It’s that time again, folks! That happy time when I get to tell you all about one of my favourite types of sex toy. One of those glorious, dual use impact/penetration toys. This time it’s the HurtMe Deluxe Swatter with Anal Ball. I’d had my eye on it for ages, so was over the moon when MEO said they’d send me one to review.
We didn’t wait to inspect the piece when it arrived. As soon as it was in the Fella’s hands he was giving me instructions to pull my pants down and bend over the kitchen table. It didn’t matter that I was wearing my raggy old sweatpants and a paint spattered t-shirt, or that my hair was like a bird’s nest. For what was possibly the first time ever, he was turned on by a toy and not me and the need he had to use it was what drove him on.
Naturally, I dropped my drawers and assumed the position, just as he wanted. A short burst of priming spanks and then a tentative little thwack that spanned both cheeks. All I got from that initial swat was a surface sting, but it made me hold my breath with anticipation. Why? I recognised potential.
The weight, the area covered, the stiffness…it all mingled with the scent of leather and the cold stroke of the steel handle to make me acutely aware of one thing: the next strike was gonna hurt. And it did. It hurt like a thousand motherfuckers and I loved it.
Each time the swatter landed on my butt I felt it in my legs. The Fella didn’t go hell for leather, but his thwacks penetrated deeply, giving me a dull ache as well as a flash burning surface sting. Sitting down afterward was an adventure in pain, but we were both smiling like idiots once it was over.
As I sat, or rather hovered there with my butt in throes of agonised bliss, I gave the HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter a good going over. I was taken aback by how well made it is. It isn’t without its flaws, but on the whole it’s fantastic.
I’m genuinely impressed by the quality of the leather swatter. It’s 8mm thick, smells glorious, and is finished to perfection. Not a stitch has been dropped. The impact surface measures up at approximately 8 by 2 inches, and even though it does have a flex, it’s pretty much solid.
Adding to the weight of that wonderful piece of pressed leather is a 7 inch long stainless steel handle, complete with anal ball. That ball is just over 5” in circumference and is insertable to the tune of probably 3”.
When I mentioned flaws above? I was referring to the handle. The edges are very untidy. Not to the point of being scratchy or anything, but they do let the piece down. Something else that lets it down is the series of three screws that hold the leather and metal together. They’re sunken into the metal but they’re exposed, and cleaning gunk out of them is a pain in the arse. Rivets would have looked 100% better, in my opinion, and would have been 100% more hygienic given that this is a toy for penetration.
That aside, I have to say that insertable spankables turn me on SO much!
I kept asking the Fella to use the anal ball on me, and for weeks he paddled my arse with this thing but didn’t once use the ball on me. Then half way through one impact session he stopped, initiated a spot of lubey anal sex, and then stopped halfway through that and started swatting me again. He’d prepared my butt, and I was past myself with joy when he finally pushed the ball into me.
The metal had warmed up in his hand so there was none of the jarring cold that really tightens my anus around this kind of toy. And there was very little thrusting, either, mostly because he didn’t want to push it in as far as the screws. But the heavy metal, firmness and size of the ball felt amazing anyway, and a little clit stim helped me on my way to orgasm.
That was the end of that, but the next time he used it as an insertable he switched from spanking to vaginal penetration and back a few times before ending with anal. The build-up of aching impact pain mixed with the pleasure of g-spot stimulation (which the ball rocks at, by the way) that’s finished off with intense anal play makes me come so hard I’d fall over if I wasn’t already lying down.
It’s safe to say I absolutely love every aspect of the HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter!
Cleaning it is a simple affair. I use leather wipes on the swatter itself and toy cleaner sees to the handle. I do have a proper leather care kit but it hasn’t needed that kind of attention yet. There’s no wrist loop to enable hanging, so we keep it on a shelf in our bondage cupboard.
As with all impact toys, the level of pain experienced by the taker doesn’t depend on the make-up of the product. It’s all about the intent of the one wielding them. At the same time, I wouldn’t recommend this swatter to people who don’t have a great deal of experience with impact play. It would be so easy to hurt someone with this particular product, so I think it’s one best left for those who know what they’re about.
If you feel that that could be you, you can grab one here.
The HurtMe DeLuxe Swatter with Anal Ball was sent to me by MEO in exchange for an honest review. This in no way influences my opinions, which are now, and will forever be, my own. Affiliate links have been used in this post.