Eroticon weekend is long gone, and it’s taken me until now to start to get my mind around everything that went on while I was there. I listened to some amazing talks, met some wonderful people and saw some sights that were hugely out of the norm for me, even though I live in a pretty big city.
Newcastle is big, but London – which I’ve Christened ‘The Terror’ – frightened the ever loving shit right out of me. And so did being around so many new people. I couldn’t walk 10 steps without having to stop to fill my lungs with life-giving oxygen (and rest my poor abused feet) and panic attacks weren’t ever far away.
Everything was so big and so busy! I know I’d have locked myself in my hotel room and stayed there for the duration if the remarkably patient Candy Snatch hadn’t been there to basically domme me into hauling my butt out the door.
There’s a good chance that spending a weekend in The Terror doesn’t sound like much of a big deal to a lot of you, but here are a few facts about my pre-Eroticon situation, just so you have an idea of where my head was at when I stepped off the train at Kings Cross:
- I suffer from anxiety
- I’ve not been away from the Fella for any longer than 12 hours since 2001
- I haven’t been in a group of more than 5 people for about 3 years
- If I don’t *have* to leave my house, I don’t
- I’ve never been to London before
- I was sharing a room with a (fabulous) virtual stranger
So that all leads nicely to the first of 10 things I took away from Eroticon 2017:
A Sense of Achievement
Yep, now that I’ve had almost a fortnight to pull myself together, I feel epic. As much as I stressed and whined my way around Camden for the entire weekend, I look back on it and feel like I’ve finally earned the right to wear my big girl knickers. I did something brave, and probably a little reckless, and I’m actually a bit proud of myself. I wasn’t half as brave as those folk who flew in from the likes of the USA, but for me it was my own little big thing and I’m pleased I did it. So pleased, in fact, I want to do it again next year. Ask Candy Snatch what the likelihood of me saying that on the Friday night was!
A Sense of Disappointment
Aah, I wasted so much of my weekend while I was busy being a nervous wreck. Those feelings were totally unnecessary. I couldn’t have wished for a warmer, more welcoming bunch of people. I’d intended to introduce myself to Girl on the Net, Malin James and Kate Lister, and I’d planned to sit down and have a good old chinwag with Horny Geek Girl, Kayla Lords, and F Dot Leonora. What I did was smile at GOTN like I was standing in front of Madonna, and the others I said hi to then ran the fuck away. I have the cheek to call myself an adult.
A New Determination
This is a twofold kinda thing, part personal part professional. Firstly, I’m determined that my mind will be less of a clusterfuck for Eroticon 2018. I want to relearn how to be the kind of person who walks up to people with a big smile on my lips and an open ‘Hi, I’m Ella’ ready to roll off my tongue. Will it happen? I dunno, but I have a year to try to work things out.
The other determination I have is to take the words I’ve written over the past 5 years and turn them into something others might want to read. To revise them, change them, polish and perfect (lol) them until they’re worth showing to the world. It’s gonna be no mean feat as I’m talking close to 1 million words (true story) so there’s a lot of shit to trawl through. I’ve already started to revise some of my stuff and I’m taking it so seriously I’ve barely had time to tweet. Sorry to anyone who’s missing the utter bollocks I spout on Twitter.
But yeah, listening to the way Malin James separates the wheat from the chaff in Flash Fiction, and the way Ashley Lister can write a cohesive story in 6 words…inspiration was the name of the day during both of those sessions, and I’m gonna use what I learned to make the most of the words my brain throws up at three in the morning.
Reinforced Mistrust of Government
Censorship. I’m all for age appropriate content. I agree that my kid should be shielded from much of the shit that can be found on the world-wide-web. It’s a scary place and there’s so much on there that he shouldn’t see.
Making sure he doesn’t see things he’s not ready for isn’t the government’s job. It’s my job. Porn bans, obscene publication acts, dictating what an adult can and can’t see, what they can and can’t do… it’s utter horseshit. I naïvely ignored the recent changes to legislation, thinking that as someone who isn’t a regular user of porn, they didn’t concern me.
I learned differently during Kate Lister’s History of Obscenity in Britain talk. Now I know that, mild as it is, some of the content here on Scandarella could be classed as obscene and duly banned. Like the story about a girl pissing on her guy in the bathroom, or the one with the breath control, or the one about facesitting that I’m gonna publish very soon.
I’d bet my last doughnut that at least one of the people who sits on those boards and starts deciding what is and isn’t acceptable viewing/reading/doing is totally into the very things they’re banning. In fact, I’d bet they’re into things that would make my characters blush. Censorship and hypocrisy are strange bedfellows, but bedfellows they are.
On Meg-John Barker. Intelligence, good looks, a cute sense of geeky awkwardness even though they were totally in their element talking about a subject they’re so passionate about. Kinda reminded me of Brian Cox in some ways. Softly spoken, smiley, almost dreamy while they talk about what they love. Yeah, I’m definitely feeling that!
Some Personal Revelations
Speaking of Meg-John Barker, I learned so much about myself during their talk. Christ, it was the first session of the first day of Eroticon, I’d been up for something like an hour and a half, I had no coffee in my veins and there I was, learning that I have a deeply suppressed interest in ageplay that shows itself through not just my erotica but also my general writings. I also learned that I have some issues to investigate surrounding my mother. Yep, that was a heady fucking Saturday morning and no mistake!
A Gorgeous New Dildo
The treasure trove that was the Ceramic Pleasure display caught my eye every time I walked past it. So many gorgeous things! But before I left Newcastle I’d made the Fella a promise. I solemnly swore that I wouldn’t buy any sex toys while I was in London. Well, that went right out the window when I spotted what looked like a blood splattered grey ceramic tentacle in a basket. I’d already zeroed in on a blue version and resisted, but the red and grey one smashed through any will I had to behave myself. I bought it, brought it home, fucked it, and it was good.
An Overwhelming Desire…
To get my hands and other things on the gorgeous Queen Bee from Hot Octopuss, the petite (as yet unnamed) new wand from Doxy, all of Godemiche’s stuff in all the colours, and half a dozen Ceramic Pleasure dildos.
Honest to God, the Queen Bee is a wet fucking dream! In my review of the Pulse III Duo, I let my jealous streak show, stating that my clit goes in a huff cos it can’t be bullied to orgasm by the PulsePlate. Well, one day it might get its chance and I can’t bloody wait.
The baby Doxy, though! Just holding the prototype in my hand gave me serious vag feels. I wanted to unplug the damned thing and do a runner, basically. I’m not one for getting my horn on in a corridor full of strangers, I promise. But the second Molly Moore handed me the deliciously rumbly wand I totally wanted it in my knickers.
Oh, and I mustn’t forget how much I really want the Fella to learn how to do proper rope play. It’s all well and good binding my wrists to my ankles and wrapping a few feet of raggy hemp rope around my neck, but some of what DJ Fet showed us during the rope session was hot as fuck. I giggled like a school girl but was super chuffed that I managed to get some sexy sound effects out of my glamourous guinea pig, Candy Snatch. Now I want to be the one making those noises for my chap. I think I’m gonna buy him a book…
Horny Geek Girl’s dress. Candy Snatch’s dresses (they were all remarkable, even the one she travelled in – she’s one glam gal!). My Tickle Trunk’s hair, the way GOTN channelled her anxiety into contagious, hyper enthusiasm, Kate Lister’s sheer awesomeness, Molly Moore’s figure, The Other Livvy’s bright, friendly smile… Damn, so much to be envious of. In the nicest way possible, of course.
Warm Fuzzy Feels…
For the awesome people I did manage to brave a few words with. Meeting Candy Snatch was fab, and so was bumping into Subsmissives, Aurora Glory, Tabitha Rayne, the amazing Pixie and Andrew from Kink Craft and the crazed up Adam and his lovely lady Monika from Godemiche. Oh God, who else? Chatting with Lisa Jenkins of Sinful Press fame – and the wonderful individual without whom I wouldn’t have been able to do this crazy exciting thing – was ace, and so was getting to have a quick natter with Sexy Little Pages‘ Anna Sky. Anna is lovely.
There’s a bunch more people I spoke to, like the sweet Bob the Monkey, and sub-Bee, but I won’t list them all. What I will say is check out my Twitter page and snoop through the folk I follow. There’s a few Eroticon peeps on there and they’re all worth a follow. I’m looking forward to seeing them again next year, and this time I’m gonna make myself stop and chat.
So, that’s that. Actually it’s not. There’s so much more I learned but getting it all organised in my messy head is gonna take me some time. All I know is, I’m glad the Fella grabbed my arm and threw me on the train. If he’d let me chicken out in Newcastle Central Station like I wanted to I’d have missed out on so much. So thank you to him, and thank you not only to the sponsors who helped make it all happen, but to Molly Moore, Dom Signs and Girl on the Net for arranging such a fantastic event. It was their first attempt at doing something like Eroticon and it was stellar, so I can’t wait to see what they do next year. It’s gonna be a blinder!