I’ve wanted to watch the Fella use a Fleshlight forever. But whenever I mentioned getting one he would always put me off, telling me I was the only sex toy he needed. I was gutted, but then recently he changed his mind and agreed to use one purely so I could review it. The sacrifices that man makes for me *eye roll*.
Anyway, the fab folk at Latex, Leather and Lace – an amazing store that is heavy on the hot lingerie, hotter bondage gear and scorching sex toys – gave me the go ahead to choose a Fleshlight. It’s me we’re talking about here, so it was never gonna be a porn star. Our first had to be something from the Freaks range, and as Latex, Leather and Lace carry the gloriously blue Fleshlight Freaks Alien, that’s what I picked.
When it arrived? Surprise, motherfucker! It’s bloody massive. I’ve seen various photos and wanky gifs of Fleshlights in use, but it hadn’t ever occurred to me just how big they are. They’re heavy too. I have to hold it with two hands when I use it on the Fella, which makes me feel like I’m putting some serious effort into his orgasm. I’m not, but I like to tell myself I am.
I’m getting ahead of myself, though. Before I tell you about our experiences with the Fleshlight Freaks Alien, I’ll tell you about the toy itself.
Inside of some pretty gnarly packaging is what looks to be some crazily spliced hybrid of a torch and a flask. It’s a deep blue colour, and made from solid, sturdy plastic. Both ends feature screw caps; one gives access to the business end and the other controls the pressure inside of the toy. Having it fully tightened provides a deep sucking sensation and taking it off leaves it open ended. Any point between the two gives you control over the level of suction you get.
The overall length of the Alien is just under 10 inches, and from what I’ve read on Fleshlight’s website it’ll accommodate up to a 8.5 inch long cock with a 7 inch girth. The Fella isn’t that size by a long chalk, so he fit fine.
Taking off the large cap we were faced with the gorgeous blueness that is the Fleshlight Freaks Alien. I love this shade of blue. It’s pearly and shiny, and helps the semi-realistic Alien-style vaginal opening seem not realistic at all, which we both appreciated for our first time.
I confess, I fingered it for about 10 minutes before the Fella got anywhere near it. I’m doing it again right now, while I type out this review. To me, it feels pretty damned close to what I feel when I put my fingers inside of me, albeit dry and cold.
Taken from Fleshlight’s website:
“The exclusive Alien texture combines the feel of three of our most popular textures to create one out-of-this-world experience. Tantalizing sinews swirl together mimicking our famous Vortex canal before breaking through to a Lotus node that finally gives way to our most intense texture, the Stamina Training Unit.”
Roughly translated as, the channel of the Alien is filled with bumps, ridges and swirly bits galore to tease and torment every inch of the lucky cock that ends up inside it. Excite!
So, watching me finger this Alien vagina, the Fella was pretty much ready to go. There was a sachet of lube in the box, but that was never gonna be enough. After pouring a load of Sliquid Sea into the channel and rubbing it over the entrance (and playing with it for another five minutes while the Fella watched) it was time for me to get my wish. In theory.
I must have blinked and missed it, cos before I even found a comfy spot from where I could watch events unfold, the Fella was balls deep, rigid, and laughing through gritted teeth. He came so fast I didn’t know whether I should be pissed at him or impressed with the Fleshlight.
He apologised for ruining my fun and explained that he hadn’t actually expected it to feel so realistic. I asked, on a scale of ten, just how realistic it was.
“Eight out of ten,” he told me. “If that had been warmed up before the lube went on, I’d have given it a nine and a half.”
Ermahgerd! Who would have thought that the guy who hadn’t really been all that interested would be giving a sex toy 9.5 out of 10? Not me, that’s for sure.
The next time we used it we aimed for a more organic experience. I warmed the insert in hot water for about fifteen minutes, and I stood the lube bottle in hot water too. Once everything was assembled and lubed up, I wedged the casing between the mattress and box spring and watched the Fella go to town on it.
That had to be one of the sexiest things ever. I was watching him penetrate the Fleshlight as he watched me masturbate. He lasted quite a bit longer that time, and he said the warmed up Alien definitely earned its nine and a half out of ten.
He’s used it alone and I’ve used it on him a few times too. Even now, he’s still amazed with how realistic it feels. He says there’s been a couple of times when having me in control has given it a full 10/10. Honestly never thought I’d see the day, and I’m delighted that he wants to try more textures.
Back when I was trying to get the Fella to use one, I read some horror stories about cleaning Fleshlights. Men were complaining about how hard they were to clean, how long they took to dry, etc. Whiney little bitches. A good rinse under a fast running tap, a spray with toy cleaner and an overnight dry in a padded box was all it took. Yeah, I’m the toy cleaner in the Scandarella household.
The only thing I hate about the Fleshlight is touching it after it’s dried. It feels horrible. Sticky, nasty and awful. Once it’s coated with renewer powder (cornstarch) it feels fine, but that few minutes when it’s not? Ugh, I hate it.
But yeah, we both love the Fleshlight Freaks Alien. It opens up so many possibilities, including faux threesome play. That makes for a fun session, let me tell you!
Whether you fly solo or play with a friend, I really would recommend that you try a Fleshlight. Everything about them is super sexy. With so many options (including Fleshjack for guys who prefer guys), you’re bound to find the perfect one for you. If that happens to be the Fleshlight Freaks Alien, you can pick one up right here.
The Fleshlight Freaks Alien Masturbator was sent to me by Latex, Leather and Lace in exchange for an honest review. This in no way influences my opinions, which are now, and will forever be, my own. Affiliate links have been used in this post.