LELO Alia External Massager Review

If you ask anyone who is into sex toys to name a luxury brand, there’s a good chance they’ll say LELO. While they may have fallen out of favour in recent years, their products remain global best sellers. Personally, I’m a fan. I’ve enjoyed most of the products of theirs that have come my way, and I really hoped that my latest one, sent to me by my awesome sponsor Crimson Princess, would be another hit. Check out my thoughts on the LELO Insignia Alia to see how that went.

LELO Alia External Massager Review, image showing the Alia's black packaging with a picture of the purple toy on the front

One thing I don’t think I’ll ever be able to call fault with when it comes to LELO is their presentation. Their packaging is sleek, attractive, and useable. They provide everything you need to get started: lube sachet, a plugged pin charger that’s universal to all of their toys, and a storage bag. Oh, and a little code bearing card that lets you register your product and activate the 12-month warranty, 10-year quality guarantee. Continue reading “LELO Alia External Massager Review” →

NU-Sensuelle Curve G-Spot Vibrator Review

It’s been far too long since I rummaged in my box of NU-Sensuelle goodies from Latex Leather & Lace, folks. I’ve been spoilt for choice, with all manner of shapes and sizes and types to choose from. So instead of making a considered selection like an adult would, I’ve slipped my hand in lucky dip style to choose which one to review next. And the winner is the NU-Sensuelle Curve G-Spot Vibrator.

NU-Sensuelle Curve G-Spot Vibrator review, purple silicone sex toy in its white plastic charging dock

As I’ve said in previous NU-Sensuelle reviews, I’m rather taken with this brand. Each product of theirs I’ve tried so far has impressed me with their decent vibes. I like that they’re body safe, I like that they’re rechargeable, this one in a cute little dock. One thing that strikes me as odd, though, is that they’re not even splash-proof. These days, water resistance should be a standard feature in all sex toys, considering how essential thorough cleaning is. Not to mention the fact that many vibrators are used on a body part that goes through various stages of being wet. Do not get the base (where the magnetic charging pins are) wet is just…yeah. Continue reading “NU-Sensuelle Curve G-Spot Vibrator Review” →

Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator Review

Way back in the summer of 2014, I wrote my first ever sex toy review for Lovehoney. My reviewing skills sucked hard, but I stuck at it and quickly realised that I loved trying new things and writing about my experiences. Fast forward to winter 2019 and I’m still reviewing for Lovehoney, but instead of doing it on their site I’m doing it on mine. Next week I’ll be writing about a love egg from one of their luxury lines, but this week it’s all about the Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator.

Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator Review, image showing the purple and grey packaging of the Desire line

This piece is a revamped version of a Desire classic, and my thoughts on the original can be found here. Spoiler alert, it ain’t pretty. I couldn’t get the satisfaction I needed from the OG Desire Clit Vibe. It left me wanting and I didn’t rate it highly at all. Don’t let that put you off reading this review, though, cos things have changed. And I don’t just mean with the toy. Continue reading “Lovehoney Desire Studded Clitoral Vibrator Review” →

You2Toys Bendy Vibrators Review

A couple of months ago, Orion Versand launched a new line of vibrators under their well-known You2Toys brand. Comprising of five black silicone vibrators, all of them different in shape, the You2Toys Bendy Vibrators range looks slick and pretty. I was given the opportunity to pick two to review. While the Wavy, Tulip, and Ripple Clit shapes are all appealing to the eye, I plumped for the standard Ripple and the Flower in the end.

You2Toys Bendy Vibrators review, image showing the white and black packaging of the Ripple vibrator

I was excited for these products to arrive. Big brands like We-Vibe and Womanizer are always exciting to try, but I usually know going in that I’m gonna like what I find. That’s why I was so shocked when this piece did little more than infuriate me. But brands like You2Toys are so vast and offer so many different kinds of products, I never know how it’s gonna go. But so far, I’ve been mostly impressed. Continue reading “You2Toys Bendy Vibrators Review” →

Uberrime Helios Dildo Review

It’s Uberrime time! I love this brand so much, folks. How much? Top five brands ever much. I have a handful of their products in my review queue (all of them stunning) and the first pick out of that box for the new year is the Uberrime Helios Dildo.

Uberrime Helios Dildo Review, image showing an orange, white and black ribbed dildo and a white thank you card, on a black background

Okay, I kinda lied there. I didn’t take the Helios out of my review box cos it’s never been in it. Nope, it’s lived in my ‘quick grab’ cupboard because when I want it I want it, I don’t want to have to rummage.

After 5 years of cramming stuff into my cunt and then writing about it, I’ve become very finely attuned to what does and doesn’t work for me. I know that if I don’t have a curve, I like a bulbous tip. If I don’t have texture, I like girth, and that I like more length than I can take so that I have something to hold on to. And the Uberrime Helios ticks all my boxes in the best of ways. Continue reading “Uberrime Helios Dildo Review” →

Split Peaches Rivetor Dildo Review

Do you have a nemesis? Is there someone or something out there that is the Joker to your Batman, the Loki to your Thor, the Doofenshmirtz to your Perry the frigging platypus? Well, today I’m gonna introduce you to mine. Folks, meet the Split Peaches Rivetor that the lovely bods at Betty’s Toy Box kindly sent my way. The dildo that, for a while there, had me convinced that my vagina had finally met its match.

Split Peaches Rivetor Dildo Review, image showing a large, curved, studded rainbow dildo with a nut shaped base, on a black background

Yeah, I really struggled to get on with this one. I wailed and moaned, bitched and whinged, but for a long while I just couldn’t figure out how to even get it in me without bringing tears to my own eyes. And do you know what caused it? Damn, never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever find myself typing these words, but it was the texture. Let me explain… Continue reading “Split Peaches Rivetor Dildo Review” →

Bad Dragon Apollo Dildo Review

If you’re into fantasy dildos, especially those inspired by winged serpents that breathe fire, you’ll probably know all about Bad Dragon. They’re the creators of some of the most stunning dildos I’ve ever gazed upon. About half a year ago, I reviewed what could possibly be the most gorgeous Bad Dragon dildo I’m ever likely to come all over across. Now, after a lot of practice, it’s time to review its travel companion, and they’re about as different as two dildos can get. Yeah, it’s time for me to tell y’all what I think of my rather large Bad Dragon Apollo.

Bad Dragon Apollo Dildo Review, image of a large silicone dildo in a metallic gold to copper fade, with dragon scales, a large knot,, and a scaled base

Quite simply, I love it. I love everything about it. Its shape, its design, its colour. And, after some trial and error, I learned to love its size. See, as I said in my last review, picking dildo sizes while even remotely horny is a shitty idea. But I really can’t help myself. Whenever I’m faced with size options I go in thinking, know your limits, Ella, but as soon as it comes down to it I’m like, FILL ME WITH THE BIGGEST BASTARD YOU HAVE AVAILABLE!! Which is exactly what I did when I did my custom picks for the Bad Dragon Apollo. Continue reading “Bad Dragon Apollo Dildo Review” →

Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo Review

It’s Scandarella’s Big Dong Day! The day of my reviewing year that’s dedicated to big, bold silicone dicks. In 2017 I gushed about this creepy number, and last year things got a wee bit magical. This year? This year I’m playing around with massive myths, with not one but two dragon dildo reviews going live this week. The first of the two is the delicious Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo.

Mr Hankey's Dragon Dildo Review, image of a huge green silicone dildo with small scales and large amroured plated on a black glittery background

I’m no stranger to Hankey’s Toys, having reviewed their BFG and Seahorse dildos during 2018 while having the Dragon and one other dong (review coming soon!) waiting in the wings for this year. And do you know what? They’ve never failed to impress me. From first communication to delivery, every aspect of my Hankey’s experience has been positive. They’re a friendly bunch and super accommodating, which is a good thing given that they run a customisation service. Continue reading “Mr Hankey’s Dragon Dildo Review” →

Temptasia Elvira by Blush Novelties Review

Even though I’ve refused to tell my friends and family my blog’s actual name, I’m happy to yap on about what goes down here whenever I get the chance. We talk about my stories and, more often than not, sex toys. Recently, a friend shocked the shit out of me when she announced that, despite my warnings (and occasional death threats) she still buys toxic/porous toys. Why? Cos she thinks that silicone ones are too expensive. I nearly tripped over my own tongue in my haste to prove her wrong. It was easily done, cos just so happened to have the Temptasia Elvira sat in my review pile.

Temptasia Elvira Review, black silicone dildoin black glossy packaging, on a black background covered with slver spiders and webs

The Elvira is a silicone dildo that’s made by one of my favourite ‘we do a bit of everything’ brands, Blush Novelties. And do you know how much it costs? A mere $27.60 if you’re shopping at SheVibe (or £23.99 in the UK). My mate paid $35.99 (£29.99) for her rubbery monstrosity. That’s a significant difference in price, right? But when I compared the two products, I pointed out that the only real difference between them in terms of design is realism. Continue reading “Temptasia Elvira by Blush Novelties Review” →

Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples Guest Review

Earlier on in the year, the super generous folks from Satisfyer sent me a whopping big box full of goodies. Some of them I’ve reviewed and others are up for grabs in my Halloween 2018 Giveaway. And one was popped in the post and sent to my lovely friend, the awesome Posy Churchgate, so she could give us her unbiased opinion. Read on to find out what she thought of the Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples…

Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples Guest Review, image of white and rose gold packaging featuring the product

I have not tried any products by Satisfyer before this one was sent to me by Scandarella to review, but I was immediately impressed by the presentation and the packaging. Continue reading “Satisfyer Pro 4 Couples Guest Review” →