Le Wand Rechargeable Cordless Massager

Okay, I’m gonna get the obvious out of the way before I go any further. If the mighty Doxy and the Hitachi Magic Wand Rechargeable had an illicit love affair with loads of dirty, unprotected wand sex, the resulting lovechild would undoubtedly be the Le Wand Rechargeable Cordless Massager.

I know it’s been discussed, at length, with passion (and not a small amount bitterness) on social media. You can probably see why just by looking at it. I can see why just by looking at it. The similarity to those two market leading wands is unmistakable. Continue reading “Le Wand Rechargeable Cordless Massager”

Laundry Day

Bare legs on an unmade white bed

Have you ever choked on your heartbeat? Has anything ever caught your breath right at the end of an exhale, making you feel faint? Nauseous and weak, like your legs are suddenly too jellylike to support your weight?

This happened to me not two minutes ago, right on the other side of the door I’m standing outside of. I’m still suffering from a riotous pulse, burning lungs, shaking legs and an ache so strong in my groin it might well kill me. Continue reading “Laundry Day”

Fun Factory Amorino Mini Vibrator

If anyone asked me what my favourite sex toy brand of all time is, I’d throw my arms out and yodel, “Fun Factory!”. I love getting packages delivered, but there’s an extra air of excitement about it when I know there’s something from that brand inside. I’m not ashamed to admit that, when the Fun Factory Amorino Mini Vibrator arrived, I did a little dance. But not for the reason you’d expect. The reason was, it’s the first product of theirs where I’ve looked at it and thought, what the fuck’s this about, then?

Yep, the Amorino isn’t your everyday mini rabbit. It’s got a little something extra, and I knew it had the potential to be either mind-warpingly good or completely and utterly shite. Continue reading “Fun Factory Amorino Mini Vibrator”

The Confessional

God was six days sober
On the night that she was born
To the glistening star of a bible class
An icon now in religious porn
She was Alice through the glory hole
An ejaculate misconception
Disney-esque, the high priestess
Of greed and deepest dark deception

Verse from “Libertina Grimm” from the album “Thornography” by Cradle of Filth

Cum dripped down the latticed partition, making a network of sticky webs in the tiny crosses that had been carved from the wood. Libertina heard the sharp rip of a zip-fly, an embarrassed laugh, the scrape of curtain rings on a rusted metal pole. Low mumbles, soft laughing, back slapping. Continue reading “The Confessional”

Loving Joy Versa Poseable Vibrator

You may remember that, earlier this year, I reviewed a bullet that, in my opinion, gives the We-Vibe Tango a run for its money in the power stakes. It was the Power Bullet by Loving Joy, and it’s ace. Well, another interesting product graced my doorstep recently, and it’s time to share my thoughts. Here’s the lowdown on the Loving Joy Versa.

LOVING JOY VERSA STRAIGHT TOP VIEW LOVING JOY VERSA STRAIGHT UNDERSIDE VIEW

I would imagine that, by this point, you’ve all heard of the G-Kii 2 by Je Joue, and the Crescendo by MysteryVibe. Flexible, versatile vibrators that can go from a long, deep diving internal vibe to a C-shaped dual stimulator in just a few quick clicks? Well, Versa is Loving Joy’s first foray into the poseable vibrator market. Continue reading “Loving Joy Versa Poseable Vibrator”

The Butters Personal Lubricant

One thing a sex toy reviewer needs a hell of a lot of, is lube. Lube is one of the best things to happen in the history of sex and masturbation, but not all lube is equal. Some contain questionable ingredients, some is composed of simple ingredients that don’t work well with some toys. Other lubes are perfectly safe for use with both the body and whatever you choose to put inside of it. And then there’s The Butters Personal Lubricant, and it’s in a league all of its own.

The Butters Personal Lubricant Pot Photo

I had no idea what to expect when I was told I could review The Butters. All I knew was that it’s homemade – by hand – contains no harmful ingredients, and is made by a super sex positive person called Jerome Stuart Nichols. Continue reading “The Butters Personal Lubricant”

Crystal Delights Pony Plug

Prepare yourselves, lovely readers, cos I’m about to tell you all about a sex toy that I’ve wanted since pussy was a kitten. I’ve lusted after it, stared at it for hours online, cursed the gods for making the stork drop me in the UK while all the good sex toy makers are in the USA (ooh, controversial!). But now, thanks to the awesome Vikki at Uberkinky, I’m the proud owner of a Crystal Delights Pony Plug!

This is my second Crystal Delights plug, so I was no stranger to how lovely their products are. But seeing the Pony in all its glory still managed to leave me slack-jawed. There’s only one word to describe it, really; majestic. Continue reading “Crystal Delights Pony Plug”

A Night to Remember

We were all going to die.

People ran around the deck, shoving at each other, looking for an escape that they weren’t going to find. They’d said women and children first, and as I was neither I didn’t even consider approaching the lifeboats. I could have barged my way on like some of the older men were, but I didn’t. I’d made sure my mother and sister had their places, and then I’d stepped back, my dark eyes fixed on my mother’s light ones, and then on her forehead, then her hat. I didn’t look away until the tip of the ostrich feather that capped it vanished. Continue reading “A Night to Remember”

Black Label Collection Liberator Wedge

Look at this gorgeous Black Label Collection Liberator Wedge, people. It’s a simple thing, really, just like all of Liberator’s other stuff, but it’s one of the best sex-based products I’ve ever had the pleasure to own. Let me tell you why…

One of the things I do as an erotica writer, is try to keep sex real. Sex is messy, for a start, no matter how you do it. It’s noisy, sweaty, sometimes awkwardly awkward, other times awkwardly funny. Cocks slip out, orifices that have been pumped full of air tend to fart at the worst possible moment. And then there’s having to pause to reach for lubes and condoms, or toys if you use them. Sometimes there’s discomfort, or there’s folk coming too early or not early enough or not at all. And that’s all before you consider mismatched heights, leg cramps, rolling off butt elevating pillows, falling off the bed and making a window in the wardrobe door with your fucking face… Continue reading “Black Label Collection Liberator Wedge”

Tantus Destiny Super Soft Dildo

Do you believe in destiny? I do, and I always have done, because it seems like, sometimes, some things are just meant to be. Things like me getting my paws all over the Tantus Destiny Super Soft, for example.

You may or may not know that Tantus are in the process of overhauling their silicone offerings. One product I had fixed firmly in my sights was the Raptor XL. A gloriously chubby, ballsy dildo that looked like it would take me to harness heaven as soon as the Fella strapped it on. Continue reading “Tantus Destiny Super Soft Dildo”