C is for… Celebrity Skin

“I don’t want to go, and if I don’t want to do something, I do not fucking do it, so they’re gonna have to find some loser to accept the damned award on my behalf because I will not be there to do it myself.”

“But Miss Val–”

“No buts! When I say no, I mean no. You there?! Get Johnny on the phone. You?! Cancel everything in my calendar for the next five days, then book me a flight to Paris because I want escargot and I want it now. And you?! Get me a latte, and do not dare make it skinny.”

From his chaise by the window, Harrison watched Valerie breeze around the room. She barked order after order, stalking from one flunky to the next, grabbing arms, shoving, snarling. Raising an eyebrow in disapproval, he pursed his lips as she hollered at some cowering kid, pointing accusingly from him to the splashes of dirty martini that were seeping into the feathered hem of her robe. Poor kid hadn’t been anywhere near her, she’d done that herself with all her ill-tempered gesticulating. Continue reading “C is for… Celebrity Skin”

B is for… Been Caught Stealing


Slamming the door behind her, a store security guard ushers me further into the room. I’m making my mouth go Professing my innocence, insisting that she can’t touch me and that she can’t prove anything. All I get in response is a quiet laugh and a ‘yeah-yeah’ or two. She knows I’m fucked just as surely as I do.

Still, she’s going to have to wait until the coppers get here, cos I’m not turning over a thing. I’m telling her nothing, I’m…


I stumble past the chair I was aiming for, propelled by a sharp shove, and my ill-gotten booty slips from inside my jumper to tumble to the floor. Hand on a cluttered desk to steady myself, I give her my most poisonous glare. Continue reading “B is for… Been Caught Stealing”

A is for… Ashes to Ashes

Hey hey, folks! This post kicks off my first ever attempt at completing the A to Z Challenge. This challenge requires that I publish a blog post every non-Sunday day in April, moving through the alphabet as I go. I picked a theme for this challenge, and that theme is Playlists. Each day I’m choosing a song title from my personal playlist of fave songs and will write a piece of filth based (however loosely) on that title. Today’s post was inspired partially by the song title and partially by the Masturbation Monday prompt. Two birds and all that. As the title may suggest, it has a grim theme (death, funeral) so do be aware of that when going in.

Somewhere in the trees on this cold and gloomy day, a lone bird twitters merrily away to itself. Not far away on the road behind me, a procession similar to the one I arrived here in crawls by. And right here at my side, clinging to me with one hand while weeping into the tissue she has clutched in the other, is my sister.

We’re surrounded by friends and family, all wearing black and the same pained expression. An expression that passes for grief at a glance, but on closer inspection betrays a deep sense of relief. They’re glad he’s gone. If I’m honest with myself, so am I. Continue reading “A is for… Ashes to Ashes”