to love its size. See, as I said in my last review, picking dildo sizes while even remotely horny is a shitty idea. But I really can’t help myself. Whenever I’m faced with size options I go in thinking, know your limits, Ella, but as soon as it comes down to it I’m like, FILL ME WITH THE BIGGEST BASTARD YOU HAVE AVAILABLE!! Which is exactly what I did when I did my custom picks for the Bad Dragon Apollo. Continue reading “Bad Dragon Apollo Dildo Review”
It’s Scandarella’s Big Dong Day! The day of my reviewing year that’s dedicated to big, bold silicone dicks. In 2017 I gushed about this creepy number, and last year things got a wee bit magical. This year? This year I’m playing around with massive myths, with not one but two dragon dildo reviews going live this week. The first of the two is the delicious Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo.
I’m no stranger to Hankey’s Toys, having reviewed their BFG and Seahorse dildos during 2018 while having the Dragon and one other dong (review coming soon!) waiting in the wings for this year. And do you know what? They’ve never failed to impress me. From first communication to delivery, every aspect of my Hankey’s experience has been positive. They’re a friendly bunch and super accommodating, which is a good thing given that they run a customisation service. Continue reading “Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo Review”
As much as I love my tried and true favourite brands, I’m always extra excited when I get to review a product from a brand that’s completely new to me. See, if I’m trying something from, say, Fun Factory, I know that there’s a 99% chance that I’m gonna love it. But if it’s something completely new, like the rather lovely looking Kama Sutra Rhythm Natya, I go in with no expectations whatsoever. And to a time served sex toy reviewer, that’s a thrilling feeling.
Okay, I know that some folks see packaging as little more than the stuff that protected their goods in the post, but I’m one of those people who is easily dazzled by pretty things. I loathe nasty clamshell cases and flimsy, titty covered cardboard boxes that tear when I try to open them. What I like is tasteful, informative (throwaway) sleeves that clearly show me what I’m getting. And I like hard, sturdy, boxes that I can store my toys in. Basically, I like to be impressed at first sight, and that’s exactly what happened with the Kama Sutra Rhythm Natya. Continue reading “Kama Sutra Rhythm Natya Review”
Anal hooks. I’ve been wanting to try one of these bad boys for ages, but I kept on putting it off. I’m not even 100% sure why cos I’m usually the type that’s all about new sensations. Whatever it was that made me overlook them whenever the opportunity to snag one arose, I wasn’t ever able to shake the feeling that I needed to know how wearing one would feel. Whether it would add or detract from our play. Well, thanks to Honour sending me their HNRX Bondage Anal Hook for review, I now know.
When I first whipped it out of its black cloth bag my initial thought was, Judas Priest, look at the length of that frigging handle! Including the ring (but excluding the ball) and following the curve, the hook measures 15-inches. Now, I’ve got some mammoth insertables, so this centimetre-thick piece of metal shouldn’t have freaked me out. But it did. It was the good kind of freaked out that gets a bod all tingly and excited, but I will admit that it made me nervous. Continue reading “HNRX Bondage Anal Hook Review”