“Just the one, today, love! Scribble your name in the box there for me, would you?”

The delivery guy handed me a little tablet, and a plastic pen dangling on a springy coil. As usual, my signature was hastily done and barely registered by the device, but who gave a fuck about that? I shoved the thing back at him and all but tore the package from his hands, saying thank you despite the fact that the door had already slammed in his face.

I know, that was super rude of me, but I’d been waiting weeks for this thing to arrive. Continue reading “Poseidon”

NS Novelties ColourSoft 8″ Silicone Dildo

Recently, I’ve been thinking about silicone. Reason being, a few chats with friends have brought up the same statement over and over, and it’s something that pisses me off. They’ve said, “Rubber might not be the best for your body in the long run, but silicone is just so expensive, and the bigger ones…pft, no way!”. Wrong! Oh, so very wrong. Silicone dildos are widespread and can be eye-bogglingly inexpensive. When those friends asked for an example, I pointed them straight at the NS Novelties ColourSoft 8” Silicone Dildo.

I love this dildo so much! But, unlike some of the other dildos in my review queue, it’s nothing fancy. It has no bells and no whistles whatsoever. It’s just a long, fat, realistic dildo in a funky colour, and it’s one of the most fuckable toys in my cupboard. Continue reading “NS Novelties ColourSoft 8″ Silicone Dildo”

The Bottom Line – Choosing the Best Anal Toys For You

Anal play. If you’re into it, it’s awesome. Slipping something as small as a pinkie finger in there can feel good enough for some, and others prefer anal toys. In general, the bigger the insertable, the more intense a sensation you’re in for. But big isn’t always better for everyone. Luckily, one way to maximise the sexy feels without maxing out your toy size, is to add a bit of vibration to your butt fun. DearLady.us have asked me to write a little bit about that, so here goes!

Safety First

Now, before anyone puts anything near their butt, they need to ask themselves one question: is it anal safe? The answer will only ever be ‘yes’ if your toy of choice has a flared base. Non-flared toys should never be inserted into the anus, and I’ll tell you why…

The muscles in your butt are designed to hold things in, despite the laws of gravity. They’re tight and strong, only allowing anything out when you say so (unless you’re ill). Their natural ‘pull’ is inward.

When you have an orgasm, your muscles contract. For some it might be a couple of mild pulses that feel nice while they last. But for others, an orgasmic pulse can be so strong it gives you a stitch. As your muscles contract, they lift. Guess what’s gonna happen to a straight vibe or dildo then. Yep, it’s gonna get sucked straight into the anus. From there, it could travel to your bowel, and from there you’re talking possible surgical help to retrieve it.

Nobody wants to have that conversation in A&E, so only toys with flared bases should be considered for use as anal toys. Many plugs have a round base with a slender neck, or they’ll have T-Bar base, and sometimes anchor bases. If you see a toy with a finger ring, make sure that ring is rigid. A soft one will easily squash, and that could result in your toy going AWOL.

Good job there’s so many anal safe products to be found, right?! Here are a few of them: Continue reading “The Bottom Line – Choosing the Best Anal Toys For You”

Doggy Darling Pussy & Ass Masturbator

Before Scandarella became a thing, the Fella was never really into sex toys that are made for the old John Thomas. His toy box was made up of things to tie me up, hit or tickle me with, and a load of bullet vibes. All there was in it for his cock was a sex shop own-brand stroker or two, and a few Tenga Eggs. But, as I said, Scandarella happened, and his interests in penis pleasing toys grew. But that’s not why I’m bringing you this review of the You2Toys Doggy Darling from Orion. Read on to find out the real reason I opted to try out this wobbly, big assed…ass.

For many people, fantasies play a large part in their sexual relationship with not just their partners, but also themselves. Whether it be a sexy scenario that gets shared and played out, or something that remains tucked away in the privacy of our minds, most of us do have them. Continue reading “Doggy Darling Pussy & Ass Masturbator”

Sheets of San Francisco Funsheet – Flat Sheet

Okay, I’m about to contradict myself again. If any of you follow me on Twitter, you may have seen a comment I made recently, about reviewing. I said that, when products are awesome, it feels like my reviews almost write themselves. Well, I’m about to contradict myself, because as incredible as this Sheets of San Francisco Funsheet Plus Flat Sheet is, this review has proved difficult to get right.

I don’t know why. All the elements are there; great packaging, brilliant product, fantastic service from a fantastic company…I guess I’m just not that well versed in reviewing bed linens, lol. Continue reading “Sheets of San Francisco Funsheet – Flat Sheet”

We-Vibe Touch Clitoral Vibrator

Just like everyone else on the planet, I have favourite movies. I have favourite music, foods, and TV shows. And I also have favourite sex toy brands. I’ve made no secret that the top of my pops is Fun Factory, but I don’t think I’ve ever officially announced that We-Vibe is probably a close second. I’ve reviewed a few of their products this past month or so, and now it’s the turn of one that’s been waiting for my attention for a while. The We-Vibe Touch.

For a few years now, one bullet has reigned supreme on my top clit toys list. The We-Vibe Tango. Damn, I love that toy so fucking much! If anyone had told me, even just a few years ago, that a three-inch-long vibrator would not only be capable of giving me stitch inducing clitoral orgasms, but that it would give me them every time I used it, I would have laughed in their face. Younger me had a hard clit to please. Continue reading “We-Vibe Touch Clitoral Vibrator”

Tantus Adam Super Soft Silicone Dildo

When I think about what can make me squirt without internal vibes or clit stim, certain things come to mind. The Fella’s fingers. Rigid dildos, be they hooked or curved. Dildos that are so big I can barely stand it. Oh, and most glass dildos, regardless of shape. Something I never really think of is soft, floppy, squishy dildos. Because those don’t really have what it takes to give my g-spot the type of stimulation it needs. But along came the Tantus Adam Super Soft, and it changed everything.

As I’ve explained in a couple of past reviews, Tantus have been phasing out some old faves and relaunching them in the super soft, single density version of their 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. The results vary from toy to toy, with the Destiny and Vamp being slightly firmer than the Adam, and both of those being rather marvellous. Continue reading “Tantus Adam Super Soft Silicone Dildo”

Fun Factory Bootie Butt Plug Set

If there’s one thing that will always put a smile on my puggy little face, it’s getting an email to inform me that Fun Factory goodies are winging their way to me for review. So, yes, I did do a little dance when I read that I was getting to have a crack at the Fun Factory Bootie Butt Plug Set.

Both the Fella and I have butts that are accustomed to anal play. Experience wise, he likes his insertables to be around mid-sized, and I like ‘em big. In general, I like to know they’re there to the point where I kinda wish they weren’t. But, we both go through stages where we want the opposite of what we usually crave. And graduated sets like this one are fab to have on hand for that exact reason. Continue reading “Fun Factory Bootie Butt Plug Set”

Furry Fantasy Black Fox Tail Butt Plug

In the past year, I’ve gone from having no tail laden butt plugs, to having (almost) five. I’ve paraded around Chez Scandarella wearing a slinky cat tail, a gorgeous pony tail, and a red faux fox fur tail. I love em all, and now I’m gonna tell y’all about the most recent addition to my small collection: The Furry Fantasy Black Fox Tail Butt Plug.

Furry Fantasy is a Loving Joy line. The folks who brought us the fab Power Bullet and Precious Metals anal toys. The piece looked good on screen, but that can be deceiving, especially with tails. So, I admit to opening the parcel it came in with a critical eye, but I wasn’t disappointed. From the point of the plug to the tips of the faux fur, the Black Fox Tail is beautiful. Continue reading “Furry Fantasy Black Fox Tail Butt Plug”

That Thing She Does

I don’t know why she still does this to me.

Partners come and go. They always have and always will. Some of them leave a lasting impression, whether it’s something as simple as introducing you to your favourite position to be fucked in, to the big stuff, like helping your heart heal after some careless fucker broke it. They teach you, and help you grow. Continue reading “That Thing She Does”