You may already know that I’m a bit of an aficionado when it comes to kegel exercisers. I’m fascinated by them. I love their different styles, shapes, weights and sizes, and I love them whether they’re vibrating or non-vibrating, jiggly or solid. I even have googoo eyes for the ones that give off an electrical charge. Be they metal, silicone, plastic or glass, they all have a place in my box *lolz like a kid*.
But, there’s kegel exercisers, and then there’s Crowned Jewels Titanium Kegel Eggs.
And what beautiful things they are. I actually hate myself right now because I know that my pictures don’t do them justice at all. You have to see them in front of you to appreciate how luxurious they are, feel the weight and the cold metal in your hand to know their quality.
Crowned Jewels sent me a large and a medium egg, much to my delight, and I’ve opted to review them side by side so that you, lovely reader, might get a better idea of which one would suit your needs best.
HOW DO THEY LOOK?
Firstly, I’ll take a moment to remind myself how it feels to receive a Crowned Jewels product in the post. It’s less of a delivery and more of an experience. Inside of black gift paper sat two lovely leather wrapped tubes, topped with metal lids and a red CJ wax seal. I purposefully took ages to prise the seals off in one piece, cos I didn’t want to ruin them.
Pop off the metal lid and you’ll find a little black bag (wrapped in paper) and in it is your kegel egg. There’s a little leaflet in there too, full of pictures of Crowned Jewels’ other offerings for you to drool over. There isn’t any care or usage info, but all that’s available on their website, and it’s extensive info too.
Like I said above, these Titanium Kegel Eggs are stunning. According to the Crowned Jewels website, the titanium they use is of the medical grade, commercially pure variety. The Fella gave me a few dubious glances while I waxed lyrical about how pretty I think my Easter baubles are, but I really was impressed when I first unboxed them.
The smaller of the two is a beautiful shade of blue, and the bigger one is a very pretty magenta. The other anodised (permanently coated in a layer of oxide using an electrical charge) colours on offer at Crowned Jewels are bronze, gold, natural grey, and purple. It’s my mission to have one product in every colour *she says, laughing at herself*.
SIZE & WEIGHT
I kinda struggled to get the differences in size on camera, and that’s because there’s barely a difference at all. The Medium Egg is just under 1.5 inches in length and just over an inch with a circumference that’s a shade off 3.5 inches, while the Large Egg measures up at just over 1.5 inches in length, and it’s circumference is 3.75 inches.
That doesn’t seem like much at all, but there’s a whole 20g weight difference between the two! The Medium Egg is 50g and the Large Egg is 70g.
These titanium eggs, as I’m sure is the case with all metal ones, differ from most kegel eggs/balls in that the larger egg is heavier. Usually the larger ones you’ll come across will be lighter and aimed at beginners as they’re easier for untrained muscles to hold on to, and smaller ones will be heavier to give advanced users more of a challenge.
INSERTING & USING
I’ve been using kegel weights and jiggle balls for a long time now, so I can pop these Titanium Eggs in no problem, but once up on a time I used to struggle. Way back when I needed to lie down and flop my legs out like I was having a smear so I could insert my chosen product, and I’d always need to use lube.
That was pretty hilarious sometimes, cos I did get a lot of runners, especially when the materials were glass or metal. Silicone wasn’t so bad, but anything that was already slippery was made ridiculous by lube.
Now I stand with my toes on the edge of the bath with my knee slightly bent and I pop these Titanium Eggs in lubeless. If I want to fight them from the start I’ll use lube, but I usually don’t bother. Even though they’re mostly not arousing for me at all, my vagina does lubricate itself purely because there’s motion in there, and that makes it slippery enough for me to have to work to keep them in.
I know that the lack of a retrieval cord will freak some people out, because my first free roaming ones freaked me out, massively. There’s the natural worry that you’re gonna pop it in there and it’s gonna go for a wander around your plumbing, never to be seen again. But it’s an unfounded worry, because there’s nowhere for it to go.
I joked earlier about my ‘box’ but it quite literally is a box in there. When it’s not doing the baby thing, the cervix is too small for anything to pass through, so even if you don’t manage to get your egg out by pushing, don’t fret, it’s still there. Try the jump and cough method, and if it doesn’t come out, leave it for a bit until you’re more relaxed then try again. If you still struggle, you could maybe ask a friend to help coax it out. It sounds horrifying, but if you’re lucky (I usually am whenever I get one wedged in) it’ll lead to a bit of fingering, which is always nice.
I said before that kegel balls aren’t arousing, but what I probably should have said is, they’re not an orgasm tool. I noticed on social media yesterday that people have been complaining that kegel balls don’t make them come. If I wear my heaviest set (stainless steel and 221g) I do get really aroused because they’re constantly tugging and clacking against each other. Another time I get aroused by them is if the Fella knows I have them in me and he purposefully sets out to turn me on, but that usually only happens if I’m wearing jiggle balls.
Kegel exercisers aren’t intended to make, or even help, you reach orgasm. Their purpose is to strengthen your PC muscle, thus increasing the intensity of all of your orgasms going forward. The only time I orgasm with kegel balls in is if there’s some kind of extra stimulation (usually clitoral, but sometimes penetrative), and I love that my orgasms are so intense nowadays. But that wasn’t always the case.
I have one child, and that child weighed almost 9lb at birth. He came out of the service hatch (c-section) but not before getting stuck in the birth canal and stretching the fuck out of my innards. Carrying such a heavy load took its toll on my muscles, and they were shot for years. My doctor suggested kegel exercising, but I took no notice.
After going through some problems, I decided to pay attention to my vagina, and I started to kegel. I stopped peeing when I laughed or coughed, and I started having stronger orgasms after a while. Even the Fella’s orgasms improved, cos he could feel my muscles squeezing him and that’s priddy hot, apparently.
Just wearing kegel eggs has a marked improvement on your muscle strength because every time the egg touches it, little spasms happen whether you can feel them or not, and those involuntary movements are exercise. Upping the ante by actively working out your muscles (there’s so many patterns you can follow, so I’ll leave you to find one that’s right for you rather than relaying mine here) you get better results, and you get them quicker.
The Crowned Jewels Titanium Kegel Eggs are really simple to use. They’re comfortable, not too heavy to hold, but their small size and shiny smooth surface makes for a bit of work. I don’t think they’d be ideal for someone just starting out, but if you have experience with this type of product, you’ll find them a good step into intermediate. Even if you’re already using say, 90g silicone, these ones will be harder work.
Now, the Fella asked me a question about these Crowned Jewels Titanium Kegel Eggs last week, and it’s taken me some time to come up with an answer. You see, the Medium Egg is £64.99 and the Large Egg is £69.99. When I wore both at the same time he pointed out that I was walking around wearing £135 in “invisible vag bling“. His question was, are they really worth that much money?
I really did have to think about that, because for me, kegel exercisers perform a function. They’re a useful thing, and like he said, they’re invisible. They don’t do anything a £35 silicone set of the same weight wouldn’t do. I reviewed a silicone set that cost £129 earlier this year, and I was a bit horrified by their price, considering they were soooo similar to a different silicone set I have that cost £49.
But these Titanium Eggs are truly different. They’re unlike anything I’ve ever seen on the market, and they really are gorgeous. They’re special, and when I use them I feel special. I feel like I’m spoiling myself just by wearing them, and it really is a pleasure knowing I’ve got something so luxurious inside of me.
So the answer the Fella got, was yes. They really are worth every penny, because sometimes you just have to treat your body to nice things. These are the kinds of things I’d love to find in my stocking on Christmas morning (or in the back of the Fella’s sock drawer in November – I’m a hunter), or for Valentine’s Day or any other occasion where I want pampering. Yes, they’re expensive, yes, they’re indulgent, and that’s all part of their appeal.
If you’d like to get your hands and other parts on your own Titanium Kegel Egg, you can pick one up here. They might even stick a tester pot of their glorious Sex Butter in your parcel, if you’re lucky.
These Crowned Jewels Titanium Kegel Eggs were sent to me by Crowned Jewels in exchange for an honest review. This in no way influences my opinions, which are now, and will forever be, my own. No affiliate links have been used in this post.