Bondage Boutique Vaginal Speculum

Well, this is a review/experience piece I never thought I’d see myself writing. But here I am, settling in to tell y’all about my experience with the Bondage Boutique Vaginal Speculum. I always said that one sex toy I’d never, ever use would be a vaginal speculum. I mean, medical fetishists aside, why would anyone wanna sneak a peek along their own love canal? It never seemed like something that could be even remotely sexy to me.

But, curiosity being a curious thing, I started to wonder. After watching the Fella’s cock, balls and butt do the orgasm dance for the thousandth time, I began imagining what my own orgasms looked like up close and personal. I started to think that maybe I wanted to know what he was seeing whenever he watched me come. Continue reading “Bondage Boutique Vaginal Speculum”

Six Shades of Ella: A Valentine’s Day Gift Guide

Whenever a gift giving event rolls around, one of the conversations the Fella tries to strike up without me noticing is, which Ella am I buying for this time? See, the different moods of me come with very different tastes. If I’m feeling silly and playful I love to be showered with plushies, animated movies, or merchandise from my favourite kids’ TV shows. When my mood takes on a melancholy tone I get weepy when he gives me fuzzy socks, books, and tasty stuff I can eat while I wear and read them. And then there’s macabre me, who wants skulls, blood and anything that could be considered even slightly satanic. Continue reading “Six Shades of Ella: A Valentine’s Day Gift Guide”

Battle of Wills

I love giving you surprises. People are always saying, Sharon is so sweet, she’s always spoiling Tim. To a certain extent that’s true. I do love to spoil you. I love the look on your face when I hand you something you weren’t expecting, and I love how grateful you always are.

To be honest, I kind of feel bad about it when they say stuff like that. They make me out to be a gem of a woman when what I really am is selfish and cruel. See, I don’t give gifts to you for you. I give you gifts for me because, sometimes, I get whatever I want in return. Like I’m about to right now.

I’m sitting here open thighed at the top of your bed, watching a startled laugh make Gala apples out of your cheeks. You’re drinking me in. Your dazed eyes flick from crotchless knickers, to harness straps, to quarter cup bra and back again. I laugh when the ribbon-tied box you’re carrying misses the dresser and lands with a dull thud on the carpet, but you don’t even notice. Continue reading “Battle of Wills”

So Divine Wild Thing Booty Plug

While I was at Eroticon last year I received an email. It was from a company called So Divine and they were asking me if I’d like to review for them. I’d never heard of them until that day when I spied a display at the conference, but I said I’d love to. They sent me one of everything in their line-up, which at the time was five products. Fast forward almost a year and that company I’d never heard of has their name up in lights. They’ve added more vibes to their repertoire, and also a range of different sized anal toys. After reviewing the smallest member of the Booty Plug family, I was sent the largest. It’s called the So Divine Wild Thing Booty Plug and here are my thoughts.

Like all So Divine products, the Wild Thing is made of silicone. Soft, silky silicone that comes in one of their two signature colours, purple. The other colour they have an abundance of is pink. Just like the itty-bitty version, the plug is completely smooth. There are no seams, no flaws, no nothing. Everything about it is quality and it’s definitely got longevity, so when you consider that it’s only £20-ish you gotta agree that it’s a bargain. Continue reading “So Divine Wild Thing Booty Plug”

Rocks Off Lust Linx Ball & Chain

When it comes to solo masturbation I have a new favourite thing. It’s a simple thing, really. Something I’ve done a handful of times in the past but for some reason, it’s recently become one of the most satisfying ways I play. Long story short, I’ve had some punch-packing orgasms from getting a vibrating love egg wedged all up in me and then inserting a dildo. It probably goes without saying that the success of this set-up is entirely dependent on the quality of the love egg. Some are fab, some not so much. One of the products I’ve tried this with recently is the Rocks Off Lust Linx Ball & Chain. Did it triumph or did it tank? Read on to find out.

When MEO said they were sending me the Ball & Chain for review I was kinda ridiculously happy. I’ve made no secret about the fact that, in general, Rocks Off vibes don’t do much for me these days (with exception of the Unihorn) so the fact that I couldn’t wait to give this offering a try was peculiar. Continue reading “Rocks Off Lust Linx Ball & Chain”

Love Links #11

Oh my good Gordon, I cannot believe I missed Love Links last week. And I’m a shade annoyed with myself for posting this one a day late. So much for that New Year’s resolution, eh? They’re basically all fucked now, lol. But I do have a good reason for being late this week. Well, I have something like eleven reasons, actually. They are:

  • Horatio Slice
  • Gunner Wilkes
  • Snake Vinter
  • Sugar
  • Seven
  • Six
  • Stiles
  • Slash
  • Saki
  • Suki
  • Spinner

Yep, I had my nose buried in Oleander Plume’s sexy sci-fi romp, Horatio Slice: Guitar Slayer of the Universe, at every opportunity yesterday. A space pirate ship captained by a sack-sucking vampire, a rock star with the horn for a hot nerd, and a cast of androgynous dudes rockin’ lipgloss and hard cocks is enough to keep anyone’s fingers busy anyone entertained. It’s a damn good read so I’m off to sneak in another chapter while y’all take a look at the links I’ve laid out for you below. Have fun 😀

Continue reading “Love Links #11”

Bound to Please Silicone Paddle

At the back end of last year, there was one aspect of our play that the Fella and I kinda neglected. Impact play. Shitty weather and dark nights kept not just our kid inside but his lil’ buddies, too, so anything that made a noise was off limits. We promised ourselves that once he went back to school and we had the house to ourselves through the day we’d get the spanky stuff out and make some racket. And we did! Well, we had a lovely Bound to Please Silicone Paddle from Sex Toys UK to review, so it would have been rude not to.

Now, in the interests of transparency, I’m gonna tell you that I’ve seen this paddle before. In fact, some of you who knew me before Scandarella will know I have one hanging in my bondage wardrobe and that its brand isn’t Bound to Please. Yep, this paddle is what is known as a white label product. Items made by one manufacturer and rebranded for sale in various stores. Some folks humph at this. Sometimes I’m one of them. But not this time. I’ve seen the current collection of Bound to Please silicone and I think adding this paddle was a brilliant move. Continue reading “Bound to Please Silicone Paddle”

The Scent of a Woman

I’ve always considered myself to be a reasonable person. I never expect too much of people, never take advantage, and I pride myself on never showing jealousy. All my past partners have considered that a positive, but not you.

No, my rationality is one of the things you love to hate about me. It drives you crazy that I can watch you flirt with other women, that I can watch you dance with other men with nary an eyebrow raised in suspicion. You’ve even taken it as a personal challenge to do something to stir my green-eyed monster, a thing you’re convinced lives within all of us.

And each and every time you’ve failed…until now. Continue reading “The Scent of a Woman”

E-Stim Systems MJ Bipolar Electrode

Wanna know how I spent the last few days? Well, when I wasn’t eating panettone or marzipan stollen, I was electrocuting my vagina. Yep, I’ve done a lot of final thought gathering over the past week and now I’m ready to tell you what I think of the E-Stim Systems MJ Bipolar Electrode.

Firstly, I gotta say I’m loving the packaging. A funky black plastic tube with a screw off base that really wouldn’t look out of place in the Black & Decker aisle of a hardware store. Continue reading “E-Stim Systems MJ Bipolar Electrode”

Almost Cold

Every now and again, I don’t hear your alarm. It goes off at 4:45 whenever you work days and I usually grumble quietly, nudging you to try to get you to turn it off quicker. But sometimes I’m so deeply asleep I don’t even stir. You get up, stretch, knock over your roll-on deodorant in the dark and mutter for fuck’s sake while you retrieve it from under the bed.

After your trip to the bathroom you get dressed, jangle your keys and money into your pockets before snuffling out a soft laugh because I’m either lying with my bum in the air, or my arm draped across your bedside table, or with one brave foot jutting out from my cocoon if it’s a chilly morning.

And on those mornings when sleep chooses not to let go of me, I’m oblivious to it all. Continue reading “Almost Cold”