I really like steel sex toys, and the idea of having smooth, metally coolness up my butt does funny things to my warped little mind, so when I spotted these Heavy Metal Anal Beads, I snapped them up. But I’ve avoided reviewing them, just like I’ve avoided using them until this past few weeks.
I’m not great with reading a size on a screen and picturing the actual object, but when I pulled these beads out of their heinously packaged little carton (really, I HATE this kind of packaging), I was more stunned than I usually would be. Not stunned stupid by the naked anticipation of the steely stretching I hoped I was in for, but rather stunned into disappointed silence by the fact that the beads were the size of biggish ball bearings. I’m not shitting you about how small they are, the tip of the Fella’s little finger stretches me more.
One thing they are though, is heavy. Obviously, cos they’re metal. And there are four beads, which is another plus, because the weight makes them clink and clank inside of me, and that’s a massive turn on. The ring pull on the end is metal too, and it gives a little external tug, especially if someone’s finger is looped through it.
They do feel really good in use, and keeping them in during rough vaginal sex is fantastic, especially if I’m on all fours, because that means that after having them clatter wildly about with every thrust, the Fella gets to yank them out when I come, and he yanks really hard! When he does it like that it’s painful, and for me, that’s when anal play feels at its best.
But the reason I’ve avoided using them and kinda hate them now that I have, is build. Though I’m 99% sure it’s not stainless steel, the metal is fine. I’ve had no scratching or scuffing problems on that side of things, and there’s no rust forming anywhere, but I have taken MAJOR issue with the cord that binds the four beads together.
It feels like coated thread, and it’s braided. Those little bits of holes are a bad dream to clean, and I’m not sure if the questionable metal of the beads would survive the most sure-fire cleaning method that is boiling.
I do douche thoroughly before using anal toys, but I don’t care how squeaky clean I am, there’s still bacteria up there that’s gonna move into the dips and knots on that string. The Fella suggested I pop them in a bag and stick them in the washing machine with the bed sheets, but I’m not convinced that putting traces or Surf and Comfort Pure up my butt is all that sensible. Seriously, what were the manufacturers even thinking? Surely making the string silicone wouldn’t have broken the bank.
If it was a silicone string, I’d be yelling BUY THESE BEADS from the mountain tops (well, from the upstairs window at least, because I’m scared of heights), but it’s not, and I can’t let myself believe it’s hygienic because I honestly can’t see how it could be. If you’d like to check them out, click the banner below.